To stick with an alcohol free wedding even if some people think it’s odd?

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Hi all. Slightly nervous posting as I read MN loads but don’t start threads much.

DP and I are getting married later this year. Nothing massive, about 70ish people, family and close friends mostly. We’re trying to keep it fairly simple and low key rather than a huge big production.

One thing we decided quite early on was that the wedding would be alcohol free. Properly alcohol free, not just limited drinks or whatever.

The reason is DP is a recovering alcoholic. He’s been sober for about 18 months now and has done really, really well. It hasn’t always been easy but he’s worked incredibly hard and life is just better all round now. Calmer, happier, all of that.

Before anyone suggests it, yes he’s completely on board with the idea. It was actually him who first said maybe we should just not have alcohol there at all. I agreed pretty quickly.

Also for context I don’t drink either. I barely drank anyway before all this, maybe the odd glass at a wedding or Christmas but that was about it. So giving it up wasn’t a big dramatic thing for me and I genuinely don’t miss it.

We were planning nice alcohol free cocktails, good food, music, the usual wedding things just without wine and prosecco etc.

Anyway I was chatting to a friend yesterday about the plans and mentioned the alcohol free bit. She doesn’t know about DP’s history.

Her reaction was basically “you can’t have a wedding without alcohol, people will expect it”. She said people might think it’s a bit strange or leave early if there’s no bar. She also suggested we could at least do wine with the meal or something.

I sort of laughed it off at the time but it’s been niggling at me since.

Part of me thinks it’s our wedding and surely adults can cope for one afternoon and evening without a drink. And if it helps DP feel completely relaxed on the day then that matters more than someone missing a glass of prosecco.

But equally I don’t want people thinking we’re being weird or tight or something when that’s not the reason at all.

We’re not planning on explaining DP’s situation to everyone either as that feels like his business.

So AIBU to stick with the alcohol free wedding and just leave it at that? Or should we reconsider having at least something available?

Brilliant idea. Nobody needs alcohol. Stick to it.
If you can't go to a wedding without drinking there's something wrong with you.

YANBU. Yes it's unusual but really, anyone who values alcohol over the actual point of the day, i.e. seeing people they care about celebrating their marriage, is not worth having there anyway.

The most important people on that day are you and your husband to be. His comfort and enjoyment comes first.

Of course you can, it's your wedding and you can do what like. However, people will talk about it a lot and ask etc
'We’re not planning on explaining DP’s situation to everyone either as that feels like his business.'
You don't have to, but you might want to agree on some 'lines to take' as people will ask and comment.

Honestly, unless you and your friends are from a culture where drinking is taboo (which doesn’t seem to be the case) I would be extremely surprised to go to an alcohol free wedding. I would probably wonder if the bride or groom had an alcohol problem and it would make me feel a little sad for them. Unfortunately I suspect you will have people escaping to try and find booze.

But someone will be along in a minute to tell you that only alcoholics expect wine at a party…

Ooh that’s difficult… of course you do what you want to as a couple but without explanation it will come across as weird and controlling. It sounds like you’re having a lot of people attend if you don’t know them all well enough for them to already know the situation. A dry wedding for no apparent reason will be the talk of the wedding and something that guests will tell stories about for a long time afterwards. If you don’t care then just do it!

It’s a sensible decision but I think you should let people know in advance “ For personal reasons our wedding will be alcohol free. Thank you for your understanding “ Some folks may bring in hip flasks but hopefully will not be noticeable.

Gosh that’s difficult isn’t it. I was about to say no, an alcohol free wedding doesn’t sound right but then I read about your husband- well done to him by the way - and I completely understand why you want to do this.
Im afraid I don’t know the answer, I do feel that it’s most important that your husband feels relaxed and happy at his own wedding, so maybe that’s your answer.

If that's what it needs to be, that's what it needs to be. Though I suppose I'd wonder if the wedding shouldn't be postponed until he's further into recovery, if at eighteen months dry he's clear that he would find it very difficult to be around people drinking alcohol for a day.

It wouldn’t bother me at all, but I do think if you aren’t going to provide any kind of explanation then lots of people will think it’s a bit weird. Presumably it will be at a venue that would usually serve alcohol, so they wouldn’t even be able to get an alcoholic drink for themselves at a bar?

YANBU - but I think you need to reference this in some way and let people know.

For e,g ";for personal reasons we are celebrating our marriage with an alcohol-free wedding"

l love a drink but completely respect this. Your wedding, your decision.

I would not go to an alcohol free wedding personally .people will question why and It will draw more attention to your husbands recovery and people will think he can’t control himself around alcohol rather than it is alcohol free by choice.

Some people will definitely think it is odd! In 70 years, I've only been to a Muslim wedding that was AF.

I think it's absolutely fine but as PPs have said, I think you need to address it beforehand as otherwise it will be the only thing people talk about and yes, people will leave early.

I honestly think that says quite a lot about your relationship with alcohol of you wpuld be sad for the bride or groom not drinking....

It makes sense in your case, but I would tell people there will be no alcohol.

What time is the wedding/celebration? Some friends arranged a lovely day which centred around an afternoon tea, following which they left for their honeymoon.

Have you discussed it with your chosen venue? Alcohol sales will represent a significant element of their profit for the occasion.

Actually I like @rookiemere ’s response , for personal reasons.
People will then hopefully understand that there’s a reason behind this. I wouldn’t have a problem with this at all.

It sounds fine to me.

Especially if your DP is still at the stage where he is bothered by having alcohol around him.

Some alcoholics never move past that stage so it's very sensible for them to remove themselves from events where alcohol is involved.

With this being his/your wedding, he can remain in control of who drinks what.

Absolutely not U.

Normalise not getting bladdered at every special occasion. We are such a weird nation that this is even a question.

I had a no-alcohol wedding as both me and exDH are recovering alcoholics and would have felt weird for us to be surrounded by drunk people. Most people respected it (although a couple bought hip flasks and went outside to drink them...).

We did warn people beforehand and as pp said we told them it was due to personal reasons.

I would be sad that one of them had an alcohol problem that meant they couldn’t be around people drinking.

It's you wedding so it's completely up to you both. I think some people won't come though.

I don’t drink much and see a wedding (esp child free!) as a chance to let my hair down.
However if I was going to the wedding of a recovering alcoholic I’d understand completely. If they don’t get it and support you/your decision then they don’t know you well enough to be sharing in your most important day.