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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be sick of Cool Girl Mum sister-in-law?

324 replies

ThatPlumViewer · 13/03/2026 14:41

Absolutely at my limit with my sis in law and want to know if anyone else has come across this kind of Mum. The best way to describe it is that she is a pick me/cool girl Mum who always gives the impression she’s too good for motherhood.

The straw that broke the camels back was last weekend. We were all at my Mum’s house and she was given a homemade card from my brother and sister in laws son, my nephew. I said something along the lines of “ah how sweet, did he make one for you too?” to my SIL, and in response she just laughed and said no, that she doesn’t celebrate Mother’s Day so that’s why he made the card for his Granny when they made them at school. I must have looked shocked because she went on to explain that she finds Mother’s Day really naff and cringey, and she doesn’t need a day to be celebrated for doing something ordinary. It was as if she was judging those of us who do make a big deal about it.

I can’t stop thinking about how pathetic she is. This is a long line of behaviour like this from her. She was weird about her pregnancy - she was constantly saying how easy she found it, she never got sickness, she barely even felt pregnant. She chose to have a c-section and kept joking with us all that she was “too posh to push” like she was better than having a normal labour. She didn’t even give birth in her local hospital because her and my brother did loads of research and she decided she had to be in an outstanding rated hospital, and so travelled for that. She didn’t breastfeed and I know she told my Mum she found it gross which felt goady to those of us who did, and was always telling everyone who my brother did everything for her post-partum and she couldn’t understand why so many women struggled to shower with a baby. She never wanted to be called “mummy” and I know she got into a row with a health visitor when they referred to her as such.

Her son sometimes calls her by her first name now and only sometimes Mum, which is so pretentious. Everything she does is like a dig at the way Mum’s usually do things. She always said she never really felt different when she became a mother, didn’t have the usual trenches with her baby and went back to work full time with no problems. She always says her son has slotted into their lives perfectly. It’s like she thinks admitting anything has been hard or a struggle is embarrassing. It’s exactly like all the Cool Girl wives on here who say they don’t care about their husband watching porn or going to strip clubs - I feel like she’s trying to make herself look better than all the rest of us who like Mother’s Day and found newborns difficult. Everyone else I know who became a Mum found a real solidarity in being real and honest with other mums about things, but she wants to appear completely relaxed and too cool to hang out with other Mums. I just think the Mother’s Day thing has tipped me over the edge.

OP posts:
Paaseitjes · 13/03/2026 15:29

She sounds sorted and you sound awful. No wonder she brushes stuff off and doesn't make a big deal about things around you when you're so judgy

Dweetfidilove · 13/03/2026 15:29

I'm hoping she's doing it to wind you up, as it's embarrassing how judgemental and sensitive you sound 😅😅

mrlistersgelfbride · 13/03/2026 15:30

Hi OP, I’m going to be honest and say I have done shades of what your SIL has done- not to the same extent - I had a natural birth and breastfed and found it hard- but i don’t make a big deal about Mother’s Day and I had an easy pregnancy and I was in a rush to get back to work and to my hobbies after DD was born .

There’s a few reasons: 1, I know I’m not a natural mother, 2 ; I need time and space alone and 3; I’m quite shy and found it tough to relate to other mums when DD was young.

Could your SIL be anything like this?

Horses7 · 13/03/2026 15:30

Sorry OP it’s your problem not hers. She’s in for the long haul (probably) so get used to her ways and rise above it.

MaryBeardsShoes · 13/03/2026 15:30

One of you is coming across as “pathetic” and its not your SIL.

Happyjoe · 13/03/2026 15:31

I think she's right out of an episode of Amandaland. Blooming tiresome! But, everyone is entitled to do things their own way, as long as don't drone on about it.

Instructions · 13/03/2026 15:32

She sounds happy

You really do not

Strawberrycream123 · 13/03/2026 15:32

Honestly she sounds like my kind of mum 😂 judge me as you please

WhimsicalObsidian · 13/03/2026 15:32

Do you think that maybe she's taking the Mick out of herself to get ahead of other people being sanctimummys? I've had a C section and wasn't able to breastfeed, and have had so many people make comments to me about being too posh to push (it was an emergency, not that it matters - I think women have the right to choose what they want) that If I'm talking to some crunchy granola mum I might say it myself, to take the wind out of their sails and shut down their line of attack.

Likewise, after a while it gets tiring hearing about how they had trouble breastfeding and if I'd only tried harder, like them, I could have done it. I've never said breastfeeding was gross, but if I needed to I'd be inclined to say something just to shut down the "bash the formula user" crap that's unhelpful and that I've heard a million times before.

likelysuspect · 13/03/2026 15:33

InconvenientlyMaterial · 13/03/2026 15:19

Armchair psychologist here says she's got some buried trauma going on.

She is unwilling or unable to connect with certain emotions and bodily feelings. Probably for a very good reason. A defence.

None of it needs to be taken personally by you! Cut her some slack!

Also, nobody gets two kids in a row who "just slot in" so be prepared for everything to change if she has another.

Wow, you are really something!

So she does motherhood 'wrong' and must have some traumatic reason for it!!!

Lol, no recognition whatsoever that she just does it her way, in your view she's in need of her actions and thoughts being pathologised!!

How funny

As other posters have said, OP is the one in need of help with this, a mixture of insecurity leading to main character syndrome.

nopalite · 13/03/2026 15:33

You sound threatened by her every choice OP.
Maybe she is really annoying but the idea that everything she does/says is a direct judgment of people who do things differently seems really paranoid.

binnibonnieboo · 13/03/2026 15:34

Some people just do find it all very easy. Not me as it happens, but some women get lucky, have easy children, a relaxed personality, it just all works out.

watchingthishtread · 13/03/2026 15:35

At least some of this is a you problem.
"I can’t stop thinking about how pathetic she is" - that's not normal.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 13/03/2026 15:35

Some people take things in their stride and have an upbeat although annoying attitude.
She comes across as independent and genuinely together to me. Am I jealous? A little. Different strokes for different folks.

millit · 13/03/2026 15:35

I would just nod and smile. Let her get on with it. As long as you’re happy in your own choices, who cares what she thinks? Personally I think it’s really sad that she doesn’t see the value in celebrating Mother’s Day and in the small things like hand written cards but let her get on with it. In my opinion she’s the one missing out but perhaps to her she’s not. I had a ‘friend’ like this and she would always brag about not being bothered about motherhood as though we would all be impressed by her nonchalance. I think she still likes to think that we’re all envious of her but I couldn’t give a toss.

FloofBunny · 13/03/2026 15:37

She sounds massively annoying. "Baby? What baby? Issues with feeding, going back to work, moi? Je ne comprenez-vous."

Yeah, I'd be annoyed as well!!!

Frequency · 13/03/2026 15:37

If you have a partner and you struggled to shower with a newborn, it is a problem with your partner you have, not your SIL.

likelysuspect · 13/03/2026 15:38

millit · 13/03/2026 15:35

I would just nod and smile. Let her get on with it. As long as you’re happy in your own choices, who cares what she thinks? Personally I think it’s really sad that she doesn’t see the value in celebrating Mother’s Day and in the small things like hand written cards but let her get on with it. In my opinion she’s the one missing out but perhaps to her she’s not. I had a ‘friend’ like this and she would always brag about not being bothered about motherhood as though we would all be impressed by her nonchalance. I think she still likes to think that we’re all envious of her but I couldn’t give a toss.

Well you give a toss enough to write an anecdote on here about her and also have an opinion that she might be missing out....

fancytoes · 13/03/2026 15:38

She sounds like she has no social ability to read the room with what she says and to whom (even though she’s perfectly within her rights to parent/live like that.)

For example: I had a ‘easy’ baby, at the NCT meet-ups, I would lie and sympathise with the others and exaggerate how grim it was - because I’m a human and understand that me going on about how easy I found it was not helpful to other people.

Good for her, I guess 🤷🏼‍♀️

She sounds a bit insufferable but you need to work on rolling your eyes and be confident in your choices!

CheesyToes · 13/03/2026 15:38

ThatPlumViewer · 13/03/2026 14:41

Absolutely at my limit with my sis in law and want to know if anyone else has come across this kind of Mum. The best way to describe it is that she is a pick me/cool girl Mum who always gives the impression she’s too good for motherhood.

The straw that broke the camels back was last weekend. We were all at my Mum’s house and she was given a homemade card from my brother and sister in laws son, my nephew. I said something along the lines of “ah how sweet, did he make one for you too?” to my SIL, and in response she just laughed and said no, that she doesn’t celebrate Mother’s Day so that’s why he made the card for his Granny when they made them at school. I must have looked shocked because she went on to explain that she finds Mother’s Day really naff and cringey, and she doesn’t need a day to be celebrated for doing something ordinary. It was as if she was judging those of us who do make a big deal about it.

I can’t stop thinking about how pathetic she is. This is a long line of behaviour like this from her. She was weird about her pregnancy - she was constantly saying how easy she found it, she never got sickness, she barely even felt pregnant. She chose to have a c-section and kept joking with us all that she was “too posh to push” like she was better than having a normal labour. She didn’t even give birth in her local hospital because her and my brother did loads of research and she decided she had to be in an outstanding rated hospital, and so travelled for that. She didn’t breastfeed and I know she told my Mum she found it gross which felt goady to those of us who did, and was always telling everyone who my brother did everything for her post-partum and she couldn’t understand why so many women struggled to shower with a baby. She never wanted to be called “mummy” and I know she got into a row with a health visitor when they referred to her as such.

Her son sometimes calls her by her first name now and only sometimes Mum, which is so pretentious. Everything she does is like a dig at the way Mum’s usually do things. She always said she never really felt different when she became a mother, didn’t have the usual trenches with her baby and went back to work full time with no problems. She always says her son has slotted into their lives perfectly. It’s like she thinks admitting anything has been hard or a struggle is embarrassing. It’s exactly like all the Cool Girl wives on here who say they don’t care about their husband watching porn or going to strip clubs - I feel like she’s trying to make herself look better than all the rest of us who like Mother’s Day and found newborns difficult. Everyone else I know who became a Mum found a real solidarity in being real and honest with other mums about things, but she wants to appear completely relaxed and too cool to hang out with other Mums. I just think the Mother’s Day thing has tipped me over the edge.

"she was constantly saying how easy she found it, she never got sickness, she barely even felt pregnant"

Damn this is me right now lol... oh and I am being picky about the hospital because my nearest one was rated inadequate - isn't this normal?

UltraHorse · 13/03/2026 15:38

Your Sister in law sounds very annoying and as though she wants to seem more clever than everyone else Just express your different views and the fact not everyone is the same to her If she makes you want to scream avoid her !

Janey90 · 13/03/2026 15:39

I didn't think you could a cool girl AND a pick me girl, both at the same time? Surely a pick me girl isn't particularly cool?

MrsJeanLuc · 13/03/2026 15:39

OMG @ThatPlumViewer , is that chip on your shoulder heavy?!?

I also find Mother's Day a bit "naff" - if I get a card from my daughter I am pleased, if I don't get one I am not upset at all. I do send one to my mother (and encourage my daughter to as well), of course I do.

I had an elective C-section, in my case because the baby was in extended breach position. I don't think you can just get a C-section on a whim - I imagine your sil had some sort of problem (or the baby did) which she doesn't particularly want to talk about so she makes a little joke.

Some women do find breastfeeding "gross" and don't want to do it. Why on earth would you find that "goady"? Did you not enjoy breastfeeding? Do you somehow feel you did something difficult or unpleasant and therefore resent her for exercising her right to choose not to?

I know there's a strongly held view on Mumsnet that having a baby is hard, hard, hard, and my heart goes out to any woman struggling with a new born and a screaming toddler. But, having ONE baby isn't hard at all - unless there's a medical or behavioural problem of course - I found it an absolute joy and the months I had with my newborn was one of the nicest (and most relaxing) times of my life.

Reading your post you come aross as one of those women who thinks there's a "right way" to do everything and resents anyone who does things differently (especially if they come across as happy with their life choices). I cannot understand why you interpret her actions and choices as some sort of criticism of your actions & choices - this is a YOU problem and something you need to work on.

keepingitcoolagain · 13/03/2026 15:39

She sounds not all that attached to her kid. Are they close?

SemiSober · 13/03/2026 15:40

ThatPlumViewer · 13/03/2026 14:41

Absolutely at my limit with my sis in law and want to know if anyone else has come across this kind of Mum. The best way to describe it is that she is a pick me/cool girl Mum who always gives the impression she’s too good for motherhood.

The straw that broke the camels back was last weekend. We were all at my Mum’s house and she was given a homemade card from my brother and sister in laws son, my nephew. I said something along the lines of “ah how sweet, did he make one for you too?” to my SIL, and in response she just laughed and said no, that she doesn’t celebrate Mother’s Day so that’s why he made the card for his Granny when they made them at school. I must have looked shocked because she went on to explain that she finds Mother’s Day really naff and cringey, and she doesn’t need a day to be celebrated for doing something ordinary. It was as if she was judging those of us who do make a big deal about it.

I can’t stop thinking about how pathetic she is. This is a long line of behaviour like this from her. She was weird about her pregnancy - she was constantly saying how easy she found it, she never got sickness, she barely even felt pregnant. She chose to have a c-section and kept joking with us all that she was “too posh to push” like she was better than having a normal labour. She didn’t even give birth in her local hospital because her and my brother did loads of research and she decided she had to be in an outstanding rated hospital, and so travelled for that. She didn’t breastfeed and I know she told my Mum she found it gross which felt goady to those of us who did, and was always telling everyone who my brother did everything for her post-partum and she couldn’t understand why so many women struggled to shower with a baby. She never wanted to be called “mummy” and I know she got into a row with a health visitor when they referred to her as such.

Her son sometimes calls her by her first name now and only sometimes Mum, which is so pretentious. Everything she does is like a dig at the way Mum’s usually do things. She always said she never really felt different when she became a mother, didn’t have the usual trenches with her baby and went back to work full time with no problems. She always says her son has slotted into their lives perfectly. It’s like she thinks admitting anything has been hard or a struggle is embarrassing. It’s exactly like all the Cool Girl wives on here who say they don’t care about their husband watching porn or going to strip clubs - I feel like she’s trying to make herself look better than all the rest of us who like Mother’s Day and found newborns difficult. Everyone else I know who became a Mum found a real solidarity in being real and honest with other mums about things, but she wants to appear completely relaxed and too cool to hang out with other Mums. I just think the Mother’s Day thing has tipped me over the edge.

Sounds like somebody I’d be friends with - unapologetic lol