AIBU to expect my mother to know my address as an adult?

[aredrosegrewup]

Looking for some opinions and perspectives to see if I'm being unreasonable.

There's definitely relevant previous background, but on the whole do mothers of adult children, regardless of age, know their address? Not just where they live but their actual address, or at least have it written down somewhere?

I appreciate this seems ridiculous in the grand scheme of life, but as with most things in life, it's one of many other issues.

Thanks!

I know the road names my children live in but not the house numbers or postcodes. They live nearby so I never post anything to them. They both told me their full addresses via WhatsApp when they moved in so if I ever needed it I’d just do a search. I wouldn’t ask them.

This is very strange. Firstly that this happens so often given you aren’t close. How many people are wanting to send you things?!

Secondly that this issue of address sees but a teeny tiny drop in the ocean of a entire life history of a very difficult relationship with your
mother and yet you have started a thread about this.

Finally, you could buy your mother an address book for Mother’s Day and insert one address. YOUR address!

from how you allude to the very poor relationship with your mother… yes it will likely be lack of effort, but I imagine there you can bring up a catalogue of examples of lack of effort which put this in the shade!

This is all about a difficult and complex and negative mother / daughter relationship and nothing to do with an address

Oh yes, the dreaded mothers day!

It's happened a few times.over the past 5 years. More regularly when we first moved here and she couldn't remember the route, but didn't keep the address.

I started it as I couldn't work out how I was feeling about it, sometimes with these turbulent relationships, the things that seem small and insignificant can sometimes be harder to rationalise.

I can't disagree. Sometimes having a selection of experiences from others helps though.

My aunt sent me a long rant of an email about how rude my daughter was for not thanking her for a gift. We wracked our brains trying to figure out what she was talking about. Turned out she sent it to a completely wrong address (not even an old address).
Luckily when we were able to retrieved it. Totally bizarre carry on.

I think that the other issues are the problem tbh girl

I dont know addresses tbh, especially if they're near to me

My suggestion of sending her an address book with your address in it was a serious one - would you consider doing this?

I would have to look my son's address up. I don't know the number of his house or the name of his street!

Ok so don’t waste your brain space on this address issue.

Have you considered therapy for what sounds like a very difficult relationship with your mother?

I'm not sure I can be arsed. I can barely bring myself to buy a normal present. We're in trenches of infertility and mothers day is a bit of a sore subject.

I already see a wonderful therapist (psychologist). I just fancied the opinions of strangers for a change.

We just moved last weekend, my parents know the address but probably not the postcode but they would be smart enough to Google that.

Did you raise your feelings about the address issue with your psychologist?

You don’t need to buy her a normal present
the address book can by your present

I haven't yet, we've had a two week break as she's away.

Ok so raise it with her but I imagine that there are many many much more disturbing issues that you’d probs my be better periodising

I don’t know my mums address. I have it written down though, so don’t have to ask her for it. It wouldn’t bother me if she didn’t know mine. She’s got it written down but if she needed to know it, she only has to ask 🤷🏼‍♀️

Yes but I lived there for 18 years so it would be weird if I didn’t.

This rang alarm bells with me. The forgetting the route was one of the first signs of my DM’s dementia only I didn’t know it at the time,

Well it’s not something you use as regularly as a phone number and a lot of people don’t know them so no I wouldn’t expect them to, you’ll know hers because it’s your home address

It takes me time to remember my own address let alone expect my parents too same as my date of birth and mobile number

It's definitely not dementia.

It wasn't my home, they moved after I moved out. But yes, it's not used as regularly as a phone number.