AIBU to expect my mother to know my address as an adult?

[aredrosegrewup]

Looking for some opinions and perspectives to see if I'm being unreasonable.

There's definitely relevant previous background, but on the whole do mothers of adult children, regardless of age, know their address? Not just where they live but their actual address, or at least have it written down somewhere?

I appreciate this seems ridiculous in the grand scheme of life, but as with most things in life, it's one of many other issues.

Thanks!

Mine knows where I live but wouldn't know the address as she doesn't ever post stuff to me

My Mum certainly knows mine. Not sure if she would need to check the postcode in her address book as I've not lived in this house many years, but yes, normal to know.

Yes, she has them written down. Its important to her to send us Birthday cards, which we appreciate.

My mum doesnt know my address off the top of her head but she knows the village i live in and I think probably has it written down somewhere. If not, she can always ask me for it if she needs it.

Does it bother you that she doesn't know?

Yes, I feel like a postcode reminder if not written down seems "normal". Would it bother you if she asked for the full address multiple times over a 5 year period?

Would she likely have made some effort over the last few years to write it down/keep a text with it on etc?

I'd probably think she was a bit scatty and kept writing it down somewhere and then losing it. Is she just a forgetful person?

I would find that odd, unless she was a very disorganised person who did not write things down

No it wouldn’t. I know where my sisters live for example but haven’t written it down specifically anywhere and often ask them to remind me of their address on the odd occasion I post stuff. Obviously if I’m going to their house I know which house it is so won’t ask. People use addresses much more rarely these days!

I don’t think my mum knows mine & certainly wouldn’t know my postcode.
really isn’t a big deal- & doesn’t bother me at all as we communicate by text/phone calls/emails far more than post. S it would be a pointless piece of information to hold onto!
does this bother you & why?

I suppose it would be annoying that she was so disorganised but it wouldn’t bother me further than that!

Try having your mum giving your future inheritance to your sister as she’s never ever bothered to work - she’s 50 and abled bodied - and your mum says ‘well she needs it more than you’, which is bollocks! Now that’s a piss-take when I’m working full time with kids and a mortgage to pay and want to put my kids through uni.

Your problem wouldn’t bother me at all in comparison.

Mine knew my address off by heart from many years of posting me letters and cards, yes. It would have been the address she knew best after her own and her own mum's.

But we all used to have actual physical address books, and now we don't. Which, to those of us NOT brought up in the digital age makes 'writing it down' so much more bloody complicated! Write it down where? On a post it note? In a digital file? Which one? Where is it? What did I call it? On a piece of paper? Well that's hopeless for sure!
Twenty years ago I had every address I ever needed in an address book that I updated.
Now I, just like your mum, regularly have to ask my adult children what number house they live at! Then I can slink off and Google the postcode for myself...

My brother for some reason cannot remember the address of the house my parents moved to 13 years ago. Just cannot do it. He knows the town and the street name but cannot get the house number or postcode to stay in his head.

Yes I know my adult DDs’ addresses (might have to check postcode) and my Mom knows mine.

OP does your dm expect you to know hers?

My DM struggled with this and also remembering/writing down birthdays. It was a mix of dyslexia and the very early signs of vascular dementia.

Nope, but I'm not the best person to ask, as our relationship ended a few years ago after she abused me for decades.
Life is good now.

Buy an address book then. Or add it to the contact on your phone / computer.

it’s really not hard.

And no, I wasn’t brought up in the digital age.

I don't think it's a big deal at all.

I know where my adult daughter lives, I know the name of her road. I can't remember what Flat number she lives at. It's written down somewhere but it's easier if if ever needed it to just drop her a WhatsApp to ask.

My mum has probably had my address written down from the very moment she sent me a link to the house for sale!

I know where my sons live, but not their exact addresses. I do have them in messages but if I need to post them something I usually ask again because it's quicker than trying to find it.

On this issue alone YABU, but I do get why it would piss you off as part of a much bigger picture of feeling neglected.

My adult kids all live within 30 minutes drive from me ( 2 of them are walking distance) so I've never had to know their addresses as we see each other regularly. I know the road names but not the whole address - why would I?
I also don't know most of my friends' addresses 🤷‍♀️

Not particularly, I don't imagine it's ever been written down.