Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be sick of Cool Girl Mum sister-in-law?

324 replies

ThatPlumViewer · 13/03/2026 14:41

Absolutely at my limit with my sis in law and want to know if anyone else has come across this kind of Mum. The best way to describe it is that she is a pick me/cool girl Mum who always gives the impression she’s too good for motherhood.

The straw that broke the camels back was last weekend. We were all at my Mum’s house and she was given a homemade card from my brother and sister in laws son, my nephew. I said something along the lines of “ah how sweet, did he make one for you too?” to my SIL, and in response she just laughed and said no, that she doesn’t celebrate Mother’s Day so that’s why he made the card for his Granny when they made them at school. I must have looked shocked because she went on to explain that she finds Mother’s Day really naff and cringey, and she doesn’t need a day to be celebrated for doing something ordinary. It was as if she was judging those of us who do make a big deal about it.

I can’t stop thinking about how pathetic she is. This is a long line of behaviour like this from her. She was weird about her pregnancy - she was constantly saying how easy she found it, she never got sickness, she barely even felt pregnant. She chose to have a c-section and kept joking with us all that she was “too posh to push” like she was better than having a normal labour. She didn’t even give birth in her local hospital because her and my brother did loads of research and she decided she had to be in an outstanding rated hospital, and so travelled for that. She didn’t breastfeed and I know she told my Mum she found it gross which felt goady to those of us who did, and was always telling everyone who my brother did everything for her post-partum and she couldn’t understand why so many women struggled to shower with a baby. She never wanted to be called “mummy” and I know she got into a row with a health visitor when they referred to her as such.

Her son sometimes calls her by her first name now and only sometimes Mum, which is so pretentious. Everything she does is like a dig at the way Mum’s usually do things. She always said she never really felt different when she became a mother, didn’t have the usual trenches with her baby and went back to work full time with no problems. She always says her son has slotted into their lives perfectly. It’s like she thinks admitting anything has been hard or a struggle is embarrassing. It’s exactly like all the Cool Girl wives on here who say they don’t care about their husband watching porn or going to strip clubs - I feel like she’s trying to make herself look better than all the rest of us who like Mother’s Day and found newborns difficult. Everyone else I know who became a Mum found a real solidarity in being real and honest with other mums about things, but she wants to appear completely relaxed and too cool to hang out with other Mums. I just think the Mother’s Day thing has tipped me over the edge.

OP posts:
AlertPinkHiker · 13/03/2026 15:40

ThatPlumViewer · 13/03/2026 14:41

Absolutely at my limit with my sis in law and want to know if anyone else has come across this kind of Mum. The best way to describe it is that she is a pick me/cool girl Mum who always gives the impression she’s too good for motherhood.

The straw that broke the camels back was last weekend. We were all at my Mum’s house and she was given a homemade card from my brother and sister in laws son, my nephew. I said something along the lines of “ah how sweet, did he make one for you too?” to my SIL, and in response she just laughed and said no, that she doesn’t celebrate Mother’s Day so that’s why he made the card for his Granny when they made them at school. I must have looked shocked because she went on to explain that she finds Mother’s Day really naff and cringey, and she doesn’t need a day to be celebrated for doing something ordinary. It was as if she was judging those of us who do make a big deal about it.

I can’t stop thinking about how pathetic she is. This is a long line of behaviour like this from her. She was weird about her pregnancy - she was constantly saying how easy she found it, she never got sickness, she barely even felt pregnant. She chose to have a c-section and kept joking with us all that she was “too posh to push” like she was better than having a normal labour. She didn’t even give birth in her local hospital because her and my brother did loads of research and she decided she had to be in an outstanding rated hospital, and so travelled for that. She didn’t breastfeed and I know she told my Mum she found it gross which felt goady to those of us who did, and was always telling everyone who my brother did everything for her post-partum and she couldn’t understand why so many women struggled to shower with a baby. She never wanted to be called “mummy” and I know she got into a row with a health visitor when they referred to her as such.

Her son sometimes calls her by her first name now and only sometimes Mum, which is so pretentious. Everything she does is like a dig at the way Mum’s usually do things. She always said she never really felt different when she became a mother, didn’t have the usual trenches with her baby and went back to work full time with no problems. She always says her son has slotted into their lives perfectly. It’s like she thinks admitting anything has been hard or a struggle is embarrassing. It’s exactly like all the Cool Girl wives on here who say they don’t care about their husband watching porn or going to strip clubs - I feel like she’s trying to make herself look better than all the rest of us who like Mother’s Day and found newborns difficult. Everyone else I know who became a Mum found a real solidarity in being real and honest with other mums about things, but she wants to appear completely relaxed and too cool to hang out with other Mums. I just think the Mother’s Day thing has tipped me over the edge.

You sound like you get annoyed easily don't be so judgy she's allowed to find things easier than anybody else. Why are you getting so wound up about it?

fancytoes · 13/03/2026 15:40

And just incase - second baby was NOT easy!

Grapewrath · 13/03/2026 15:41

You are the problem here.
Let your SIL live how she wants to. I do some unconventional parenting things but it’s weird that others would think it’s a ‘cool girl’ thing or find it a trigger. Who’s that invested in someone else’s life?
Get on with your shit and leave her alone

SemiSober · 13/03/2026 15:41

I also couldn’t give a shit about Mother’s Day

likelysuspect · 13/03/2026 15:42

fancytoes · 13/03/2026 15:38

She sounds like she has no social ability to read the room with what she says and to whom (even though she’s perfectly within her rights to parent/live like that.)

For example: I had a ‘easy’ baby, at the NCT meet-ups, I would lie and sympathise with the others and exaggerate how grim it was - because I’m a human and understand that me going on about how easy I found it was not helpful to other people.

Good for her, I guess 🤷🏼‍♀️

She sounds a bit insufferable but you need to work on rolling your eyes and be confident in your choices!

She wasnt at a NCT meeting though was she, she's just talking to family

Presumably OPs brother is there too, doesnt seem to hate him as much as she does his wife. Whys that

Doteycat · 13/03/2026 15:42

Its a shame you are so jealous of your brothers wife.
Does it affect your relationship with him much?

nodramamama · 13/03/2026 15:43

She sounds super annoying, I agree OP.
Don't let her get in your head. If that's how she likes to parent, that is her choice.

Skyflier · 13/03/2026 15:43

She’s as entitled to her view of motherhood as you are. If you love Mothers Day, then great go all out and celebrate it. You don’t need her approval. She does sound a bit joyless but I don’t get why she bothers you so much?
I get sometimes these cool super mums can make ys mere mortals feel a bit insecure but you are giving her too much head room.
Happy Mother’s Day for Sunday x

BestZebbie · 13/03/2026 15:45

ThatPlumViewer · 13/03/2026 14:41

Absolutely at my limit with my sis in law and want to know if anyone else has come across this kind of Mum. The best way to describe it is that she is a pick me/cool girl Mum who always gives the impression she’s too good for motherhood.

The straw that broke the camels back was last weekend. We were all at my Mum’s house and she was given a homemade card from my brother and sister in laws son, my nephew. I said something along the lines of “ah how sweet, did he make one for you too?” to my SIL, and in response she just laughed and said no, that she doesn’t celebrate Mother’s Day so that’s why he made the card for his Granny when they made them at school. I must have looked shocked because she went on to explain that she finds Mother’s Day really naff and cringey, and she doesn’t need a day to be celebrated for doing something ordinary. It was as if she was judging those of us who do make a big deal about it.

I can’t stop thinking about how pathetic she is. This is a long line of behaviour like this from her. She was weird about her pregnancy - she was constantly saying how easy she found it, she never got sickness, she barely even felt pregnant. She chose to have a c-section and kept joking with us all that she was “too posh to push” like she was better than having a normal labour. She didn’t even give birth in her local hospital because her and my brother did loads of research and she decided she had to be in an outstanding rated hospital, and so travelled for that. She didn’t breastfeed and I know she told my Mum she found it gross which felt goady to those of us who did, and was always telling everyone who my brother did everything for her post-partum and she couldn’t understand why so many women struggled to shower with a baby. She never wanted to be called “mummy” and I know she got into a row with a health visitor when they referred to her as such.

Her son sometimes calls her by her first name now and only sometimes Mum, which is so pretentious. Everything she does is like a dig at the way Mum’s usually do things. She always said she never really felt different when she became a mother, didn’t have the usual trenches with her baby and went back to work full time with no problems. She always says her son has slotted into their lives perfectly. It’s like she thinks admitting anything has been hard or a struggle is embarrassing. It’s exactly like all the Cool Girl wives on here who say they don’t care about their husband watching porn or going to strip clubs - I feel like she’s trying to make herself look better than all the rest of us who like Mother’s Day and found newborns difficult. Everyone else I know who became a Mum found a real solidarity in being real and honest with other mums about things, but she wants to appear completely relaxed and too cool to hang out with other Mums. I just think the Mother’s Day thing has tipped me over the edge.

This doesn't sound as if she is attacking you and other Mums, it sounds like she is super insecure about no longer being seen as "young and sexy" now she has had a child and so is desperately trying to pretend she hasn't changed or been at all affected by motherhood to convince someone (her partner? herself?).
It is quite sad as she won't be able to let herself actually enjoy the positives of motherhood (but the kids will still be just as much work to raise).

Fingernailbiter · 13/03/2026 15:45

She sounds irritating but you sound crazy to take it all as an attack on you and let it bother you so much. I'd just laugh and say "Lucky you!" or "Well, we’re all different!"

Oakmilkwanker · 13/03/2026 15:45

My kids don't call me mum, does that make me a wannabe cool mum?
Self esteem issues on both sides here.

RawBloomers · 13/03/2026 15:47

You sound incredibly insecure about your role as a mother. Why on earth do you think her not doing the things you do and saying why they don't work for her is goady/a dig/etc.? The comment about breast feeding wasn't even to you but you still take it as personal criticism!

I don't agree with all her views and wouldn't do several of the things she did, but I don't see them as an attack on my choices. She's just trying to make motherhood work for her.

You need to build some confidence in your own choices and life, then maybe you'll be able to live and let live a bit better without feeling bitter and affronted by differences.

WheretheFishesareFrightening · 13/03/2026 15:47

A health visitor calling you mummy is a bit weird and patronising. Finding breastfeeding disgusting doesn’t mean she thinks you’re disgusting (and actually says more about how she’s been influenced by society than anything else).

Is she posting on MN about how you’re all crunchy mum just to spite her with your breastfeeding and natural birth and she doesn’t understand why you’re personally attacking her with your parenting choices by having your kids call you Mum when she doesn’t get that? Because you choices are just as much of an attack on her as hers are on you. And if you make your parenting choices without any thought to how she’ll perceive them, I’d suggest you give her the same grace.

It’s okay for her to not want to be Mum first and foremost. It’s okay for her to choose how she parents. Your way isn’t better. Her way isn’t better. They’re different, and I imagine you’ve both chosen the way that suits you best.

BlackMilk · 13/03/2026 15:49

How is she with her kids generally though? Loving, affectionate? Cold, distant?
Is she a good parent?

C152 · 13/03/2026 15:50

Wow...you don't beat around the bush, do you?! What you've written doesn't actually sound that dreadful, nor does it sound like she's a try-hard "cool girl".
It sounds like she just does things differently to you and you don't like her.

What's wrong with choosing a planned c-section, bottle feeding or choosing the be in the best hospital, able to offer the best care? Who wouldn't want quality healthcare? She's made the choices that are right for her. Just because they're different from your choices, doesn't mean she's judging you or looking down on you.

I absolutely loathe lazy twats who refer to me as "mum" because they can't be arsed learning my name. (I don't know many people who would prefer their child not to call them mum, but it's not that much of an outlier idea - it's been done before and will be done by others in the future. What impact does the name her child chooses to call her have on you?)

Maybe she did actually find pregnancy and parenting relatively simple. Some people do. You sound a bit resentful and jealous.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 13/03/2026 15:50

I can’t see why this bothers you OP - she’s just a different personality to you/ does things differently.

It’s fine for her to feel differently to you/ experience things differently.

If you find it irritating, perhaps you can’t help that, but just ignore anything you don’t like. It doesn’t really make a difference to your life what she thinks or feels!

windywhale · 13/03/2026 15:50

she sounds annoying but defo not “cool girl”

Tulipsriver · 13/03/2026 15:50

She sounds a bit annoying and insecure but your defensiveness makes me think you are pretty insecure too.

I like Mother's Day, being called Mummy, have chosen to stay at home until my children start school. I'm about as opposite from your SIL as it's possible to be. But I have friends who think like your SIL and it just... doesn't bother me. I'm happy with my choices and I hope they are happy with theirs too.

We're all allowed to experience motherhood in our own way.

Next time just have a private eye roll and say 'it's great that we all get to do it our own way'.

80smonster · 13/03/2026 15:51

I quite the like the sound of her tbh. Everyone has to find their tribe. Obviously she isn’t the kind of mum you want to be friends with, that’s not problematic I don’t think. Unless she is insisting you hang out all the time. What is clear is you don’t see things the same way, I’d query why you feel that she may not express her feelings? Is it because you don’t express yours? Suppressing an opinion and feeling angry about someone expressing theirs usually means you were forbidden to do so as child yourself.

millit · 13/03/2026 15:51

likelysuspect · 13/03/2026 15:38

Well you give a toss enough to write an anecdote on here about her and also have an opinion that she might be missing out....

Absolutely I have an opinion but I never made it known! To me it’s rude if someone celebrates something to laugh and call it cringey and naff so I’m saying rise above it and let her get on with it! I’m merely relating my experience with someone of a similar attitude. Personally I don’t think it’s cool to always joke about how disinterested you are but each to their own!

HoneyPie12 · 13/03/2026 15:52

She does sound cool to me 😄 🤣

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 13/03/2026 15:53

I don’t really care about Mother’s Day now my kids are teens tbh.

I only really cared about it when they were very little and it was such an all consuming part of my life.

I do make a fuss of my own Mum to the extend of buying a present and card, and usually we might do something all together if we can organise it, but I’m very “meh” about it being recognised generally. Except at work, weirdly! Then I want lots of praise 😂

That’s probably a me issue though!

TheRealLillyAllenVerifiedAccount · 13/03/2026 15:53

ThatPlumViewer · 13/03/2026 14:41

Absolutely at my limit with my sis in law and want to know if anyone else has come across this kind of Mum. The best way to describe it is that she is a pick me/cool girl Mum who always gives the impression she’s too good for motherhood.

The straw that broke the camels back was last weekend. We were all at my Mum’s house and she was given a homemade card from my brother and sister in laws son, my nephew. I said something along the lines of “ah how sweet, did he make one for you too?” to my SIL, and in response she just laughed and said no, that she doesn’t celebrate Mother’s Day so that’s why he made the card for his Granny when they made them at school. I must have looked shocked because she went on to explain that she finds Mother’s Day really naff and cringey, and she doesn’t need a day to be celebrated for doing something ordinary. It was as if she was judging those of us who do make a big deal about it.

I can’t stop thinking about how pathetic she is. This is a long line of behaviour like this from her. She was weird about her pregnancy - she was constantly saying how easy she found it, she never got sickness, she barely even felt pregnant. She chose to have a c-section and kept joking with us all that she was “too posh to push” like she was better than having a normal labour. She didn’t even give birth in her local hospital because her and my brother did loads of research and she decided she had to be in an outstanding rated hospital, and so travelled for that. She didn’t breastfeed and I know she told my Mum she found it gross which felt goady to those of us who did, and was always telling everyone who my brother did everything for her post-partum and she couldn’t understand why so many women struggled to shower with a baby. She never wanted to be called “mummy” and I know she got into a row with a health visitor when they referred to her as such.

Her son sometimes calls her by her first name now and only sometimes Mum, which is so pretentious. Everything she does is like a dig at the way Mum’s usually do things. She always said she never really felt different when she became a mother, didn’t have the usual trenches with her baby and went back to work full time with no problems. She always says her son has slotted into their lives perfectly. It’s like she thinks admitting anything has been hard or a struggle is embarrassing. It’s exactly like all the Cool Girl wives on here who say they don’t care about their husband watching porn or going to strip clubs - I feel like she’s trying to make herself look better than all the rest of us who like Mother’s Day and found newborns difficult. Everyone else I know who became a Mum found a real solidarity in being real and honest with other mums about things, but she wants to appear completely relaxed and too cool to hang out with other Mums. I just think the Mother’s Day thing has tipped me over the edge.

Wow. You have a real problem with her don't you?

She got to give birth how and where she wanted. Why arent you celebrating that with her? Isn't that what we should be championing for all women?

Similarly if she had support in the early days, then good for her. We should be setting that as standard and asking "why dont we all get that?" instead of criticising her for it.

I think mother's day is stupid too. It doesnt mean I care if anyone else celebrates it.

I LOVED being pregnant. I'm not going to pretend I didnt in case it offends others.

Breastfeeding/bottle feeding. People just need to chill over it! If she'd breastfed and you'd bottle fed, I bet you'd be still be feeling attacked.

I can see how depending on your experience she might be coming across as insensitive but I doubt she is giving you any thought saying this stuff.

RunningOnEmptyish · 13/03/2026 15:53

outerspacepotato · 13/03/2026 14:50

There's all kinds of different ways to do motherhood. Lose the Judgey pants, they make you look like a big ass.

🤣😂

EnterQueene · 13/03/2026 15:54

champagnetrial · 13/03/2026 14:50

She sounds like she's waaaay overthinking things. I think you should be glad you are not in her head because it sounds very noisy in there. Calm thoughts.

I think the OP is the one overthinking things. The SIL is just doing her life in the way that suits her - and inadvertently enraging the OP, who seems to have her living rent free in her head.

OP - just because people do things differently to you does not mean they are attacking and judging you, in the way that you obviously like to judge anyone doing motherhood 'wrong'. There is space for lots of different ways to be a mum, let her plough her furrow and you plough yours. You act like her whole life is just to get at you. How about accepting that is just how she is, and letting go of the anger and judgement.