AIBU to expect my mother to know my address as an adult?

[aredrosegrewup]

Looking for some opinions and perspectives to see if I'm being unreasonable.

There's definitely relevant previous background, but on the whole do mothers of adult children, regardless of age, know their address? Not just where they live but their actual address, or at least have it written down somewhere?

I appreciate this seems ridiculous in the grand scheme of life, but as with most things in life, it's one of many other issues.

Thanks!

Why do you ask them for it if you have it saved your phone?

Yes you did. But if that’s your only worry, you’re lucky. If it’s just another layer on a very ‘shitty’ cake, then the grand finale will be so much worse!

Don’t sweat it at this stage!

In my opinion, I would think would want to know because they are your children. This isnt a slight at you, just an opinion.

I have friends I've visited multiple times but still need to ask their address and put it in the satnav every time I visit because my memory for places is really, really poor. I know where my parents and aunt live without directions but I couldn't tell anyone their actual address. They're all very important to me, I know their birthdays, I know their likes and dislikes and what's important to them, I just struggle with remembering addresses.

I doubt my dad has known any of my addresses since I left home in the 90s. Don't think he's ever sent me anything and he doesn't travel very far anymore. My mum has been to my current home but I doubt she would know the address of by heart. I see my parents several times a year and speak to them regularly, we just don't send stuff.

This time it was to give to somebody else, another family member who I also thought would have known my address. It's normally to give to somebody or to send a card or something.

A good parent is a good parent regardless of whether they know their child’s ’ address.

There’s clearly something massive going on here.

Not at all. My mum asks for it every time she wants to post something. She’s not an address book sort of person, she knows where I live (an hour away from her) but can’t ever remember the address. She’d probably guess it correctly but she always checks. It’s fine by me.

So you do know her address then. You know the number, road and town.

Do you know her address?

I don't know my DD's home address. She has moved twice in the past year, and I wrote the previous addresses in my address book. She hasn't given me her new one yet. She moved just before Christmas. When I need it, to send birthday stuff, I'll ask her for it and write it in the book. It's only that she always visits us, rather than us going to her (shared) house.

So I think it depends on context. If you've had the same address for five years then yes, I'd have expected her to have written it down. But some people are just scatty or disorganised - doesn't make them bad people or mean they don't care.

Because it may well not be in her phone. My Dad doesn't have any addresses in his phone.

It might be in an address book, which might be in the drawer in under the phone in the hallway or in the desk or on the shelf with the family birthdays list, or wherever he left it last time he needed it.

So he might just ask.

He knows mine because I've lived here over 20 years but he doesn't know his grandchildren's addresses or my brother's because he's moved recently. So he asks.

It's not necessarily indicative of whether someone is a good parent or not.

Yes, I imagine in many circumstances, a good parent will forget an address. I do think it's odd not to know the address of your child or at least have it written down. How could you send emergency services to their house for example. I said in my OP that there is background which in this case definitely skews things alongside a long list of other issues. For me personally, I'm sick of giving the same information and they can't take 30 seconds to save it.

She said she had it in her messages. It could be indicative of good parenting, depends on the circumstances.

I don't see how this thread is going to help you - lots of people are telling you their parents wouldn't have a clue about their address but as they otherwise have a good relationship, it's not a big deal.

It's probably worth dressing the actual issue at hand, not focusing on this.

Why would your mother be sending and ambulance to your house? She isn't going to be the person who realises you need one because she's not there.

It's ok to be angry or hurt about poor parenting, of course it is. I just don't think this is in particular is anything to get wound up by.

I know all my 5 adult children’s addresses

No, she's either asking for my address so she can give it to somebody else - so they can send a card for example. Or she wants it to send a card herself. We've lived here 5 years and for the first couple, she used to ask for it every time she drove here - instead of writing it down because she doesn't come very often.

My mum has to ask me every time she sends something. She has posted stuff for my daughter to the wrong address a few times. She is massively scatterbrained but it’s just how she is. It doesn’t bother me.

Yet she has asked you for it multiple times so clearly does use it. I wouldn’t be bothered about this in the slightest, no. I think it would be a problem if she hadn’t asked at all and wasn’t arsed which is what your OP seemed to suggest. You are letting a minor detail grow here, it’s nothing.

Is that because you want to and have actively either written them down or just remembered them? Is it important to you?