AIBU to expect my mother to know my address as an adult?

[aredrosegrewup]

Looking for some opinions and perspectives to see if I'm being unreasonable.

There's definitely relevant previous background, but on the whole do mothers of adult children, regardless of age, know their address? Not just where they live but their actual address, or at least have it written down somewhere?

I appreciate this seems ridiculous in the grand scheme of life, but as with most things in life, it's one of many other issues.

Thanks!

I would need to check the postcode; but they are written down somewhere.

Of course.

Of course what?

I have DD1's written in my phone address book, but she has had two in two years being a student, so at the beginning of the academic year I might get a bit of it wrong, if I went from memory.

I've got four adult children. I know the address of two because they're currently back at home.

One lives a 30 minute drive away. I could take a decent guess at the address, but wouldn't 100% say I'd have it right. I know exactly how to get there though and never post them anything.

One lives around a 10 hour drive away. I don't know his address. When we visit, we stay in a hotel because they share an apartment with others. We have visited the home, but mostly when we are down to visit we meet at various places or our hotel. I had a gift delivered for his birthday last year, so I messaged his partner for the address. But, we all share so many messages, I'd be hard pushed to scroll back and find it. I'd just ask again.

If you had asked me years ago if I wouldn't know exactly where my kids live, I'd have been shocked at the idea of not knowing, but it's just worked out this way. There are no issues in our relationships, everyone gets along well.

Yesterday, I was filling out a form and it asked for an emergency contact. I would normally put the eldest, but it wanted address and phone number on the form, so I chose one of those currently living with us instead.

Pretty sure none of my kids are bothered by me not knowing all the details of their address.

I know where all my siblings live, and can find my way to each of them. I could have a stab at their addresses but would certainly get some bits wrong.

That's what old fashioned address books are for.

Well I certainly found out that my mum knew my address when she started sending me letters asking why I wasn’t talking to her the day after I visited (which was frequent.) She had Alzheimer’s and I actually marvelled at her ability to write the letter and envelope, stick a stamp on and post it, considering she couldn’t remember whether she had eaten breakfast. Dear love her. Such a strange illness.

Buy her an address book and put your address initially before you give it to her. Simple.

I had a gift delivered for his birthday last year, so I messaged his partner for the address. But, we all share so many messages, I'd be hard pushed to scroll back and find it. I'd just ask again.

Why would you just not write it in an address book or in your phone contacts the first time though? Then you don't have to ask again.

I have 3 adult children. All 20's and have lived in various shared houses. One has had almost a dozen addresses over a decade.

I keep track on my Amazon address list (always sending them something or other because they don't want to pay for Prime!). Or I search back through WhatsApp conversations.

If I wanted to check a house number or postcode, I'd ask them again and not worry about it.

You can add an address easily to your contacts on phone and never need ask again

I don't know my mums address. I probably so have it stored somewhere but I couldn't tell you it. Nor do I know my brother's. I know where she lives and I just go there bit wouldn't have a clue what the address actually is. Why is this an issue i barely know my own

My mum knows mine and my brothers address but would probably need to check postcode/number.

It might not be an issue for you. If you have children would you want to know theirs?

The thing is @aredrosegrewup the relationship I have with my children is not the same, as you describe, that you have with your Mum.

She seems to have failed you, (as you've described) just by how you feel about her and your relationship, that is immensely damaging and runs deep.

Asking for your address, every time, is merely a side issue from how you'd hoped she should have been as your parent.

It's just another thing to add to the list of disappointments, you feel.

So, your Mum knowing your address, given the circumstances you've stated, is not a hill for you to die on ma lovely.

Let it go 🌸

I think double checking the odd time with so many house moves etc is reasonable. You seem to generally have their addresses saved somewhere. Is it intentional?

No .. my mum knows where my house is, visits regularly/babysits but wouldn’t know the actual address as she’s never posted me anything. Similarly with my siblings I know where their houses are and visit but would need to ask them their proper address if I needed to post anything ( in 20 years i never have needed to post as we all see each other often). I’ve never given it second thought

My mum had it written down for the odd time she might post me something. Certainly wouldn’t have remembered it - she probably would have got the town but not more than that!

I don't fancy being the mother, but I get your point.

The quetion is whether she's clueless on everyone's address, or just yours?

I am not great at physical addresses any more. Like a PP mentioned, it was better when I had an old fashioned address book. I lost it and somehow, never got myself together again.

But if she remembers everyone else's but not yours.... that would be annoying.

There's also the lazy factor - I can never remember my sister's address exactly but I never ask her for it. I just quickly look it up. Because I'd look like an idiot asking her.

Ugh that's awful 😣

I dont expect her to know it without it being written down necessarily.

Of course my AC know my address……they were my NOK at one stage and are my attorneys too.

Erm I'm not sure if I'm honest, our conversations don't run deep enough to know whether or not she knows other people's addresses. I imagine however, when my sisters get their own places in the future (age gap), that their addresses are more likely to be remembered or at least saved somewhere.

What is AC?