AIBU to think our 18 year olds should work instead of wasting away weekends?

[Roxen]

First of all, I know they are 18 so I have no control over this, it’s more about the debate between DH and I.

DH and I have twins who are 18, in their last year of school, they are doing IB diploma so it’s quite intense, has a lot involved in it, exams start at the end of April and run through May.

We agreed to neither of them having part time jobs as between their studies and the extra things they have to do they wouldn’t have time. However this weekend I’m feeling quite annoyed about that, as neither of them are going to do anything remotely related to school.

Last night they went to a friends birthday party, got home at about 2am, they then along with DD sat up for the F1 sprint race. Went to sleep for a few hours woke back up for qualifying and went to sleep again afterwards. Now they have all gone to the pub where they will stay all day for the 6 nations matches. DD has said when she gets home she will watch the Indian wells tennis semi-finals, before going to sleep and waking up for the F1 tomorrow. They then all have tickets for a football game tomorrow, before going out for dinner with school friends.

I think this is a stupid amount of time to spend doing very little over a whole weekend, I don’t really enjoy watching sports but my kids do and I increasingly feel it takes up all of their time. DH thinks it’s fine, it’s culture and they can study another weekend. I think if they have the time to waste a weekend away in front of the TV, they have time to take on a part time job.

AIBU?

It's too late for them to get a job. Exams start in a couple of months. Wait until they have finished and then insist. They can also work in the summer holidays when they are students.

I would bet that the boys are the OP’s step kids

Do you work 7 days a week? I don't. I do fuck all and enjoy my weekends.

And yes IB is much harder than A levels.

I didn't work until I left uni at 25. My parents prioritised education. It meant I got to focus on school, get excellent grades and internships, and got a great career. I'm forever thankful to them.

I think as well - looking back at the original question - they’re not wasting away the weekend. They’re doing their hobby. Just because it’s not your choice doesn’t mean they’re wasting their weekend. Just another thought really

And yet you’re still seething

Well good luck to them finding a job. My dd18 has tried looking for a part time job whilst studying for over a year and has had no luck whatsoever, endless applications and nothing.

It’s very demoralising so I just let her live her life and she does whatever she wants every weekend.

I think it would do them good to be employed ASAP for their CVs. It’s much harder for the kids at uni who have never worked than those who had a PT job during their A Levels.

They're not exactly spending the weekend in bed rotting on their phones are they? Let them have a bit of fun, life will get serious for them soon enough.

I think it depends really. Adults get the weekend off work so I think if their Monday to Friday is stressful they deserve rest too. Equally, I think if they can get work at this age it gets them ahead of the curve for jobs while at / after uni or education ends. However I think their weekend sounds like a blast… and why shouldn’t they have fun?

Tread carefully op they sounds like engaged active youngsters what you think is wasting away is not because you think it is !

I thought you were going to say they spend all the time gaming !

Mine didn’t start working until Uni. DS worked full time at Buckingham palace in summer of Uni in year 1, so he went from never working a day in his life, to full time for 3wks. Summer 2 he did an 8wk internship (would have returned to the palace if that didn’t come about) then summer 3 after graduation he had off, as he started his graduate job in the sep. My dd is year 13 and not worked yet. I think A levels are tough enough, and she has ill heath too and is doing 4, so enough going on.

My students, who work during the school term, often come to class unprepared and either fail or barely pass their exams. The first question I ask a student who fails an exam, "do you have a part-time job"? More often than not, they say yes. It's true that some students still manage to work part-time and do well but generally the top student's don't work. OP, were you hoping your children would go to university? If so, don't destroy their chances by making them get a job.

Both my DC worked about 12 hours a week at 6th form. So one weekend day and one evening a week. That felt about right and gave them enough money to be a little independent, go on holidays with friends etc. It also helped them with confidence and made them more practical and less entitled. And they still had time to do their schoolwork and socialise a little. But if they are coming up to exams this summer, it doesn’t seem sensible to start a job now, they will need to give revision priority. The jobs market isn’t great at the moment either, it might take a lot of effort to find a job, at a time when revision is important. I think they’d be better off waiting until after the exams to get employment.

Aren’t many jobs you can get for only 1 rando weekend in a school year.
You sound a bit addicted to work.

Are these young adults doing their own washing? Do they ever cook a meal? What help are they around the house? If they are doing chores sometimes, up to date on school work and forecast good grades then they get a weekend off now and then. Their job at present is to get good grades. Everyone needs some fun. Post exams they should be at least trying to get jobs.

This is so overly dramatic. Every person I know worked at GCSE and A level age and all of us passed our exams and went to uni. They’re not failing exams because they’re working 8 hours a week. They’re failing because they’re not making time for schoolwork outside of those hours.

You dont get to move the goalposts just because you dont like the occasional outcome of the original agreement.
Its bugging you they are hanging out together and watching sports?
Is it because they arent bothering with you or including you?
You sound v v resentul. But u set the terms so i think you need to accept that.

Another one here who thinks you’re being quite hard on them, OP. If they’re doing well at school then what’s the problem with a whole weekend of sports and socialising? Sounds exactly what 18 year olds should be doing.

Sounds like they've had a fun weekend of downtime before going into a really busy season. I don't think a blanket stance on jobs for sixth form age kids is useful. If they are getting good grades, working hard and maintaining diverse extra curriculars I think that's probably enough. If they are sitting around twiddling their thumbs then I'd be expecting them to get a job. But YABU to say they are too busy to get jobs then get irritated by them not having jobs and enjoying their weekend. I suspect you know that though!

To be fair, I bloody hate the formula 1 and get very resentful of DH watching it and think (thoroughly unreasonably) that he should be mowing the lawn or taking the kids swimming or something every time he sits down to watch it.

My 17 year old has an equally intense amount of study. She also does volunteer work in the week. I admit that occasionally her utter collapse onto my sofa on a Saturday is annoying. I also know it is necessary. She is exhausted.

My two had jobs from age 16 which were kept open for them all through university. One got on a competitive grad scheme and the other a masters internship with load of questions at interview about their part time jobs. Nothing special, JD Sports and Papa Johns. But four continuous years each balanced alongside studies. I really believe it made a difference.

My DS2 had jobs from being 16, and was at 6th form grammar so not a walk in the park. It was quite flexible so when the pressure was on he eased off the job, whe int was quieter he ramped it up. He had a car at 17 (bought himself) so needed to pay petrol and towards insurance. He has kept same job at uni, lives away but comes back home to work in the holidays and when he is skint. We had an understanding that school came first, and if he was feeling overwhelmed, he took a break. It had so many benefits apart from financial, went from being quite reserved and anxious to confident and able to vocalise in any situation.
Unfortunately I have little spare money so couhelp him financially so he had to take matters into his own hands. He is a complete miser with money😂as he knows what it takes to earn it.

This. What do you do all weekend? Are you working?

I think you are being a bit ridiculous.
Just because they were able to do "nothing" this weekend and would have had time to work this weekend doesn't mean that they would have the time to hold down a part-time job every weekend. The IB is very intense.

They should have set chores to do around the house though. Do they?

They can get a part-time job in the summer after the exams are over.

I teach A-level students, I think this close to exams is not the time to be starting a job. Those who work consistently throughout a levels seem to be able to manage their workload fairly effectively, and often their employers allow them to reduce hours around exams. Just starting a job now is going to wreak havoc on their time management, and an employer is not likely to give them time off during exam periods if they’ve only just started. I would definitely tell them you expect them to look for work as soon as exams are done though.