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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be sick of Cool Girl Mum sister-in-law?

324 replies

ThatPlumViewer · 13/03/2026 14:41

Absolutely at my limit with my sis in law and want to know if anyone else has come across this kind of Mum. The best way to describe it is that she is a pick me/cool girl Mum who always gives the impression she’s too good for motherhood.

The straw that broke the camels back was last weekend. We were all at my Mum’s house and she was given a homemade card from my brother and sister in laws son, my nephew. I said something along the lines of “ah how sweet, did he make one for you too?” to my SIL, and in response she just laughed and said no, that she doesn’t celebrate Mother’s Day so that’s why he made the card for his Granny when they made them at school. I must have looked shocked because she went on to explain that she finds Mother’s Day really naff and cringey, and she doesn’t need a day to be celebrated for doing something ordinary. It was as if she was judging those of us who do make a big deal about it.

I can’t stop thinking about how pathetic she is. This is a long line of behaviour like this from her. She was weird about her pregnancy - she was constantly saying how easy she found it, she never got sickness, she barely even felt pregnant. She chose to have a c-section and kept joking with us all that she was “too posh to push” like she was better than having a normal labour. She didn’t even give birth in her local hospital because her and my brother did loads of research and she decided she had to be in an outstanding rated hospital, and so travelled for that. She didn’t breastfeed and I know she told my Mum she found it gross which felt goady to those of us who did, and was always telling everyone who my brother did everything for her post-partum and she couldn’t understand why so many women struggled to shower with a baby. She never wanted to be called “mummy” and I know she got into a row with a health visitor when they referred to her as such.

Her son sometimes calls her by her first name now and only sometimes Mum, which is so pretentious. Everything she does is like a dig at the way Mum’s usually do things. She always said she never really felt different when she became a mother, didn’t have the usual trenches with her baby and went back to work full time with no problems. She always says her son has slotted into their lives perfectly. It’s like she thinks admitting anything has been hard or a struggle is embarrassing. It’s exactly like all the Cool Girl wives on here who say they don’t care about their husband watching porn or going to strip clubs - I feel like she’s trying to make herself look better than all the rest of us who like Mother’s Day and found newborns difficult. Everyone else I know who became a Mum found a real solidarity in being real and honest with other mums about things, but she wants to appear completely relaxed and too cool to hang out with other Mums. I just think the Mother’s Day thing has tipped me over the edge.

OP posts:
hothouser · 13/03/2026 14:41

She sounds like she’s lacking in self esteem

Drivingmissrangey · 13/03/2026 14:46

I’d say you’re the one with the bigger issues OP. You sound incredibly judgmental.

inmyfashion · 13/03/2026 14:47

hothouser · 13/03/2026 14:41

She sounds like she’s lacking in self esteem

I think OP sounds like she’s lacking in self esteem! 😬

thesealion · 13/03/2026 14:49

She is allowed to have a different experience to/opinions on motherhood than you. But of course the baby’s other parent should be stepping up to allow mothers time to shower ffs that’s a very basic expectation

Notmyreality · 13/03/2026 14:49

She just sounds like an idiot. Obviously got issues with the way she wants to be perceived. I would presume she always perceived herself as someone destined or bigger and better things than “mere” motherhood.

rubyslippers · 13/03/2026 14:49

Why are you taking everything see does and says as a personal attack on you?!

Sustainbrain · 13/03/2026 14:50

Either this is a wind up or you definitely have issues and you need therapy as this is wildly off kilter

champagnetrial · 13/03/2026 14:50

She sounds like she's waaaay overthinking things. I think you should be glad you are not in her head because it sounds very noisy in there. Calm thoughts.

outerspacepotato · 13/03/2026 14:50

There's all kinds of different ways to do motherhood. Lose the Judgey pants, they make you look like a big ass.

Swissmeringue · 13/03/2026 14:51

Sounds like her biggest problem is a judgy sister in law tbh. Just because she does things differently to you doesn't mean there's anything "wrong" with how she does them. Doing research and picking the best possible hospital to give birth in is perfectly sensible. Going back to full time work is absolutely fine if that's what she wants to do. How she chooses to feed a baby is irrelevant. Getting her kids to make their mother's day cards for their granny is a lovely idea if it's not a day she feels the need to celebrate. Not everyone struggles when they have a baby. I'd just be happy for her that she's getting to live life on her own terms, even if you're very different to one another.

Sustainbrain · 13/03/2026 14:51

Is this some kind of thinly veiled class dig? You and the other mums throwing chicken nuggets at your children while she wafts about back in shape and talking about skiing holidays?

maysayyea · 13/03/2026 14:52

Sounds like she’s comfortable in her own skin and does things her own way. Does not mean she’s having a pop at you or anyone else.

Moltenpink · 13/03/2026 14:55

Just from another perspective, I was a bit like this and it took me a long time to recognise it as bad PND and denial at becoming a mother.

VegBox · 13/03/2026 14:56

Perhaps she is just a bit more competent and secure than you are?

Tableforjoan · 13/03/2026 14:56

Sounds like you rather judgy of her.

So what if she was too posh to push and picked the best hospital for her birth.

So what if she personally finds breastfeeding weird. They are her boobs.

She doesn’t celebrate Mother’s Day. Oh well you’re the one who asked and she explained.

She had an easy baby and recovery? Great love that for her. It’s nice when people don’t struggle.

These are all your issues with her rather than her doing anything wrong.

Dobequiet · 13/03/2026 14:56

inmyfashion · 13/03/2026 14:47

I think OP sounds like she’s lacking in self esteem! 😬

Yep!

I think this says more about you than her op.

You have taken everything personally. You don’t both need to have the same experiences or approach to parenting.

DappledThings · 13/03/2026 14:57

She sounds a bit annoying and I can see why it's a bit tedious but not why it's getting to you so much. Just roll your eyes and ignore. You're choosing to take things as digs at you when she isn't necessarily comparing herself to anyone or judging them.

I do relate to her attitude of "she finds Mother’s Day really naff and cringey, and she doesn’t need a day to be celebrated for doing something ordinary" as I feel the same but I would never voice that in a million years and especially not to my DC in relation to their homemade cards.

previouslyknownas · 13/03/2026 14:57

You sound very jealous and insecure

she seems to be very sure of how she wants to be a mother

Squirrelchops1 · 13/03/2026 14:57

Fair play to her for not wanting to succumb to the parenting martyrdom that is rife.

Shitmonger · 13/03/2026 14:57

I think you’re giving this too much headspace. She probably doesn’t think about you as much as you seem to think about her and I doubt that everything she says is a deliberate criticism of you. Just see her less if she bothers you this much.

PeopleLikeColdplayYouCantTrustPeopleJez · 13/03/2026 14:57

You sound like you hate her guts and tbh, I’m not sure why. She’s made different choices to you, none of which are particularly out there. You’ve taken everything she’s done as a personal insult towards you. Frankly you need to get over yourself, for your own good. If she really is trying to piss you off best thing to do is not let her. Calm your tits.

mumofoneAloneandwell · 13/03/2026 14:57

You just don't like her

Leave her alone omg - sounds like shes already on the outside of the family anyway

LegoEmergency · 13/03/2026 14:58

From what you’ve said, I think that YABU, especially as it’s the Mother’s Day thing that’s tipped you over the edge.

She doesn’t have to like Mother’s Day and celebrate it and there is no reason for you to see it as a personal slight against you if she doesn’t do Mother’s Day (or breastfeeding, or calling herself “Mummy.”)

I genuinely don’t care at all about Mother’s Day but I’m not trying to be “cool”.

I can also understand why someone wouldn’t want a health visitor calling them “Mummy” it’s weird in my opinion.

I personally wouldn’t want my kids calling me by my first name though.

Maybe she’s sick of you moaning about things and comparing doing things with your baby to “the trenches.”

Basically I think you just don’t like her and so everything she does annoys you. I’m sure it’s not all actually directed at you though, so you should just treat it as “people are different” rather than that she is disparaging you and trying to be cool.

Blades2 · 13/03/2026 14:59

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harriethoyle · 13/03/2026 14:59

It doesn’t sound like she’s doing anything wrong. You however sound hideously judgmental and massively jealous. She’s allowed to have her own experience of motherhood which doesn’t have to be yours!