AIBU to expect my mother to know my address as an adult?

[aredrosegrewup]

Looking for some opinions and perspectives to see if I'm being unreasonable.

There's definitely relevant previous background, but on the whole do mothers of adult children, regardless of age, know their address? Not just where they live but their actual address, or at least have it written down somewhere?

I appreciate this seems ridiculous in the grand scheme of life, but as with most things in life, it's one of many other issues.

Thanks!

Exactly the same. My DC have moved around a bit, one quite extensively, and I’ve always know their address. I might not know the postal details if they lived nearby, that would be reasonable.

Do you think your mum shows little interest in your life, in general?

Yes, I would say so.

Adult children as apposed to GC……Grandchildren

I didn’t know all my DC’s when they were at uni, they each had four homes so that’s twelve addresses.
Why is this such a thing for you?

I know one daughters full address and my son's. The other daughter I know the first line, eg 1 any street and town but not postcode. Amazon however has it saved for me lol

i completely understand why you are checking. If you grow up in a neglectful household, it’s hard to classify what’s generally normal parenting behaviour and which parts are the rubbish neglectful parts.

I have told what I considered to be funny stories from my childhood, only to find out that they were shocking / surprising to the listener, and examples of neglect/ poor parenting, whereas for me they were just normal / slightly funny situations. Obviously there are many less funny stories, but you trend not to tell those.

your calibration gauge is skewed of normal parenting. My mum gets my first name wrong, and spells my married name incorrectly the majority of the time. This can be a funny story, but sometimes it just isn’t.

develop a good eye roll and mirror her level of care/ interest, is my best advice.

As I originally said, YABU on this issue alone, but I totally get that's it's a tiny part of a much bigger picture so it's understandable.

For me, I dont understand why it's such an issue/so hard for her to either remember or make a note of my address. It feels like a lack of effort in my situation.

Thank you! I'm trying to get better at mirroring.

I'd be concerned because she used to live at it.

My mum knows where I live but she wouldn't have a clue of the address or even the house number but that's more because she doesn't have an address book anymore and she's in her 70s and can't remember stuff as much - although I did buy her a notebook entitled "Shit that I forgot" amongst her Christmas presents which she was actually really pleased with (I never normally swear infront of my mum, but she loved the title of the book) - so maybe she might have my address after all

I think it depends on wider context, but for what it’s worth OP, I can understand the frustration.

My mum asks me a few times a year (usually to send gifts that never actually arrive/exist). She has never remembered or bothered to write it down which does frustrate me for a multitude of reasons. However it is part of a wider issue where I am generally forgotten by her (including birthday and Christmas, never visits) and when I am remembered it is because I can be useful to her. Others get treated far better by her.

A friends DM on the other hand doesn’t know the exact address of my friend but could drive there. She is a lovely but scatty woman. Even if she did note it down she would probably forget!

My mom used to get as far as "England" and have to look up the rest.

My parents had a telephone number book where everyone they knew was listed and changed made over about 50 years before they had to buy a second book as there was no room to make changes in the first book. And lots of people crossed out as they died. The second book started to get toppers of post it notes for some of us moving around a lot.

I know the address of DS but I'd have to check the postcode. He knows ours but again might have to check the postcode.

I do have children. I honestly couldn't tell you their addresses. I go there frequently but would t know them off the top of my head. I genuinely cannot fathom why you're so anxious about an address?

I'm not anxious. I said in my OP that there is a background. I'm trying to understand others' perspectives. For me, it feels like an "I can't be arsed to remember or write down your address, but I can be arsed to text you and inconvenience you every time to ask for it".

My mum would have known and I sure know my DD's address and postcode. Ex MIL was super disorganised and never knew any of that stuff which astounded me

I think these things are always part of a wider context aren't they. From what I've gathered here, those who feel they have no immediate family issues don't have or see a problem with it, but it's maybe different for those of use with strained relationships.

Very organised!

OP, I think it depends. I have all my DC’s addresses (and all my other important addresses) in a file on my computer, but if you asked me their addresses, I might not be able to tell you the postcode without looking it up. For my DDs who are abroad, I have to look it up every time, because the spellings are difficult and the addresses are also quite long (post office take note - when I buy postage online, which I do quite regularly, it’s hard to cram all their address into the number of lines given).

What stands out to me in your case is that you have all their addresses. If you need their address, you can get it. Is it an intentional thing for you, would it feel odd not to have them?

You’ve only been at the same address for 5 years and you are low contact with her. She is likely checking the address to ensure you have not moved again and as an excuse just to contact you.

She knew I hadn't moved again, I'm not that low contact. She's been here recently.

I personally don't think it's a big deal @aredrosegrewup

I remember things, it's the way my brain works. I can reel off addresses, phone numbers and loads of other information. Not everyone can.

The house I live in now is opposite one of the houses I lived in as a child. We lived there for 7 years. My brother asks for the address whenever he sends anything. Every. Single. Time. I give him the address without question as he's taking the time to send something - that's how he's considering us. The fact he can't remember the address is quite irrelevant as his actions say more. I can remember his address perfectly. Our brains work differently.

Maybe if you have a contentious relationship then that is relevant. Maybe she doesn't want to get it wrong. Maybe she's trying to demonstrate that she's thinking about you by sending you something and that's what she feels is the relevant bit.

The bit about emergency services etc isn't relevant. She doesn't live there so it wouldn't be an action for her to take.

And yes, my mum does know my address but that's mainly because she lives round the corner. She forgets other things - it doesn't bother me