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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be sick of Cool Girl Mum sister-in-law?

324 replies

ThatPlumViewer · 13/03/2026 14:41

Absolutely at my limit with my sis in law and want to know if anyone else has come across this kind of Mum. The best way to describe it is that she is a pick me/cool girl Mum who always gives the impression she’s too good for motherhood.

The straw that broke the camels back was last weekend. We were all at my Mum’s house and she was given a homemade card from my brother and sister in laws son, my nephew. I said something along the lines of “ah how sweet, did he make one for you too?” to my SIL, and in response she just laughed and said no, that she doesn’t celebrate Mother’s Day so that’s why he made the card for his Granny when they made them at school. I must have looked shocked because she went on to explain that she finds Mother’s Day really naff and cringey, and she doesn’t need a day to be celebrated for doing something ordinary. It was as if she was judging those of us who do make a big deal about it.

I can’t stop thinking about how pathetic she is. This is a long line of behaviour like this from her. She was weird about her pregnancy - she was constantly saying how easy she found it, she never got sickness, she barely even felt pregnant. She chose to have a c-section and kept joking with us all that she was “too posh to push” like she was better than having a normal labour. She didn’t even give birth in her local hospital because her and my brother did loads of research and she decided she had to be in an outstanding rated hospital, and so travelled for that. She didn’t breastfeed and I know she told my Mum she found it gross which felt goady to those of us who did, and was always telling everyone who my brother did everything for her post-partum and she couldn’t understand why so many women struggled to shower with a baby. She never wanted to be called “mummy” and I know she got into a row with a health visitor when they referred to her as such.

Her son sometimes calls her by her first name now and only sometimes Mum, which is so pretentious. Everything she does is like a dig at the way Mum’s usually do things. She always said she never really felt different when she became a mother, didn’t have the usual trenches with her baby and went back to work full time with no problems. She always says her son has slotted into their lives perfectly. It’s like she thinks admitting anything has been hard or a struggle is embarrassing. It’s exactly like all the Cool Girl wives on here who say they don’t care about their husband watching porn or going to strip clubs - I feel like she’s trying to make herself look better than all the rest of us who like Mother’s Day and found newborns difficult. Everyone else I know who became a Mum found a real solidarity in being real and honest with other mums about things, but she wants to appear completely relaxed and too cool to hang out with other Mums. I just think the Mother’s Day thing has tipped me over the edge.

OP posts:
HeadDeskHeadDesk · 13/03/2026 15:12

hothouser · 13/03/2026 14:41

She sounds like she’s lacking in self esteem

Really? I think she sounds like she has rather an excess of it.

DeftGoldHedgehog · 13/03/2026 15:12

Just say "Yes, dear," or perfect saying "OK" in the deadpan manner of Jimmy Perez when someone says something stupid or implausible.

ReadingCrimeFiction · 13/03/2026 15:14

She sounds a bit previous and irritating, sure and definitely like one of those women who thinks her way is the only way.

But you also sound a bit judgemental and a lot insecure.

Not a great combo so I see why you don't get on particularly well.

Thundertoast · 13/03/2026 15:14

Is this a reverse?

Just in case it isnt..

  • you felt like she was judging you for celebrating mothers day, when presumably she was just explaining why she didnt celebrate it - thats like you assuming a child free person has judged you for having kids because they've explained why they dont have any and listed all the reasons why and all those reasons are to do with the negatives of parenting.
  • she's allowed to have an easy pregnancy and tell people that, you just sound jealous here tbh
  • her saying she is "too posh to push" was a joke and she clearly had her reasons for not wanting a natural birth... literally dont understand why you would think she was implying she was too good to give birth naturally? She might have been terrified to go through childbirth or have medical stuff and was trying to keep it lighthearted.
  • she's allowed to find breastfeeding gross, a lot of people do - again, its not about you or your choices, its a visceral reaction she's having to a bodily function, its her thing not yours.
  • your brother is a supportive partner, great - also there's plenty of people who dont understand why women say they dont have time to shower, given you could stick baby in a cot on the bathroom floor. Im not saying its that easy, but surely you can see that she's saying it is physically possible. Bit insensitive of her here sure, but nothing unusual.
  • she's found motherhood easy, and her son has slotted into her life, thats BRILLIANT. Its okay to be jealous if that wasnt the case for you but it doesnt make her a bad person for feeling that way or admitting it.
  • her child not calling her mum: this might shock you but there's no rule about this. Its not going to damage a child growing in an otherwise loving household. Plenty of kids grow up like this. Its not the big deal you think it is, its just not what you are used to.
MyDeftDuck · 13/03/2026 15:14

I bet she pisses glitter too 🤣🤣

Pallisers · 13/03/2026 15:15

What on earth does any of this have to do with you? Nothing you described has any effect on your whatsoever. You are judging her hard - not the other way around.

Franpie · 13/03/2026 15:17

Perhaps she has issues with her own mum and so doesn’t like to acknowledge Mother’s Day? But why do you care whether she celebrates it or not? It was nice of her to get her child to acknowledge it for your mum even though she’d happily give the day a miss.

And maybe she has just found motherhood easy? I know I certainly did with my first. It was a breeze and I remember wondering why people made such a fuss. I had a very easy baby that slept through the night from 6 weeks old. She never cried for no reason and was easy to keep happy. I was back in my size 8 pre pregnancy clothes within a week. Mat leave was bliss compared to my stressful job. I was in 7th heaven.

21ZIGGY · 13/03/2026 15:17

inmyfashion · 13/03/2026 14:47

I think OP sounds like she’s lacking in self esteem! 😬

You saved me the bother of writing that

bellhawk · 13/03/2026 15:17

It sounds like you are jealous of her, rather than she is making specific criticisms of you?

arethereanyleftatall · 13/03/2026 15:18

I’m not really sure what she’s done wrong from your examples.

Katiesaidthat · 13/03/2026 15:18

Who cares what she thinks? I aggree on some things but not others. If you think her stating her choices (respectfully) invalidates yours, then you are the insecure one.

diddl · 13/03/2026 15:19

Wow you hate her!

Why do you let her affect you so much?

SouthLondonMum22 · 13/03/2026 15:19

Her doing things differently to you isn't a 'dig'. I'm not sure why you are taking her parenting choices so personally.

YABU.

InconvenientlyMaterial · 13/03/2026 15:19

Armchair psychologist here says she's got some buried trauma going on.

She is unwilling or unable to connect with certain emotions and bodily feelings. Probably for a very good reason. A defence.

None of it needs to be taken personally by you! Cut her some slack!

Also, nobody gets two kids in a row who "just slot in" so be prepared for everything to change if she has another.

Crushed23 · 13/03/2026 15:20

Drivingmissrangey · 13/03/2026 14:46

I’d say you’re the one with the bigger issues OP. You sound incredibly judgmental.

Yeah this.

Not all mothers have an identical experience of motherhood.

For what it’s worth, I’m not yet pregnant but I already know that I want an elective c-section, I’m not going to breastfeed and I will be returning to work full time (as I’m the breadwinner). Am I a pathetic ‘pick me’?

ChamonixMountainBum · 13/03/2026 15:21

Christ, she really is living rent free in your head. Its not healthy!

Tigerbalmshark · 13/03/2026 15:21

How she chooses to parent is no reflection on you.

I was the exact opposite (baby wearing cosleeping breastfeeding cloth nappy user) and I had friends who bottlefed, sleep trained and put their baby in a separate room from birth who took great offence at all of the above. I couldn’t have cared less what they were up to.

likelysuspect · 13/03/2026 15:23

Drivingmissrangey · 13/03/2026 14:46

I’d say you’re the one with the bigger issues OP. You sound incredibly judgmental.

This

OP I was wincing through that for you

Sort yourself out honestly

You're just taking everying as an attack and yet she is simply talking about herself (she may be slightly self absorbed but its not a criminal offence), not other people

You've chosen to take it like that

Naws · 13/03/2026 15:23

ChamonixMountainBum · 13/03/2026 15:21

Christ, she really is living rent free in your head. Its not healthy!

Even if she was paying rent, the OP would find fault with her payment method.

parakeet · 13/03/2026 15:25

I can't see anything she's done wrong. All these differences seem to emerge when she is asked about her choices. If you don't like her opinions then stop asking her about them.

JassyRadlett · 13/03/2026 15:25

Almost nothing another person does is about you.

You never, ever get to know everything that's going on with someone else. So assuming that you can discern the motivations for all their actions is a fool's errand, and thinking that what she does is a commentary on you and your choices is an interesting combination of insecure and egocentric.

BagelandEggs · 13/03/2026 15:26

She sounds really annoying and as if she thinks she is better than 'just' a mother, which is fair enough, if she thinks that being a mother is simple, brainless, undemanding, naff, etc. She's missing out on a lot if she thinks the 'little kids making you cards and needing you' stage is going to last forever. We're all different, but I loved those days and miss them! Let her get on with her showing off - life has a way of teaching you lessons, after all!

traceybeakersbeaker · 13/03/2026 15:27

You sound incredibly insecure and jealous. Honestly, this is about you, not her.

Givemeausernamepls · 13/03/2026 15:29

you just sound like very different people. You talk a lot about how she makes you feel. Why do you think her personal choices are a judgement on you? If someone tells me they choose a different path to me, I wouldn’t think they were looking down at me. I have lots of friends who have different opinions to me, it’s just than an opinion.

mindutopia · 13/03/2026 15:29

She sounds like she’s got some issues. Possibly with emotional attachment/adjustment, really trying to distance herself from anything maternal. I’d be curious what her relationship with her parents is like, not on the surface, but really like. I bet there was a lot of rejection in her family, or on the flip side, parents (mother) who were overbearing and smothering, even if they look very happy families to the rest of the world.

I definitely don’t think that’s healthy or anything to emulate. I’d simply respond with little brush offs like ‘oh, that’s a shame’ when she makes a fuss about not celebrating Mother’s Day. Bet her kid is going to need some therapy one day, being made to call him mum by her first name. 🙄