AIBU to think our 18 year olds should work instead of wasting away weekends?

[Roxen]

First of all, I know they are 18 so I have no control over this, it’s more about the debate between DH and I.

DH and I have twins who are 18, in their last year of school, they are doing IB diploma so it’s quite intense, has a lot involved in it, exams start at the end of April and run through May.

We agreed to neither of them having part time jobs as between their studies and the extra things they have to do they wouldn’t have time. However this weekend I’m feeling quite annoyed about that, as neither of them are going to do anything remotely related to school.

Last night they went to a friends birthday party, got home at about 2am, they then along with DD sat up for the F1 sprint race. Went to sleep for a few hours woke back up for qualifying and went to sleep again afterwards. Now they have all gone to the pub where they will stay all day for the 6 nations matches. DD has said when she gets home she will watch the Indian wells tennis semi-finals, before going to sleep and waking up for the F1 tomorrow. They then all have tickets for a football game tomorrow, before going out for dinner with school friends.

I think this is a stupid amount of time to spend doing very little over a whole weekend, I don’t really enjoy watching sports but my kids do and I increasingly feel it takes up all of their time. DH thinks it’s fine, it’s culture and they can study another weekend. I think if they have the time to waste a weekend away in front of the TV, they have time to take on a part time job.

AIBU?

All of this!

@Roxen We agreed to neither of them having part time jobs as between their studies and the extra things they have to do they wouldn’t have time. However this weekend I’m feeling quite annoyed about that, as neither of them are going to do anything remotely related to school.

Weird stance. It is absolutely normal for 18 year olds to have part time jobs during evenings and weekends, even teens who perform highly academically.

Last night they went to a friends birthday party, got home at about 2am, they then along with DD sat up for the F1 sprint race. Went to sleep for a few hours woke back up for qualifying and went to sleep again afterwards. Now they have all gone to the pub where they will stay all day for the 6 nations matches. DD has said when she gets home she will watch the Indian wells tennis semi-finals, before going to sleep and waking up for the F1 tomorrow. They then all have tickets for a football game tomorrow, before going out for dinner with school friends.

Sorry, but do you have daughters or princesses? They sound like kids who are afraid of getting their hands dirty.

Gosh how times have changed. I’m surprised how many on here think teenagers having a Saturday job is tantamount to child cruelty.

I presume it is the financial gift from grandparents that has sucked any need to get a job from them? My DD got a job the weekend before her 16th birthday and continued to do jobs whilst at University. We never denied her money but she was determined to earn for herself. She also managed good A level results and to look after and ride her horse and compete in dressage competitions.

Interested that graduate recruiters look at Saturday jobs as a differentiator between candidates……

Are they at college/learning for 5 days a week?
If so, how many days off a week do you think is acceptable?
Do you and your husband work more than 5 days a week? Do you "waste" your weekend, or work extra?
Do they not deserve any down time to enjoy themselves?

Exams are in six weeks. They really, really should do something this weekend, even if it's just a couple of hours each of the days.

I think it’s better if they have some sort of work. Are they at private school? I’m wondering if it’s less common for private school students to have part time jobs as parents can afford to finance their social lives a bit more?

But OP - you're the one who said they would be too busy for a job.

Suck it up! You can't have it both ways.

That's crazy. They will graduate at 21 and be looking for jobs but will have zero work experience. They should work in uni holidays.

Not now, though - exams start in six weeks! After they're done for the summer, yes, some work would be a good thing.

I'm a bit old school & think everyone should work from age 16, even if it's a washing up job on Sunday for a few hours. I think it teaches young people something that simply cannot be taught at home or at school & it shows young people hoe hard you have to work for a cinema ticket or a night out etc. My son was very, very fortunate to get a decent apprenticeship & I'm pretty certain his pub/washing up/cleaning job alongside A levels got him the job.

Working? No. Doing some revision? Yes.

Where are the jobs for teens with no experience? Almost impossible.

Well I personally wouldn't 'work' 7 days a week so I wouldn't expect it of my year 13.
I actually think it's important to socialise and have down time when studying and I'm surprised you begrudge your teens a weekend of fun.

I presume you took loads of work home this Friday to make sure your weekend was not wasted?
Rest is very important for proper functioning of body and brain. Life experiences such as hobbies and socialising are extremely important for development. Yes, a job is nice. However, when I was doing my masters, I had a very intense two years. I would not be able to handle a job but had time for other enjoyable things including keeping fit and socialising. I wouldn't survive my masters without proper work-life balance.

The sound happy, relaxed, sociable, fond of their siblings - what a wonderful weekend (possibly life) they are having. Everyone needs to relax sometimes. Providing they are working hard at the academic stuff during the week, weekends off will be good for them. But I wouldn't give them loads of spending money. If they want money to spend on socialising, they should earn some of it.

@FloofBunny I don’t think anyone would suggest suddenly finding a job 6 weeks before their exams. But they should work over the summer.

They've had A full weekend. Presumeably they don't do this every weekend? As long as they're up to date with their work and getting decent feedback then I don't see the harm. They'll have far less time to do all this in a weekend once they have full time jobs so why not let them enjoy it now?

Not really, my son doesn't have a job and he's in Year 13. I'm happy for him to chill a bit at the weekends as that's what I do for at least some of the time. It's also good if he does some revision, which I think is more important than a job right now.

Resting and socialising isn’t a waste of time. Regardless of whether they ‘should’ also be working and from what age (and I don’t think there are hard and fast rules), it’s positively beneficial to regularly spend a few days off from work and study. For everyone.

I’m firmly in the camp of believing they have decades of work to come. As long as they aren’t slothing about for months at a time I don’t see what there is to be irritated about.

OMG they're teenagers, let them have a weekend off to do nothing and have fun with their friends.

IB is a huge commitment. Everyone needs to take a break from time to time. I wish them all the best in their exams.

My dc is doing the IB and it’s horrific and pressured. They’ve probably only just finalised their ee , ias and orals and this weekend is their downtime before exam season. You are being really unreasonable because they’re doing something that you don’t enjoy.

No you’re right it’s not every weekend and DH has pointed out that with two F1 races cancelled and six nations over they won’t be as distracted by sport in the run up to exams. I guess super Saturday, the start of the F1 season and Indian Wells finals weekend is making for a more sport focused weekend than normal.

I'm probably a bit of a softie but I say leave them to it.

They work hard, you don't need them to work for financial reasons, part-time jobs are simply not available the way they used to be, they don't cause trouble, they're good kids.

The world is a dumpster fire and it's not getting better any time soon. If their worst crime is spending one weekend of leisure time doing something that you personally don't enjoy then I think you should ease off them and thank your lucky stars!

There has ben a few articles in the press with ref of how hard it is to get a Saturday job. It sounds as though they will be busy studying in the weeks to come. I say cut them some slack and I hope they enjoy time with their friends.

They are doing things though? My kids and partner look forward to F1 and I love that they spend that quality time together. A party is a normal thing for teens to do as is going to the pub. Weekend naps - especially after a party - are delicious.