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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be sick of Cool Girl Mum sister-in-law?

324 replies

ThatPlumViewer · 13/03/2026 14:41

Absolutely at my limit with my sis in law and want to know if anyone else has come across this kind of Mum. The best way to describe it is that she is a pick me/cool girl Mum who always gives the impression she’s too good for motherhood.

The straw that broke the camels back was last weekend. We were all at my Mum’s house and she was given a homemade card from my brother and sister in laws son, my nephew. I said something along the lines of “ah how sweet, did he make one for you too?” to my SIL, and in response she just laughed and said no, that she doesn’t celebrate Mother’s Day so that’s why he made the card for his Granny when they made them at school. I must have looked shocked because she went on to explain that she finds Mother’s Day really naff and cringey, and she doesn’t need a day to be celebrated for doing something ordinary. It was as if she was judging those of us who do make a big deal about it.

I can’t stop thinking about how pathetic she is. This is a long line of behaviour like this from her. She was weird about her pregnancy - she was constantly saying how easy she found it, she never got sickness, she barely even felt pregnant. She chose to have a c-section and kept joking with us all that she was “too posh to push” like she was better than having a normal labour. She didn’t even give birth in her local hospital because her and my brother did loads of research and she decided she had to be in an outstanding rated hospital, and so travelled for that. She didn’t breastfeed and I know she told my Mum she found it gross which felt goady to those of us who did, and was always telling everyone who my brother did everything for her post-partum and she couldn’t understand why so many women struggled to shower with a baby. She never wanted to be called “mummy” and I know she got into a row with a health visitor when they referred to her as such.

Her son sometimes calls her by her first name now and only sometimes Mum, which is so pretentious. Everything she does is like a dig at the way Mum’s usually do things. She always said she never really felt different when she became a mother, didn’t have the usual trenches with her baby and went back to work full time with no problems. She always says her son has slotted into their lives perfectly. It’s like she thinks admitting anything has been hard or a struggle is embarrassing. It’s exactly like all the Cool Girl wives on here who say they don’t care about their husband watching porn or going to strip clubs - I feel like she’s trying to make herself look better than all the rest of us who like Mother’s Day and found newborns difficult. Everyone else I know who became a Mum found a real solidarity in being real and honest with other mums about things, but she wants to appear completely relaxed and too cool to hang out with other Mums. I just think the Mother’s Day thing has tipped me over the edge.

OP posts:
user7538796538 · 13/03/2026 14:59

hothouser · 13/03/2026 14:41

She sounds like she’s lacking in self esteem

Who Sil or OP? 😂

ExOptimist · 13/03/2026 14:59

You sound overly sensitive about her. Has she ever said out loud she's better than other mothers? I doubt it. So what if she thinks she's better than other mothers, it doesn't affect you. She's doing motherhood in a different way from you and that's fine. If you're happy with your life then concentrate on that.

Perhaps she doesn't find it difficult and her baby did slot into her life, plenty of mothers are like that. If she thinks Mothers Day is naff that's fine. If she had an elective caesarian and didn't breastfeed again that's fine, plenty of women make those choices. You may not agree with her ways but there are millions of mothers so not everyone will do things the same way.

KellyJonesLeatherTrousers · 13/03/2026 15:00

Would you say you’re an insecure person? Can’t think why all of this would bother you so much if you are happy with your own motherhood.

gollumsring2 · 13/03/2026 15:02

Stop judging her. She can birth, parent and think how she likes. It doesn’t mean it’s a personal attack on you. You even seem resentful that she had an easy pregnancy! Honestly op this bitterness isn’t good for you, you clearly have different views and parenting styles but you need to learn to live and let live.

WhatAMarvelousTune · 13/03/2026 15:02

She sounds a bit tedious - fair enough to find it easy but no need to be all “why do other people find it hard, I just don’t get it”.

Id be annoyed with a HV calling me “mummy” though. Why call me anything? Just say “how are you” etc. Any “and how’s mummy?” crap from HCPs did really piss me off. I’m not expecting them to remember my name, just talk to me like any other patient would be talked to.

Tillow4ever · 13/03/2026 15:03

This is a you issue. You clearly despise her and are looking for anything to use against her.

Her experience of motherhood doesn’t invalidate yours. So what if she finds it easy - having a supportive partner can make a massive difference, you should be pleased your brother is one of the good ones! it sounds like you are jealous and insecure because she finds it easier than you do. Perhaps reflect on if that is the case.

Maddy70 · 13/03/2026 15:03

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Ghht · 13/03/2026 15:05

@ThatPlumViewer I would find her incredibly irritating to be around. Not because she chooses to do things her way, or because she doesn’t appear to struggle, etc., but because she has an opinion on everyone else who does. Because she’s ‘too cool’ for motherhood and all the rest of us silly mothers, doing silly mother things. It’s like, you do you hon- but I would rather spend my time elsewhere with people less conceited.

We don’t have to like everyone we come into contact with, and I can’t imagine that I would get on well with an adult woman who calls breastfeeding “gross”.

champagnetrial · 13/03/2026 15:06

I do get it though. 'Yes but-ers' are so tedious. Is she one of those? Does she yuk your yum? Maybe just say 'wow, I love that for you' after every pronouncement. You will find yourself endlessly entertaining.

user7538796538 · 13/03/2026 15:07

Meh - I don’t particularly like Mother’s Day, I prefer they’re nice to me all year round.
My kids have called me and DH by our first names since they were little because they've played an outdoor sport from young, they soon learnt bellowing “Tracey” rather than “mum” from across a distance got them quicker assistance.
This seems a bit of an overreaction to your mum, their granny, getting a card. Are you cross you didn’t think of it?! Really can’t see what your bothered about.

sonjadog · 13/03/2026 15:07

She sounds like she could be quite annoying but you sound really judgmental and quite unpleasant from what you have written here. Stop interpreting everything as a personal attack.

harmonihumm · 13/03/2026 15:07

I agree with her about Mother’s Day tbh.

VelvetSabotage · 13/03/2026 15:08

You are the poster that just made a really long post about your work colleagues ignoring you and never returned arent you?

Yawn

Ratsbananas · 13/03/2026 15:08

I personally find Mothers Day naff as well but that's my choice.

Humans are different. That's the whole point. You're not supposed to like everyone

But you can like yourself, and that's what you need to focus on the most

WiddlinDiddlin · 13/03/2026 15:09

Maybe she didn't find having a baby particularly difficult?

Maybe she just isn't the overtly maternal 'Mummy' type.

Maybe she finds identifying oneself as 'Mummy' above and beyond all else utterly cringeworthy and just not her.

Maybe you're reading into things something she is not saying nor implying. This does sound far more about you than her.

OchonAgusOchonOh · 13/03/2026 15:09

You sound threatened by her approach. Really, you should be confident in your own approach that someone doing things differently doesn't affect you.

Mothers' day is a load of commercial nonsense. I'm not bothered about celebrating it but always accepted cards from the kids. My father thinks fathers' day is a load of nonsense and has always been adamant he doesn't want anything.

My pregnancies wereall a doddle. I never got sick or had any issues. Should I have lied?

Searching where to give birth sounds eminently sensible to me.

I breastfed but really don't care how other people feed or what they think although I do agree it's a bit childish to say it's gross.

The absolute bare minimum I would expect from a partner is that he looked after the baby while I had a shower, a break etc.

My dc sometimes call us by our first names. So what? I went back to work full-time. It was the right choice for me. One of my dc was unbelievably easy and just slotted in. Some babies so.

You sound very insecure in your approach to motherhood and extremely judgey as a result. Maybe have a think about why you are so insecure that you take her approach as a criticism of yours. You will be much happier as a result.

Naws · 13/03/2026 15:11

Leave her alone.

She's a different woman with different thoughts and opinions that's all.

The whole 'cool girl' crap is just misogynistic bollocks by women who like to put other women down for being different to them.

You do you as they say.

Clairesp85 · 13/03/2026 15:11

It sounds like your the one with the problem!

champagnetrial · 13/03/2026 15:11

I like Mother's Day (Mothering Sunday) because I go to church and get a lovely posy of flowers. I like a church holiday. Just as I will have a jolly family lunch on Easter Sunday in recognition of ... um the Easter Bunny. (And the eggs and new life obvs).

Everlil · 13/03/2026 15:11

Yes, when someone doesn’t have the same thoughts as you, let’s try and belittle them by calling them a ‘cool girl’.

She’s allowed to feel how she does, why does it bother you so much if you’re so secure in yourself?

Lilactimes · 13/03/2026 15:11

She sounds ok to me! Just getting on with stuff her way....

Imisscoffee2021 · 13/03/2026 15:11

Her way of doing things is only a dig if you let it be by giving it the time of day. It sounds like she grates on you.

AnAlpacaForChristmasPleaseSanta · 13/03/2026 15:11

Why do you care? How is it affecting your life in any way whatsoever?

maysayyea · 13/03/2026 15:11

The biggest thing I like about Mother’s Day is all the threads on here “dh forgot Mother’s Day” I don’t want to see Mil on Mother’s Day”

Burningbud1981 · 13/03/2026 15:12

You sound very judgemental and unpleasant. And I hate the term Cool Girl Wife. I find that really insulting to women who just hold a different opinion to others.