AIBU to think our 18 year olds should work instead of wasting away weekends?

[Roxen]

First of all, I know they are 18 so I have no control over this, it’s more about the debate between DH and I.

DH and I have twins who are 18, in their last year of school, they are doing IB diploma so it’s quite intense, has a lot involved in it, exams start at the end of April and run through May.

We agreed to neither of them having part time jobs as between their studies and the extra things they have to do they wouldn’t have time. However this weekend I’m feeling quite annoyed about that, as neither of them are going to do anything remotely related to school.

Last night they went to a friends birthday party, got home at about 2am, they then along with DD sat up for the F1 sprint race. Went to sleep for a few hours woke back up for qualifying and went to sleep again afterwards. Now they have all gone to the pub where they will stay all day for the 6 nations matches. DD has said when she gets home she will watch the Indian wells tennis semi-finals, before going to sleep and waking up for the F1 tomorrow. They then all have tickets for a football game tomorrow, before going out for dinner with school friends.

I think this is a stupid amount of time to spend doing very little over a whole weekend, I don’t really enjoy watching sports but my kids do and I increasingly feel it takes up all of their time. DH thinks it’s fine, it’s culture and they can study another weekend. I think if they have the time to waste a weekend away in front of the TV, they have time to take on a part time job.

AIBU?

We've programmed ourselves to believe we need to work until our health goes and then spend what little time we have left trying to finally live. Work is not all there is to life and they will have many, many decades to focus on work. Let them enjoy their youth. It's fleeting.

I’ve taught IB - it is intense and the exams are really soon. None of mine worked during A levels or uni, it’s all stressful enough anyway. I’d leave them be.

Sounds like a lovely weekend to me.

I think they are missing an opportunity. I have a 17yo who has a job as a pool lifeguard on Saturday afternoons. He has saved £5k towards his first year at uni so far, he has 8 months customer service experience, he's made friends with the other lifeguards and it gets him up, clean, tidy, shaved and out.

When his A levels are over he can work as many shifts as he wants all summer, to reduce his student debt.

He seems to have a following of teenage girls in bikinis too.

They’re studying, you agreed they wouldn’t work whilst doing their course. They are allowed some free time, it’s actually really good as a way to de stress.

Our youngest is doing A levels and we don’t expect her to work whilst going them. We encourage her to take time to do hobbies, see friends and have fun. She works hard and deserves some time to be care free.

I don't know what IB is but at that age they do need a lot of down time. Though if they're in school (at 18 I thought they'd be away at uni?) then they need to pace themselves.

You think they should be working 7 days a week? You don't think weekends are for having fun, relaxing and doing what you like? Is that how you live your life?

Personally I'd be much more concerned that they're frittering away the money given by their grandparents. I'd have been seriously encouraging them to put almost all of it in an Lifetime ISA/fixed interest account or somewhere else they couldn't touch it for a good while.

I teach post-secondary students (not high school students). I said that some students who work do well, but on average, they don't do as well as students who don't work. Your example is anecdotal evidence. I teach about 250 students per year and have taught for close to 30 years and this is what I have seen.

I went back and reread my post. I completely agree with you that my comment "OP, were you hoping your children would go to university? If so, don't destroy their chances by making them get a job", is definitely overly dramatic. And I think you are correct: working only 8 hours a week is unlikely to affect a student's grades. It is the students that work 20 or 30 hours a week whose grades suffer.

Surely they are allowed some down time and relaxation.
I didn't expect my children to work when they were doing their A levels because I thought their doing their school work was enough. My daughter did decide to have a part time job for extra clothes nights out etc but it was her choice.
They will be busy enough soon enough with exams anyway and their activities sound reasonable so why not just let them enjoy themselves while they can

Yeah my dd has a PT job since she was 16yo, she worked alongside her college studies.

I think it’s important for them to earn their own money and it teaches them really important skills about the world of work.

Plenty of time for that.
Doesnt have to be at 16 in a pt job.

The trouble is that, things are so hard now, you can't get a uni job unless you have had a sixth form job, and you can't get a summer placement without work experience, and you can't get a "proper" job without having placement experience.

Every year I have some Y13s who are going to work full-time over Easter. Drives me nuts.

Thats not been the experience of my 3 dds.

So they are already at school/college 30+ hours a week, presumably having to study some evenings and weekends, but you want them working too? Are you a Victorian Mill Owner? Teenagers are allowed to have fun sometimes.

Clever children often spend too much time studying to get uber uber top grades. It does them a disservice imo as later on they have more trouble forming and maintaining friends and partner relationships. I’ve seen it playing out many times.

The brain apparently can’t manage to develop across the board at once, and being able to deal well with people is, after a certain level of intelligence is reached, the main skill that determines success imo.

So in this case, I’d encourage socialising.

You don't know how fortunate you are to have raised such happy, popular young people with interests they can share with friends and confidence that must support their enjoyment of life so effectively. My DCs would have loved to have been like yours at 18, but were all at the shy end of the scale and struggled to trust others or themselves in friendships. You are very lucky. Enjoy their happiness. x

I am surprised how anti-18 year olds working everyone is on this thread.

My DC are 18 and 16 and they and a large number of their friends have part time jobs. They are doing A Levels, not IB, I admit, but I think it's important for young people to learn the value of saving up for things, earning their own money to spend how they like, and not indefinitely expecting their parents to pay for their social lives.

That said, I wouldn't be suggesting students about to start a big exam season should now be looking for a job.

I'm curious to hear what you've done this weekend... I hope you worked, studied or otherwise spent your entire weekend doing productive things, instead of wasting it away.

Why would you ever need to relax, have fun or socialise!

And how old are they? Things have changed a lot in the last year or two. What was true just a few years ago, is not the case now.

This thread is full of people saying how hard it is for sixth form students to get jobs. When my DD started sixth form 3.5 years ago, people in her year who wanted a job all had one, and were chopping and changing between jobs at will because there was so little issue in getting one. Not the case now.

This. They’re hardly slacking off the rest of the time, just let them enjoy their lives!

You agreed that they shouldn’t have jobs. So why are you complaining that they don’t have jobs!

im so surprised how many say YABU. I worked since I was 14, and I did IB, and loads of hobbies. I would stop giving them any money, they need to work. They’ll be so spoilt otherwise and no work ethic, although seeing these responses Im not surprised current young adults are like this.

I did the IB all be it a fair few years ago and I had a part time job. I think I worked on Wednesdays and Saturday evenings and maybe some Sundays in Sainsbury’s