AIBU to think parents decorating brother’s new house is overstepping?

[Firewizard]

I have my own views on this but am often shouted down and seen as weird so looking for outside opinions.

My brother is 31 and has recently moved house. He’s single but got a steady girlfriend he’s been with for a year or so. The house is a bit of a do-er upper so he has made a start with cleaning and some simple decorating.
My parents went to visit him last week to see the house for the first time. They have been decorating while he is at work all day and then goes to the gym or sees his girlfriend in the evening, doing tip runs and deep cleaning his appliances and flooring.

They were also very involved in the buying process, calling the solicitors and estate agents to chase them up. They said they were just helping as my brother is very busy at work during the day.

Is this normal family help or does this leak into the realms of overstepping? My brother is very happy for them to do this because he is quite lazy and it means he doesn’t have to do it!

Sounds lovely… I would LOVE to do this for my son whilst he was at work personally and if I had the time

It's only overstepping if your brother doesn't want them to do it. Personally I'd hate that level of involvement from another adult in my life but each to their own.

I have my own views on this

I bet you do and without actually clarifying them OP… trust me when I say your own views are abundantly clear!

How can it be overstepping if he is happy with it?

If your brother is happy with it, how can it be overstepping?

My DD knows when she buys her first place we would always be on hand to help with anything. My parents were the same.

We said almost the exact same thing at the exact same time. 🤣

Provided both are happy, why not?

Sounds normal to me my parents love to help with that kind of stuff!

This is obviously completely OTT, but if they’re happy to do it and he’s happy to take it, fair enough.
Do you feel your brother should be doing more himself, or did your parents not help you (because you didn’t ask)? Are they financially put-out by helping?

Your brother isn’t single if he has a long time girlfriend

if your brother is happy for them to do this, then there’s no issue, is there?

He sounds like a golden child. Or a manchild. Possibly both. Just let it go. It won't matter what you say.

Good point

Has he ever done anything by himself?
It's nice to help, but if he actually never does or does anything by himsepf, they are setting him up for failure later in life and live in relationship... Is that what you mean?

Maybe he is not a very confident at DIY so has asked for help.

Would they ever offer to do the same for you or is it a boy/Golden child scenario?

If your brother is happy and they are happy to do it then it's all fine and frankly nothing to do with you.

I don't think it's a normal amount - but then my family wouldn't be doing this but if everyone involved is happy then don't see a problem. Future DP of your brother may have issues with involvemement level but again that would be for them to negotiate.

Have you got your own place too. Do they help you or do you not want help.

I suppose I just mean they still treat him like a child. He’s fine with it obviously because it means he never has to do anything for himself! As I said, they even rang estate agents to arrange viewings for him and sorted all the stuff out with the solicitors. Paid the deposit etc.

I know they are just trying to be nice but he is very naive and I worry they aren’t letting him learn by not cutting the apron strings. He didn’t even know you had to buy a stamp to post a card fgs! They get very angry at me when I try and suggest they let him do things for himself.

weve never met the girlfriend, if I were her I’d be running for the hills!

They would do the same for me if I asked, but I never would because I am an adult and have a sense of pride…..

I'm not the kind of person who can just let other people be the managers of my household. This would drive me mad. It feels like someone coming to my house and looking after my kids everyday. But some people like that.

We have an issue with dp parents becuase they're overbearing and controlling. But they've recently become close with a couple our age who love it. They dont work, they live next door but literslly only sleep in their own house, they do chores for them, spend all day every day with them. PILs decorated their bedroom for them and it looks identical to MILs, identical. PILs love having control over someone's lives. And this couple love not having to be in charge of their own lives. I couldn't stand it and I find it so strange that adults are happy like that but it makes them all happy so whatever, leave them to it.

Your parents sound lovely. Absolutely nothing wrong with helping adult children ,as long as it’s appreciated. Do you think parents’over step’ the mark helping with childcare,building ikea furniture ,gardening,taking washing home if adult children are going on holiday etc to help their adult children as long?
It’s normal family life.

Your parents seem really kind.
I shake my head at how naive I was when I bought my first house/ car/ raising kids. Of course he will learn

If he's happy with it then they are not overstepping
Many years ago when I moved my parents came to visit specifically to help me decorate etc. When we moved to this house they visited just to sort out the garden. They offered both times and I very much appreciated their help