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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be sick of Cool Girl Mum sister-in-law?

324 replies

ThatPlumViewer · 13/03/2026 14:41

Absolutely at my limit with my sis in law and want to know if anyone else has come across this kind of Mum. The best way to describe it is that she is a pick me/cool girl Mum who always gives the impression she’s too good for motherhood.

The straw that broke the camels back was last weekend. We were all at my Mum’s house and she was given a homemade card from my brother and sister in laws son, my nephew. I said something along the lines of “ah how sweet, did he make one for you too?” to my SIL, and in response she just laughed and said no, that she doesn’t celebrate Mother’s Day so that’s why he made the card for his Granny when they made them at school. I must have looked shocked because she went on to explain that she finds Mother’s Day really naff and cringey, and she doesn’t need a day to be celebrated for doing something ordinary. It was as if she was judging those of us who do make a big deal about it.

I can’t stop thinking about how pathetic she is. This is a long line of behaviour like this from her. She was weird about her pregnancy - she was constantly saying how easy she found it, she never got sickness, she barely even felt pregnant. She chose to have a c-section and kept joking with us all that she was “too posh to push” like she was better than having a normal labour. She didn’t even give birth in her local hospital because her and my brother did loads of research and she decided she had to be in an outstanding rated hospital, and so travelled for that. She didn’t breastfeed and I know she told my Mum she found it gross which felt goady to those of us who did, and was always telling everyone who my brother did everything for her post-partum and she couldn’t understand why so many women struggled to shower with a baby. She never wanted to be called “mummy” and I know she got into a row with a health visitor when they referred to her as such.

Her son sometimes calls her by her first name now and only sometimes Mum, which is so pretentious. Everything she does is like a dig at the way Mum’s usually do things. She always said she never really felt different when she became a mother, didn’t have the usual trenches with her baby and went back to work full time with no problems. She always says her son has slotted into their lives perfectly. It’s like she thinks admitting anything has been hard or a struggle is embarrassing. It’s exactly like all the Cool Girl wives on here who say they don’t care about their husband watching porn or going to strip clubs - I feel like she’s trying to make herself look better than all the rest of us who like Mother’s Day and found newborns difficult. Everyone else I know who became a Mum found a real solidarity in being real and honest with other mums about things, but she wants to appear completely relaxed and too cool to hang out with other Mums. I just think the Mother’s Day thing has tipped me over the edge.

OP posts:
JassyRadlett · 14/03/2026 17:58

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 14/03/2026 17:56

"Saying youre "too posh to push" is incredibly insulting to people who had a natural birth"

'Too posh to push' is typically used an insult for those who have elective caesarians and sometimes even for those who have a Caesarian to avoid a traumatic birth. Sounds to me like she's being self deprecating / deflecting with humour a choice that might otherwise be subject to criticism and censure

I suspect OP might have quite a limited sense of humour and so doesn't detect it in others.

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 14/03/2026 18:02

worldshottestmom · 13/03/2026 19:54

Why do the apparent adults on here take comments and run with them and turn them into something theyre not? You just put so many words in my mouth, im choking.

I never said any of that. I dont even think this comment is worth replying to its so out of depth. It is quite obvious what i meant by my comment, perhaps try reading it again.

I agree with @JassyRadlett 's sardonic take...

Lavender14 · 14/03/2026 21:03

Drivingmissrangey · 13/03/2026 14:46

I’d say you’re the one with the bigger issues OP. You sound incredibly judgmental.

I agree tbh. If that's how she wants to do things she's perfectly within her rights to. It sounds like you perceive anything she does differently to you as a slight on you and that's a you issue op.

It's giving "well I did it this way and mine turned out fine" so for when the time comes and you're a grandparent best get this in check now and stop playing comparison.

Lots of women don't like the idea of breastfeeding. I don't particularly like being referred to as 'mummy' by other adults when getting medical care and find it disrespectful. I chose to have a section because I was nervous about labour due to family history. I also joked about being too posh to push because why would I delve into an awkward conversation? Why do you think she shouldn't be able to give birth in the place she most feels comfortable.

Honestly op I feel a little sorry for her, it sounds like she's finding some things a little harder than she wants to let on but because she's not laying her struggles bare for you, you're so caught up in your own needs and slights that you can't see her and actually sound a like toxic towards her.

NoIDontWantToDoIt · 14/03/2026 22:14

Choosing to do things differently to you is not an attack on your parenting or character. Leave her alone to follow the parenting journey she is choosing.

Hohumitsreallyallthereis · 15/03/2026 01:21

So you don’t like her, and you are incredibly insecure. Got it.

MrsDoylesLastTeabag · 15/03/2026 17:14

We are all different. I am Team your SiL!

Thepeopleversuswork · 15/03/2026 17:20

JassyRadlett · 14/03/2026 17:58

I suspect OP might have quite a limited sense of humour and so doesn't detect it in others.

The OP has no sense of irony and also thinks everything is about her. So anyone who does anything slightly different to her is perceived to dissing her.

oapcarer · 16/03/2026 08:22

She sounds insufferable. YANBU

oapcarer · 16/03/2026 08:23

She sounds insufferable. YANBU

Boomer55 · 16/03/2026 08:28

I don’t know. I didn’t find pregnancy/birth difficult, and I never breast fed.

And, I find the fuss about MD to be a bit performative.

Theres no ‘normal’ way to be a mother.

She’s just different to you - which is fine. Just let her be her, and you do you. 🤷‍♀️

Everynamehasgone99 · 16/03/2026 08:29

Honestly she sounds fine and you sound bitterly jealous. Like, the envy is oozing out of your thread. Why shouldnt she be allowed to have her own thoughts and opinions and share her experiences? Should she have to lie or make herself seem more medoicre so you feel better about her being a little different to the other people you know?

Thepeopleversuswork · 16/03/2026 08:32

Everynamehasgone99 · 16/03/2026 08:29

Honestly she sounds fine and you sound bitterly jealous. Like, the envy is oozing out of your thread. Why shouldnt she be allowed to have her own thoughts and opinions and share her experiences? Should she have to lie or make herself seem more medoicre so you feel better about her being a little different to the other people you know?

Exactly this. The OP seems to think her SIL has ideas above her station because she dares not to fit into a depressingly 1950s style template of motherhood as perpetual martyrdom.

This is one of the most depressing threads I have read for a while.

Everynamehasgone99 · 16/03/2026 08:34

Boomer55 · 16/03/2026 08:28

I don’t know. I didn’t find pregnancy/birth difficult, and I never breast fed.

And, I find the fuss about MD to be a bit performative.

Theres no ‘normal’ way to be a mother.

She’s just different to you - which is fine. Just let her be her, and you do you. 🤷‍♀️

Maybe I'm saying this because I like the sound of her - as I agree with a lot of she said! I was shocked by how easy my childbirth experience was. I have very easy babies. I dont feel I changed majorly after having kids and am still very much myself. My kids call me by my first name whenever they want (although this is because I am a teacher in an international school they attend where all other kids call me by my first name, but mine are welcome to do it at home if they want). I too think Mothers Day is stupid commercialized nonsense. I too found breastfeeding really yucky.

But what I don't understand is ... So??? Why are these things making you so angry? Why do you seem so jealous? Do you think everyone experiences life in exactly the same way?! Cant you be openminded and secure enough to accept that people are different?

Everynamehasgone99 · 16/03/2026 08:35

Thepeopleversuswork · 16/03/2026 08:32

Exactly this. The OP seems to think her SIL has ideas above her station because she dares not to fit into a depressingly 1950s style template of motherhood as perpetual martyrdom.

This is one of the most depressing threads I have read for a while.

Right! This is the feel I got too. Like "How dare she be happy and use her own brain to have her own thoughts?!" 😂

Giddykiddy · 16/03/2026 09:03

Oh dear she sounds a bit like me - i kind of sailed through pregnancy, childbirth, early years and return to work. I have a very positive personality. It might have rubbed others tge wrong way if they wore judgy pants. They got revenge tho when my marriage fell apart spectacularly. Not everything is perfect even if it seems so

gannett · 16/03/2026 09:07

Thepeopleversuswork · 16/03/2026 08:32

Exactly this. The OP seems to think her SIL has ideas above her station because she dares not to fit into a depressingly 1950s style template of motherhood as perpetual martyrdom.

This is one of the most depressing threads I have read for a while.

This thread is a case study in how women are pressured into social conformity by other women. The "norm" is prized above all and anyone who doesn't fit it is disparaged, even if that's something as fucking innocuous as wanting to be called "mum" instead of "mummy".

Thepeopleversuswork · 16/03/2026 09:30

@gannett

This thread is a case study in how women are pressured into social conformity by other women. The "norm" is prized above all and anyone who doesn't fit it is disparaged, even if that's something as fucking innocuous as wanting to be called "mum" instead of "mummy".

Exactly. It's basically "who does she think she is?" It's a horrible, modern twist on the centuries old tradition of people trying to pull anyone who strives to improve their life beyond total conformity back down to earth with a bump. Tall Poppy Syndrome with a nasty little additional kick in the teeth about her "harming" her kids.

The fact that so many people are chiming in to go "yeah, who does she think she is not wanting to celebrate Mother's Day?" is testament to how much attitudes have changed in the past five to ten years. This whole thread has honestly chilled me and as a veteran of these boards that's saying something.

SerafinasGoose · 16/03/2026 12:16

Thepeopleversuswork · 16/03/2026 09:30

@gannett

This thread is a case study in how women are pressured into social conformity by other women. The "norm" is prized above all and anyone who doesn't fit it is disparaged, even if that's something as fucking innocuous as wanting to be called "mum" instead of "mummy".

Exactly. It's basically "who does she think she is?" It's a horrible, modern twist on the centuries old tradition of people trying to pull anyone who strives to improve their life beyond total conformity back down to earth with a bump. Tall Poppy Syndrome with a nasty little additional kick in the teeth about her "harming" her kids.

The fact that so many people are chiming in to go "yeah, who does she think she is not wanting to celebrate Mother's Day?" is testament to how much attitudes have changed in the past five to ten years. This whole thread has honestly chilled me and as a veteran of these boards that's saying something.

Hear, hear.

See also any thread on which women dare to confess to using their own family names.

Girlygirlygirly · 18/03/2026 09:58

Sounds like she never wanted children. I would avoid her as much as possible because she sounds irritating.

Girlygirlygirly · 18/03/2026 10:03

gannett · 16/03/2026 09:07

This thread is a case study in how women are pressured into social conformity by other women. The "norm" is prized above all and anyone who doesn't fit it is disparaged, even if that's something as fucking innocuous as wanting to be called "mum" instead of "mummy".

It’s cute that young children make cards for their mummy on Mother’s Day. Most young children call their mother mama or mummy. It’s not 1950s to think this is cute. It’s weird af to call your parents by their actual names. I don’t know anyone who does this.

godmum56 · 18/03/2026 10:30

worldshottestmom · 13/03/2026 18:30

Of course having a c section and bottle feeding isnt a dig. Saying youre "too posh to push" is incredibly insulting to people who had a natural birth. Saying she finds mothers day cringe and she shouldn't be celebrated for doing something normal, implies that other mums shouldn't either.
Its not about her parenting choices, its about her mocking others for theirs. Perhaps shes just incredibly vapid and doesnt realise how insulting it is, but I doubt that.

I don't think it implies anything apart from her own choices. If someone who has had a caesar says that they were "too posh to push" I'd assume it was a defensive comment because they did not want discuss the real reason.

godmum56 · 18/03/2026 10:31

Girlygirlygirly · 18/03/2026 10:03

It’s cute that young children make cards for their mummy on Mother’s Day. Most young children call their mother mama or mummy. It’s not 1950s to think this is cute. It’s weird af to call your parents by their actual names. I don’t know anyone who does this.

I know several young adults who did this from childhood. All of them are normal lovely people as are their parents.

godmum56 · 18/03/2026 10:34

Thepeopleversuswork · 16/03/2026 09:30

@gannett

This thread is a case study in how women are pressured into social conformity by other women. The "norm" is prized above all and anyone who doesn't fit it is disparaged, even if that's something as fucking innocuous as wanting to be called "mum" instead of "mummy".

Exactly. It's basically "who does she think she is?" It's a horrible, modern twist on the centuries old tradition of people trying to pull anyone who strives to improve their life beyond total conformity back down to earth with a bump. Tall Poppy Syndrome with a nasty little additional kick in the teeth about her "harming" her kids.

The fact that so many people are chiming in to go "yeah, who does she think she is not wanting to celebrate Mother's Day?" is testament to how much attitudes have changed in the past five to ten years. This whole thread has honestly chilled me and as a veteran of these boards that's saying something.

yup....another form of crab bucket.

Arraminta · 18/03/2026 10:46

Thepeopleversuswork · 16/03/2026 09:30

@gannett

This thread is a case study in how women are pressured into social conformity by other women. The "norm" is prized above all and anyone who doesn't fit it is disparaged, even if that's something as fucking innocuous as wanting to be called "mum" instead of "mummy".

Exactly. It's basically "who does she think she is?" It's a horrible, modern twist on the centuries old tradition of people trying to pull anyone who strives to improve their life beyond total conformity back down to earth with a bump. Tall Poppy Syndrome with a nasty little additional kick in the teeth about her "harming" her kids.

The fact that so many people are chiming in to go "yeah, who does she think she is not wanting to celebrate Mother's Day?" is testament to how much attitudes have changed in the past five to ten years. This whole thread has honestly chilled me and as a veteran of these boards that's saying something.

So well written. Reminds me of the archaic attitudes of the women in DH's family when I had DD1. Their obvious envy disguised as faux concern or amusement when I didn't humbly morph into a frumpy 1950s Mum. I barely breast fed, went back to work and continued wearing make up every day.

It's continued to this day over the way our adult DDs still call us 'Mummy' and 'Daddy' or the fact both our DDs ski. But it's very much their problem and not mine.

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