to keep him off school some days at the moment

[tinyyturtle]

hello first post so hope im doing this right

i have 3 boys ds1 is 4 and in reception ds2 is 2.5 and doesnt walk and ds3 is 10 weeks old today

school is about 2 miles away and i dont drive. walking isnt really possible for me as i have mobility problems myself so the bus is the only realistic way of doing it

ds2 technically still fits in a normal buggy but it doesnt support him properly and he kind of slumps to one side. he does have a sen buggy but its massive and its honestly a pain on the bus. half the time theres no space and trying to get on with that plus ds1 and the baby in a sling and bags is a whole thing

bus drivers also dont see it as a disabled buggy they just see a big buggy and expect me to fold it. which is hard because then i have to find somewhere safe to put ds2 while i fold it and hold the baby at the same time which isnt exactly easy

people do tut as well which doesnt help

some mornings its just chaos. if i take the big buggy i struggle getting it on and off and folding it while holding the baby. if i take the normal buggy ds2 just slides about and i feel bad about that

the baby cries a lot on the bus too which makes the whole thing more stressful

so the truth is ds1 has missed a fair bit of school recently. more than id like really. some mornings i just cant face doing the whole bus situation and i keep him home

i know reception isnt technically compulsory but i also know its not ideal for him missing days and i do feel guilty about it

aibu to just keep him off sometimes for now until the baby is a bit older and things settle down a bit or should i be pushing myself to get him there every day even if its a nightmare

im honestly exhausted at the moment and just wondering what other people would do in this situation

Do you have any family support?
Could you move him to a closer school?

it sounds very hard indeed for you but missing school is a last resort. Your DS deserves to go to school.

I also think you need some help in all this.

As pp has said, your ds1 deserves to be at school.

Do you have a partner? Can they be involved with the morning routine, or do the drop off?

Or can someone else look after at least DC2 at home?

Reception is not optional. Your child is of Compulsory school age from the term following his 5th birthday so if he is 5 soon then heveill be compulsory school age after Easter. Not sending him to school is sending him all the wrong signals. You need to try yo find a closer school or someone who can take him for you.

That does sound difficult. I'm sorry to hear that it is such a struggle. Would it be worth contacting the school about it? If you have mobility problems and a disabled child then that is going to be a long term issue. It would be worth talking to them about it asap and asking for thoughts on how to manage. It might be that there is a closer school, or you might be able to get a motabilty car so you could drive.

The mornings sound tough, but I’m afraid DS needs to go to school. What support do you have? Is there another parent within the household who could help? A school parent who could give DS a lift in, a couple of day’s a week?

Or could you move dc1 to a nearer school?

Reception is compulsory once they’re 5 or the term the turn 5 (someone will be along who remembers which it is). The whole thing isn’t optional.

I think you know he needs to go. But i can also understand it is a nightmare. I would just not fold the buggy and tell the bus driver DS2 is disabled and you can't safely take him out of it. Could you go earlier in the morning at a less busy time, is there somewhere you could take the kids for a trot around in a park or to a coffee shop some days so it is less stressful? Do you have a partner or family who could help you (dropping DS1 or having DS2 or baby whilst you do it)?

I guess I’m not sure what will be better in a few months when it’s definitely not reception. You’ll just have 2 bigger children to get on and off the bus. I think you need to figure out how to make it work while you still have an easier situation with smaller kids and then hopefully find a routine.

If you’re renting I’d look to move as I’m assuming learning to drive isn’t an option. This isn’t going to get easier for a long time if ever sadly

Why did you make such a shitty comment when quite clearly it was a bad idea?

Well she isn't exactly send them back can she! The situation is not ideal but comments like yours dont help her one iota.

You need to find a way to get your son to school every day - even if you consider Reception as ‘non-compulsory’, it’s valuable for him and it doesn’t sound like a lot will really change once he’s in Year 1 (the baby will just be a tricky toddler and 2.5-year-old will be even bigger but presumably still need help?) It’s hard for you and I do have sympathy, but your son’s education can’t just be seen as the easiest thing to let slide, it’s not fair.

I didn’t know they offered returns on children

It was a perfectly reasonable response!

Was the school on your list of preferences? If so, I don’t think you can get any help. If it was allocated to you and not one you wanted, you could see whether the council will offer transport, although I doubt it.

This is going to become more difficult for you. DS2 will need his big buggy more and the baby too. Is there a nearer school that you could apply to, because your child can’t keep missing school.

OP your child with physical disabilities as I think you say, could have a badge I bought online when my child was very young (she now has a wheelchair) to attach to his buggy that’s “please treat as a wheelchair “. Then you do not have to fold it down and can ask for the appropriate space. But that’s a small issue.
Where’s the father or fathers of your children?
Anyone else who can help?

This sounds like a tricky situation, but I wouldn't consider it an option to not take my child to school.
Can someone else come and pick him up instead? Can you move closer to the school, or is there a closer school to move him to?

Out of curiosity does the 2.5 year old have a physical disability or is it linked to a neurological disability (eg autism) - I’m wondering if you’d qualify for a car on the mobility scheme

Where is the father? This is not good enough. School isn’t optional and they’ll just fall further behind.
Can you move closer to school? You have years of the journey ahead of you.

Or I’m wondering if the school could put you in touch with a family who live close by that could possibly provide a lift for your child? (If you and they were happy with that arrangement?)

You cant keep a child off school for no reason

You have a responsibility to get your child to school. He deserves an education.

A double buggy for the 2.5 and newborn? I had the same age gap with DCs 2&3 and they were in a double buggy for a couple of years (mainly to stop them running in opposite directions!) I loved it.

Can your partner request flexible working so they can help?

I’m sorry to hear you’re having such a tough time. But you need to do everything you can to get your eldest to school.
Go early, get to bed earlier, give other children to safe people to mind, ask school for a taxi, contact the council, move schools, move house, ask a parent bear you to take your child to school- ask the school to ask a teacher if they can do it.

do everything you can think of to get him there every day. Don’t give up until this is resolved. It’s the most important thing.