AIBU to think our 18 year olds should work instead of wasting away weekends?

[Roxen]

First of all, I know they are 18 so I have no control over this, it’s more about the debate between DH and I.

DH and I have twins who are 18, in their last year of school, they are doing IB diploma so it’s quite intense, has a lot involved in it, exams start at the end of April and run through May.

We agreed to neither of them having part time jobs as between their studies and the extra things they have to do they wouldn’t have time. However this weekend I’m feeling quite annoyed about that, as neither of them are going to do anything remotely related to school.

Last night they went to a friends birthday party, got home at about 2am, they then along with DD sat up for the F1 sprint race. Went to sleep for a few hours woke back up for qualifying and went to sleep again afterwards. Now they have all gone to the pub where they will stay all day for the 6 nations matches. DD has said when she gets home she will watch the Indian wells tennis semi-finals, before going to sleep and waking up for the F1 tomorrow. They then all have tickets for a football game tomorrow, before going out for dinner with school friends.

I think this is a stupid amount of time to spend doing very little over a whole weekend, I don’t really enjoy watching sports but my kids do and I increasingly feel it takes up all of their time. DH thinks it’s fine, it’s culture and they can study another weekend. I think if they have the time to waste a weekend away in front of the TV, they have time to take on a part time job.

AIBU?

It's a shame that Saturday / weekend/ PT jobs are not easily available. From 13 on , yeah I know , I worked after school , Saturdays and summer holidays . Great life skills , great independence. And did most people I know , delivery boy , etc. And we had exams , studied and partied . At 18 you should be able to manage a full and active life. It definitely has contributed to the snowflake generation and made them financially inept compared to other generations . But it is not their fault .
It would do them good if they managed to get a Saturday job , study Sunday . Still leaves time for social things but they may have to make choices.

Where are all these mythical jobs for hundreds of thousands of youngsters? Young unemployment is already a million and that's those who've left education, not including those still in it.

Have you not noticed that shops and pubs and boarding houses have been closing down for decades? The days are long gone when you can get a "Saturday" job for a few hours with your local Mrs Miggin's greengrocers. It's mostly corporates now who want "on demand" workers on zero hours contracts and want you available for random shifts at a minute's notice - they want staff who can work the random Wednesday afternoon, not someone for every Saturday. And they don't want staff who are going to be unavailable one random weekend when they have a lot of study work to do as it gets closer to exam time.

Times have changed. Go back to the 80s and 90s and it was easy for students to get part time jobs as there were lots of small/local businesses. Out of town supermarkets, retail parks, online retail, corporate hotels/restaurants have changed the entire environment and really don't want random 18 year olds who are only available for the occasional Sat/Sun outside term times!

But they’re at school all week? Surely the point of the weekend is to have some downtime, to spend time with friends and family, to spend time enjoying hobbies. Do you really think life should just be about studying and working? Why do you see doing things they enjoy as ‘wasting away.’ Do you not have any hobbies or spend any time on leisure activities and socialising yourself?

Do you get an allowance from you? How do they finance their sports events and tickets?

I don' t think the IB is compatible with a regular weekend job.

My parents-in-law much to the protest of DH and I have them both a hell of a lot of money for their 18th (5 figures). They have saved some of it but they have both got a bit spend happy.

Would you like to back off and leave them alone?
Did you and your husband work during weekends when young?
They aren't doing anything wrong.

So people who are busy during the week should not be allowed to rest and relax with things they enjoy at the weekend?

Thats quite unreasonable. Why shouldnt people have weekends to enjoy?

The social aspect of youth is often overlooked by those who have already experienced it. There are huge beneficial gains in learning how to socialise and network, and your late teens can be really important developmentally in honing skills that you’ll go on to use professionally for the rest of your life.

Think of it as CPD. They’re working hard through the week and ought to be allowed some downtime, unless you too work 7 days a week to show them how It’s done.

If they've nearly got to Easter of their final year without you thinking they had too much time on their hands, then they clearly are mostly busy. It's realistically a really bad time to start working now.

I'd make a point about encouraging summer jobs though.

Is it every weekend?

I think it’s tricky as they need downtime if study is quite intense.

It sounds like they are lovely sociable children getting a good balance in their lives.

I suspect your lack of interest in sport is driving your perception.

Maybe get them each to organise meal at the weekend/do some chores.
I wish my parents had taught me how to do housework. They did at least have me cooking meals for the family by my mid teens

It’s a really tricky balance and I can’t say we have got it right either.

daughter 18 has always had a job , paperround, then Saturday at a hair dresser, then washer up in a pub moving to bar work that she does currently.

she was motivated as we didn’t really do any pocket money/ pay for things (occasionally we would fund a trip or day out if she had put to it )

she does have a great work ethic that I’m really proud of, but tbh she works to much , and now she’s 18 I have little say in it.

she’s fortunate really as she isn’t doing a levels , but a level 3 at college, and providing she finishes all her assignments she will be done in about 3 school weeks.

but she looks shattered. She is used to picking up extra shifts and the money it brings, and does pay for her own car ( all of it ) but would struggle to manage without her nearly full time wage.

I gently suggested she did a few less shifts to finish her college work, she took a day off and disappeared out with her mates till 4 in the morning - so I have learned my lesson on that one.

for the most part I don’t think there is much we can do once they hit 18, and I have a feeling that a lot of people struggle with this period of time - we have to try remember that they are adults, but it’s really hard !

obviously yours can only go out all weekend if they are funded , so that’s something you need to decide if you are happy doing. It sounds like a bit less might motivate them to find a job (and there are pt jobs out there for them) - but who knows if that will help.

we are also very aware of not rocking the boat while we try hang on until uni/ next steps!

Sounds like they needed the downtime and fun to decompress

Give them a break, they'll spend the rest of their lives working

Good for them!

Yabu. They are in full time occupation -education.

I don’t think they are wasting away their weekends.
Theyve been to a party, going to a pub, going to a football match. It’s socialising. It’s LIVING.
I really thought your post was going to be about how they just sleep all day and game/watch tv all night.

That said though, a Saturday job wouldn’t hurt. I worked in a shop from being 16, to make my own money. I did 8 hours every Saturday and still had enough energy to socialise Saturday night and do nice things on a Sunday. A balance is good.

Exactly

It's not just the CAS, it's the IAs (independent assessments) on top of it that are killing the IB kids round here. So hard for them and they can take so much time. My dd is doing the IB diploma and there is no way I'd want her giving up her top grades for a Saturday job. Very rare she's just flopping around for a weekend anyway.

My DD is 18 and at college all week which she drives 30 miles there and back 5 days a week and she's a carer in her spare time. She gets every other weekend off from her job. She is absolutely burnt out if she doesn't get some free time and she's not doing as much in education. Imagine being in work all week then you getting a second job on top for all weekend, by the time Monday comes round you would be wanting a day off.
I'm with PP if you can't waste time and go to the pub now at 18 when can you? Let them have a bit of a life whilst they are young.

My DD is 16 and works two Saturdays a month and 3 hours one week night each week. College as extended diploma plus 300 hours of voluntary work. She has chronic fatigue and it can be hard but that's life.

It is possible.

DS 19 also worked from 16, he worked every Saturday plus one week night. Still does now he's at uni and actually works more hours and nearer to full time in the holidays.

If you let them sit on their arses they will.

DD didn't work during school time purely because it is basically impossible to get a job here unless you know somebody who knows somebody. She also had 15 hours face-to-face school lessons, she was expected to work 15 extra hours pre-reading and homework, coursework plus extra revisions for the mocks and tests. That's basically a full working week any adult has.

She also had hobbies 2 evenings, did volunteering with the Scouts. I didn't mind if she spent half a Saturday in bed or watched television.

After A levels before uni, she did basically replaced my cleaner. She did the cleaning,ironing, shopping and all kind of jobs around the house.

One of my kids has just started a graduate job. They are stressed and tired, working all hours for not huge amounts of pay and worrying about their job at the weekend. Let’s eat teenagers relax a bit. Once you enter the world of work, it can be pretty relentless and soul-destroying, especially at the beginning. Having seen my child go through this, I would say that let 18-year-olds relax if they can afford it, before the serious world of work starts!