To stick with an alcohol free wedding even if some people think it’s odd?

[PopItStar]

Hi all. Slightly nervous posting as I read MN loads but don’t start threads much.

DP and I are getting married later this year. Nothing massive, about 70ish people, family and close friends mostly. We’re trying to keep it fairly simple and low key rather than a huge big production.

One thing we decided quite early on was that the wedding would be alcohol free. Properly alcohol free, not just limited drinks or whatever.

The reason is DP is a recovering alcoholic. He’s been sober for about 18 months now and has done really, really well. It hasn’t always been easy but he’s worked incredibly hard and life is just better all round now. Calmer, happier, all of that.

Before anyone suggests it, yes he’s completely on board with the idea. It was actually him who first said maybe we should just not have alcohol there at all. I agreed pretty quickly.

Also for context I don’t drink either. I barely drank anyway before all this, maybe the odd glass at a wedding or Christmas but that was about it. So giving it up wasn’t a big dramatic thing for me and I genuinely don’t miss it.

We were planning nice alcohol free cocktails, good food, music, the usual wedding things just without wine and prosecco etc.

Anyway I was chatting to a friend yesterday about the plans and mentioned the alcohol free bit. She doesn’t know about DP’s history.

Her reaction was basically “you can’t have a wedding without alcohol, people will expect it”. She said people might think it’s a bit strange or leave early if there’s no bar. She also suggested we could at least do wine with the meal or something.

I sort of laughed it off at the time but it’s been niggling at me since.

Part of me thinks it’s our wedding and surely adults can cope for one afternoon and evening without a drink. And if it helps DP feel completely relaxed on the day then that matters more than someone missing a glass of prosecco.

But equally I don’t want people thinking we’re being weird or tight or something when that’s not the reason at all.

We’re not planning on explaining DP’s situation to everyone either as that feels like his business.

So AIBU to stick with the alcohol free wedding and just leave it at that? Or should we reconsider having at least something available?

I dont think that's the point.

It’s your wedding and totally understandable and will be perfectly lovely without alcohol.
Questions will probably be asked but it doesn’t matter.

If even 1% of the sanctimonious prigs from this thread were at the wedding, you'd need a couple of drinks to make it to dinner without killing one of them or yourself 😵😵😵

Tbh if i was having a special event without alcohol but my friends couldn't manage 1 evening helping me to celebrate , i don't think i would value them as friends any longer, it would tell me that they were selfish and unsupportive. They would have 364 other days to booze as they wish, pathetic if they can't tolerate 1 day without to be part of a friend 's special day.

Not getting it,are you?

I like a drink but am also perfectly capable of enjoying an event without alcohol, as are most people, surely?! It’s your wedding, you should have it how you want it. The thing for me is that it feels like a celebration, and what you’ve planned sounds great. If it was jugs of tap water only I might feel a little miffed but that’s not what you’re suggesting. Nice food and drinks that feel special, just with no alcohol sounds perfectly fine

Hi op we had a alcohol free wedding.
neither of us had issues with alcohol - although I don’t drink at all.
we we’re having a very family friendly summer wedding:
I made the decision just based on trying to avoid drunk antics which make me cringe. I pre warned everyone it would be alcohol free and child friendly we had a mixture of nice juice cocktails , fancy milkshakes , your usual soft drinks and a hot drink van.
everyone we loved showed up and it wasn’t filled with pointless people to fill numbers. There was around 60 adults and 30 children.

Dictate? They're hosting! They get to choose what they'll provide.

If I invite guests over for dinner and serve cheesecake but not chocolate mousse for dinner, can I be accused of dictating what they eat?
.

Do you think if an ex sex addict had a wedding, all the guests would have to come with a sheet over their heads just in case he suddenly got the urge to jump on one of them.

Are you going to tell people beforehand?
Tbh, I wouldn’t go unless you were a close family member or very good friend.
It costs a lot of money to attend a wedding and I enjoy having wine with my dinner then a few drinks and dancing.
I am by no means an alcoholic but I like the taste of alcohol and I enjoy how a few drinks makes me feel.
I don’t drink very much but if I’m going out and I’ve spent a lot of money on a new outfit, shoes, hair, travel and possibly accommodation, then I want to enjoy myself and that includes having a few drinks.
I hope your day goes well and I wish your husband a continued sober journey.

This is a strange take. There is no obligation at all to announce to everyone that the groom has an alcohol problem.
"Please note for personal reasons, we've chosen to have an alcohol free wedding. We'll be having plenty of exciting AF options at the bar and delicious food (whatever whatever)".

Hopefully most nice invitees think "cool, can't wait to celebrate with you!"

If the invitee then gets nosey and judgemental going "oooh who's the alchie? Judgement judgement. Embarrassing for them. How's he going to cope in life then?" Gossip gossip... That is their issue.

You don't even have to say "for personal reasons" you can just say

"Please note our wedding will be an alcohol free event :)'

(And if someone asks you could just trot out the personal reasons line).

and he does live in the world. It's just one day, that's all. Hosts make decisions about what their guests eat, drink (or don't eat/drink) all of the time.

Monday weddings are to cut costs. No other reason, really.
I wouldn’t go as I’d be too busy thinking about having to get up for work the next day.

I had a dry wedding and have been to a couple of dry weddings. It's not a big deal. We provided sparking grape juice instead.

I would be a bit concerned if your DH felt he couldn't get through an event like this and without feeling he might be tempted to drink if it's there. You've made it clear you're not worried about that though, so up to you.

I’ll preface this by saying that I haven’t had a drink while out for 10+ years as I need to be able to get home quickly if needed (caring responsibilities). I’ve been to several weddings completely sober - and I even attended a stag do when I was pregnant! I’m not especially fussed by alcohol myself but I’ve got no issue being around family/friends who are drinking.

So personally a dry wedding wouldn’t bother me at all. But I do think it changes the atmosphere of a wedding and people will speculate. If you don’t provide any reason and simply say it’s alcohol-free, there’s likely to be more gossip. Some might think it’s because you’re a bit preachy. It really depends how much that bothers you?

Tbh though, with everything you’ve said, it doesn’t really sound as if you’re picking a wedding day that suits you. You don’t want alcohol, you don’t really like parties, and you don’t want a late night. By sticking to the traditional format of a disco and a dance floor (which is what you’ve described) with you and the groom sloping off early, no alcohol, and possibly guests leaving early evening to find a pub elsewhere, it all just sounds a bit flat.

I went to a friend’s wedding recently and it was more of a family funday, with a sweet bar for people to help themselves to, a BBQ, games, and fireworks. It was such a lovely, alternative structure - alcohol was available but unlike most weddings, no one was obviously smashed. I think the focus was so different, alcohol just didn’t seem that important.

I think something like that would suit you better. I think there’s a real risk you’ll have an empty dance floor and a flat atmosphere based on your current plans, especially as it doesn’t sound as if it’s something you’re going to enjoy that much yourselves anyway!

Not unreasonable but most will leave ro go celebrate elsewhere so be prepared to be left alone at the reception

Have you addressed your own alcohol problem?

Communicate ahead of time to avoid it being a vibe killer. People can plan to sneak a hip flask in then. A shorter, evening ceremony may work better than a long dsy.

Brits have got a strange relationship with alcohol. They are all low key alcoholics and can't seem to attend any event without alcohol. Most think it's perfectly fine to quiz people who don't drink, and try to make them feel bad.

Ignore the lot of them. Have your wedding how you want. The more people do it, the more used to it they will get. Maybe include the information on the invite though, so they know what to expect.

One of the loveliest weddings I've been to was alcohol free @PopItStar.

Do what works for you & your husband to be. You sound so very proud of him as you should be.

Best wishes for a great marriage ahead. It's an incredible strength that he is willing to stand out/go against the norm to stay committed to his mental health/addiction recovery.

In one way I have no issue I will drink if it is there but not bothered if it isnt and yes the bride and groom should have whatever wedding they want so fully up to you two

But people except alchohol and maybe they shouldnt but they do and if I am inviting people to an event of mine I want it to be about what they want it is not borstal but meant to be a fun event

And yes the puritans can go 'well people can have fun without alcohol' and yes people can if they choose to, but if i am going to want to control people that much I cant see the point of having the event in the first place

A morning wedding with a morning tea type reception sure I get no drink expect tea/coffee/juice whatever

and if we have no alchohol we can have no children weddings or a dress code but people complain about that too

This thread is 38 pages long so I’ll just say,

🎶It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to…🎶

Dear heart @PopItStaryou can do any ol’ thing you want at your wedding.

And if somebody complains? Just say,
”Oh that’s a shame. Perhaps our reception isn’t the party for you, then, since we aren’t serving any alcohol.”
It puts them on the back foot - it puts the whole thing on them.
Then they can decide not to attend over some stupid vodka or beer or they can decide to stay or leave.

But it takes ALL THE PRESSURE OFF YOU!!!

@PopItStar
Absolutely fine not to have alcohol at your wedding and I am glad you will be telling people beforehand so everyone will be clear and onboard with your plan.

Years ago, when I was younger, a distant relative had a dry wedding.
TBH this wedding is still talked about in family circles as one of the worst weddings ever. With hindsight, it was because no one knew it was going to be a dry wedding and people were going up to the bar ordering G&Ts / beer / wine etc and coming back with water / lemonade. It was an anticlimax for the guests.
Years later, we find out that the bride's sister is an alcoholic and that was why the wedding reception was dry.

You might want to have a phrase ready as to why you are having a dry wedding - people will assume that you are pregnant or he /you are an alcoholic, as like it or not, alcohol does play a part (to a greater or lesser extent) in British culture's celebrations

Your wedding
do what you like
Fantastic idea