AIBU to think our 18 year olds should work instead of wasting away weekends?

[Roxen]

First of all, I know they are 18 so I have no control over this, it’s more about the debate between DH and I.

DH and I have twins who are 18, in their last year of school, they are doing IB diploma so it’s quite intense, has a lot involved in it, exams start at the end of April and run through May.

We agreed to neither of them having part time jobs as between their studies and the extra things they have to do they wouldn’t have time. However this weekend I’m feeling quite annoyed about that, as neither of them are going to do anything remotely related to school.

Last night they went to a friends birthday party, got home at about 2am, they then along with DD sat up for the F1 sprint race. Went to sleep for a few hours woke back up for qualifying and went to sleep again afterwards. Now they have all gone to the pub where they will stay all day for the 6 nations matches. DD has said when she gets home she will watch the Indian wells tennis semi-finals, before going to sleep and waking up for the F1 tomorrow. They then all have tickets for a football game tomorrow, before going out for dinner with school friends.

I think this is a stupid amount of time to spend doing very little over a whole weekend, I don’t really enjoy watching sports but my kids do and I increasingly feel it takes up all of their time. DH thinks it’s fine, it’s culture and they can study another weekend. I think if they have the time to waste a weekend away in front of the TV, they have time to take on a part time job.

AIBU?

You think your kids are lazy because they’re not working intensely 7 days a week? Bloody hell. Are they literally not allowed a break?

Because they've had one weekend off to relax? Do you work every day? Do you want your 18yr olds to burn out?

It’s like you begrudge your hard-working teens some time off. That’s a really odd attitude for a loving parent to have.

So you agreed something

and then literally in final weeks before exams, you’re getting pissy about it

Your children or step children?

I did the IB a decade ago. Couldn't fit work around it (especially with the CAS requirement) like my peers who did A-levels could. CAS began to taper off around this point in Year 13 as it got closer and closer to exams - which iirc are a little earlier than A-level exams.

I wouldn't be panicking that they're not working. Even a decade ago it was getting harder and harder to find part time work - I remember applying to work at Next in the Christmas sales and failing some sort of obscure psychometric test they'd given me. Didn't stop me finding gainful part-time and later full-time employment at university and beyond.

Their exams start in six weeks, so I think they are wrong to not do any studying at all for a whole weekend. Most people who want to do well would have their heads down at this point.

I do think you're unreasonable thinking they should have a job at this stage though.

If I were you, I would strongly encourage them to do some studying this weekend and remind them that they only get one chance to show what they can do, whereas there will be many other sporting events. Also remind them that their futures will be greatly affected by these exams. Your DH clearly isn't going to remind them of these facts, so you'll have to.

There's no reason why they can't study and watch some sport this weekend. I would be very displeased with the whole weekend off given how close the exams are.

Personally I don’t agree with the obsession with DC being down a mine as early as possible.

A levels/IB is a full time job as it is- or certainly should be if they want to get top grades.

In any event, they have their whole lives to work until 100.

Having time to "waste" on ONE weekend does not mean you have capacity to work EVERY weekend (which is what an employer would want).

Let them have some time off. My DS did work on Sunday mornings through sixth form, did four A'levels and frankly burnt out before exams.

Exactly my philosophy and my parents . Mine won’t even whilst at uni be working, just as I didn’t. Fun times!

They are not doing anything wrong. One weekend they relax and watch some sport? Come on.

When i was 18 I was out getting shitfaced most weekends and going to clubs. They sound like good kids who are putting the work in. Its one weekend. Give them a break.

IB is brutal, my dc are where you dc are and I don’t see how they would have time for a regular part time job.
I would be more concerned that they aren’t doing any exam studying.

I am fully in the camp of children having jobs as teens. I have noticed in my family that the young people who had jobs as teens are far more proactive about post university jobs and careers than the ones whose families didn’t want them to work because they thought it would interfere with their studies.

One thing working as a teen teaches you is that working minimum wage jobs is more often than not damn hard slog in potentially boring work for little reward , it is a great incentive to think hard about what jobs are going to be interesting and rewarding.

How many days per week do you work?

I've never worked more than 5 regardless of whether that work was paid employment, studying, or a mix of the two.

I think it's incredibly mean spirited to begrudge your teens enjoying their weekends in exactly the same way many adults with careers do.

I voted you were being unreasonable for a few reasons. It seems your children enjoy each other's company, are making memories together, and aren't glued to their phones. Good for them and you for raising socially confident children with varied interests.
You made the decision not to insist they got jobs, good for you, they have plenty of time for that, they are obviously intelligent and there are exams looming. Once this part of their education is done a job could very well be necessary but for now I'd let them be and pat yourself on the back for raising conscientious children who tell you about their plans!

All this is a perfect storm. It’s a big rugby day, it’s also the F1 your kids obviously love their sports. Having 1 weekend to blow out just before they buckle down is more beneficial then sending them into an anxiety attack because they haven’t done any work this weekend

Looking back, for me this was the one period in my life when I had very few worries, lots of friends and endless energy to enjoy life 🤣 It sounds like a great weekend, let them have it and don’t ruin this very short amount of time for them. Reality will hit all too soon.

Are all their week-ends like this?

I've heard all about this and am really surprised, and feel bad for students. I was doing A-Levels/uni in the first half of the Nineties, and it was super-easy to get a Saturday job and holiday jobs. Never thought I'd see the day when such jobs were so hard to get. I feel really sorry for young people today.

If they had a full time job would you expect them to work weekends too, or enjoy themselves?
weeks away from exams getting a job seems pointless. I think weekend only work is incredibly rare now, when DDs friends have gotten p/t jobs there’s huge pressure to work more hours than they are contracted to. They put loads of workers on minimal hours and then get them to do more to cover the work that needs doing. That’s if they can even get jobs. I don’t know any who just have weekend only.
One of her friends does work at the football club when there is a match on, but if there is a weekday match she’s often there until the early hours so not ideal.

I voted YABU for complaining that they are spending their time out and about at events that cost money or require tickets because they are clearly getting the money for all that from you.

You also admit to putting them off getting pt jobs in order to focus on their studying and whatever organized activities they do.

Cut off the money and they may well find they have the motivation to get jobs.

If they're planning to go to university and eventually start careers, they are going ro need a much longer work history on their CVs than you have anticipated. It is really, really important for them to get their asses into gear asap.

My daughter has a part time job as well as uni. You can tell kids how to be, show them how to be but you can’t physically teach them how to interact because they have different personalities. They learn that and my awkward & shy daughter who would refuse to get herself a takeaway tea if it meant talking to a stranger is now not only confident in doing so can be quite assertive if she feels wronged. All this came with her being employed.

What a misery. You sound like you don’t like to see your children enjoying themselves.

How did you have very few worries when there were all the exams!!

Agreed. Not sure OP would be fussed if they were going to a theatre matinee tomorrow.