AIBU to be worried son proposed without telling us and lacks finances?

[OneOliveDeer]

My son is 25 years old and since graduating from University two years ago has been doing online tutoring.
He has been dating a girl who will soon be graduating too and is madly in love with the girl.
He bought an engagement ring worth £650 immediately he started working part time and I only found it accidentally.
He just announced to us that he proposed to the girlfriend a week ago and she accepted.
I was shocked that he proposed without informing us and I am worried that he is not ready financially yet. It is his first relationship, so that makes me even more worried. He says he is ready and plans to wed in the next one year. I want to talk with the girlfriend but not sure what to say. I’m I being unreasonable to think that he was supposed to inform us and that he isn’t ready yet?

He’s a 25 year old man and he has informed you, just not in advance. Of course we always worry about our children, but unless there is some SEN or other vulnerability, I really don’t see the problem with him making independent adult decisions without consulting you.

He’s 25, cut the apron strings

Why do you get to decide when he is ready to marry? He’s a grown up.

If they don’t have much money, they’ll have a small intimate wedding - not sure what “financially ready to marry” even means! People who live pay check to pay check with little prospect of saving much aren’t allowed to get married?

You’ve totally glossed over all the things that matter when making this decision - he loves her, she loves him and they want to get married!

It’s not 1820. I can’t see what difference it makes financially whether they get married or not. Not really your business unless he’s expecting you to pay for things so I would just be happy for them.

How did you manage to find the engagement ring 'accidentally'?. And no, he doesn't have to check with you first about making life decisions. I agree with PP: cut the apron strings.

He’s 25….he doesn’t need to run anything by you.

He's 25. He doesn't need to ask Mummy and Daddy for permission to live his life.
What do you mean you 'want to talk with the girlfriend but not sure what to say'?

He is 25 not 15. He has no obligation to inform you of anything.
How did you find the ring, OP? Was it just lying around?

Talk to you about what and why? He is 25 not 15 fgs.

I can see why he doesn’t tell you things.

All you need to say is 'lovely, congratulations' and go about your day. It's fine.
Presumably the couple aren't wanting you to house them or pay for their wedding, and can plan their event according to their income.

He’s an adult so isn’t obligated to inform you of anything before doing it! The price he paid for the ring is relatively modest so perhaps he’s more ready than you think. You finding the ring suggests he still lives at home, if you want to say anything other than congratulations perhaps ask them what their plans are for their housing situation.

Please god don’t talk to his fiancé about how you don’t think he’s ready and you’re upset he didn’t tell you beforehand.

Let them enjoy the first weeks of their engagement, buy a bottle of bubbly, give her a hug and a card, celebrate them and don’t alienate them with nonsense jealousy/negativity!

Dear god, my DS didn’t tell us he was proposing to my wonderful DDIL, why on earth would he?
I didn’t even know that this was a ‘thing’ and I certainly wouldn’t be discussing whether or not he could afford to marry! What a weirdly controlling attitude?

I am also curious how you found the ring by accident. He is 25 and is an adult as is she. They can make their own decisions. You do not need to talk to her about you not being informed in advance or their lack of finance. You come across that you will be an interfering mother in law to be.

Is this real? He is a grown man 🤣

You have a 25 year old son who has a degree, a job, a great relationship that he wants to commit to and he has made that decision independently.....good for him! You should be pleased. I'm failing to understand the problem unless there is info missing here.

Stop worrying about problems that may not exist and live your life.

Another weird 3 word MN name. OP where does one get one of these?

He’s 25! I suspect your DIL will be on here at some point telling outrageous stories about her batshit MIL.

They're suggested to people registering, used to be user13467890 now it's three words.

Oh my lord 😅😅

What do you say? Congratulations and welcome to the family!

He's 25. There is no 'supposed to tell us'.

Fucking hell, he needs to run far far away!

I definitely don't think he needed to inform you he was going to propose. I understand your concerns re finances etc but he's a 25 year old man, he had no obligation to tell his parents about his plans to propose.