To stick with an alcohol free wedding even if some people think it’s odd?

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Hi all. Slightly nervous posting as I read MN loads but don’t start threads much.

DP and I are getting married later this year. Nothing massive, about 70ish people, family and close friends mostly. We’re trying to keep it fairly simple and low key rather than a huge big production.

One thing we decided quite early on was that the wedding would be alcohol free. Properly alcohol free, not just limited drinks or whatever.

The reason is DP is a recovering alcoholic. He’s been sober for about 18 months now and has done really, really well. It hasn’t always been easy but he’s worked incredibly hard and life is just better all round now. Calmer, happier, all of that.

Before anyone suggests it, yes he’s completely on board with the idea. It was actually him who first said maybe we should just not have alcohol there at all. I agreed pretty quickly.

Also for context I don’t drink either. I barely drank anyway before all this, maybe the odd glass at a wedding or Christmas but that was about it. So giving it up wasn’t a big dramatic thing for me and I genuinely don’t miss it.

We were planning nice alcohol free cocktails, good food, music, the usual wedding things just without wine and prosecco etc.

Anyway I was chatting to a friend yesterday about the plans and mentioned the alcohol free bit. She doesn’t know about DP’s history.

Her reaction was basically “you can’t have a wedding without alcohol, people will expect it”. She said people might think it’s a bit strange or leave early if there’s no bar. She also suggested we could at least do wine with the meal or something.

I sort of laughed it off at the time but it’s been niggling at me since.

Part of me thinks it’s our wedding and surely adults can cope for one afternoon and evening without a drink. And if it helps DP feel completely relaxed on the day then that matters more than someone missing a glass of prosecco.

But equally I don’t want people thinking we’re being weird or tight or something when that’s not the reason at all.

We’re not planning on explaining DP’s situation to everyone either as that feels like his business.

So AIBU to stick with the alcohol free wedding and just leave it at that? Or should we reconsider having at least something available?

To be fair, if you are paying for your own drinks, some people may be annoyed not to have the freedom to spend their own money how they choose. I do get that point of view.
But it's one afternoon / evening and isn't a lot to ask.

Why wouldn’t you go to an alcohol free wedding? Isn’t seeing your friends make a commitment to each other more important than a couple of glasses of cheap Prosecco?

if you can’t manage a social event without alcohol then maybe you should be thinking about what your reliance on alcohol could be saying about you.

I, like many other British people, need alcohol to chat to strangers, dance etc. Is it healthy? No. Am I proud of it? No. Would I enjoy a wedding without it? Probably not if I'd been expecting alcohol but if I'd been warned in advance I'd be fine, and if I knew the reason why then I'd be completely supportive. I think you need to do one or the other though, springing the no alcohol free bit on people on the day without any explanation might not go down great. Also is it in a venue where people may try and either bring or buy their own booze?

In your position I would def be considering a daytime wedding with no evening party if you suspect it will be commented on. Yes people will say its your day but on the flip side, you cant really dictate what people drink, especially if there is a bar available on site.

I went to one similar like this as there were a few alcoholics on one side of the family. It flowed quite nicely tbh, although there was alcohol being consumed in the hotel bar. (Wedding and reception was in a seperate building with no bar set up) but as timings were limited noone got "drunk". 1pm start, ceremony, pictures, sit down meal and done by 6pm. Bride and groom then left for airport.

Is it sad as a society we expect alcohol, yes of course but weddings are the opportunity for dressing up and letting your hair down. Im not sure how many people would dance sober if you have a band. It generally goes hand in hand in those circumstances.

Wow, you may not have a traditional drunken fall out with guests!! Grins. I think it's a fine idea, it supports your hubby and at the end of the day it is your wedding.
Anyone who has an issue and doesn't want to come isn't going to be missed, surely?

Well, it used to be the norm. The bride and groom came to the wedding breakfast, went and changed into their going away clothes and departed on honeymoon, leaving the guests to party. In some cases, further back, the bride and groom departed on honeymoon straight from the church door, leaving the wedding breakfast to be held in their absence.

Well said. 👏

You need to decide what is going to be harder for DH… explaining simply to people beforehand that for personal reasons you won’t be having alcohol at the wedding OR having guests ask you and DH why you have no alcohol at the wedding on your wedding day.

Either way you are unfortunately have comments and curious people

People like to enjoy themselves in different ways. Some like to dance, some chat, some drink.

It's your wedding and you can choose to prohibit any or all of these.

But I think a lot of people see weddings as an opportunity to have a good time and that often involves alcohol. So don't be surprised if a load of subterfuge goes on. With people bringing their own booze, decamping to nearby pubs, leaving early or simply not turning up in the first place.

Also one final point, if you go to someone else's wedding that does allow alcohol, how are you going to cope with that ? Or are you just not going to go to any public gathering that involves alcohol in the future ?

I went to a wedding which was an afternoon tea and they hired lots of pretty old crockery, it was so cute, in marquees in a field, just a lot of fun and the band was there in the late afternoon, early evening, had a different vibe than an evening event.

We had an alcohol free wedding because I don’t believe alcohol should be legal, so there was absolutely no way I was going to allow people to drink at my wedding 😅

Nobody “wondered if either of us was an alcoholic” because we only invited people who knew us to our wedding, and everyone who knows us knows my views on alcohol. And nobody snuck off to find alcohol either, because they respected our views.

If you can’t have a good time without alcohol that’s on you.

I enjoy a drink but like the vast majority of people, can manage perfectly well without alcohol.

It's YOUR wedding.

This.

Adding to the chorus that if people can't enjoy a wedding or would be "majorly pissed off" to go to a sober wedding, that says a whole lot more about them than it does about you!

I think it would be good to include a couple of fun voluntary games or activities at the reception in case people don't know what to do with themselves and help people loosen up.

I would certainly let people know on the invitation.

Lots of weddings are boozy affairs so people plan their travel/childcare/accomodation accordingly.

If I knew it was alcohol-free, I’d plan to drive. I’d be fed up to have booked a cab if didn’t need to.

I think so long as people are warned it’s fine. People will have booked taxis and hotels on the assumption that they would have a couple and can’t drive home. When they could have done

It's a good idea and perfectly reasonable but yes, people will think it's odd and some people will be very disappointed and feel that you are imposing your choice on them. I'm afraid people will expect alcohol to be there. However, if you do go ahead with it, they may well soon forget they are missing alcohol and will just enjoy the occasion.

OK, your view. I do think it is forcing a certain behaviour on guests though. Food choices are different I think. Most people would accept a gorgeous veggie feast and not worry too much about lack of meat. In fact at any gathering I've been at, the veggie grub is gobbled by everyone, not just the vegetarians! I accept that if it is religious or cultural then not serving meat, or only halal or kosher etc. is not unusual, but then most guests would be of the same persuasion!

So "Come to our wedding, we are delighted to announce that the food will be vegetarian only and no alcohol will be served" I'd go alright but would leave after the meal. I only go to weddings for the fun element, not to sit there like a lemon amongst equally bored restless people dying for a drink! And I don't even drink ha ha.

Look, we all have our different views. Mine is that it IS dictating the terms, and I still feel that DP/DH will not have much practise in avoiding alcohol if it's out of sight and mind at every function he might attend. Having alcohol at their wedding would be the ultimate test of recovery!

I’d go to an alcohol free daytime wedding with no evening party.

1pm - 6pm would be my perfect wedding anyway. But if it goes on into the evening with no alcohol, I’d leave.

Yes and if I was DH I would be fed up of being asked “is there no alcohol?” On my wedding day

I don;t think it's a tricky decision at all. 100% have an alcohol free wedding. It's your day and he should not be under added pressure due to social norms.

I once had to organise a very big fundraiser for an organisation that worked with recovering alcoholics. We hired a cocktail waiter to make mocktails. It was a real talking point and everyone loved it.

Make sure the drinks are seriously good and that they are not all too sweet

Elderflower with fresh mint and sparkling water is a great substitute for champagne - it doesn't have to be as sweet as the ready mixed stuff.
Iced tea is refreshing - you could go for a Lady Grey or Earl Grey or fruit or floral teas.
Iced coffee
Virgin Marys
Apple juice with fresh squeezed or sliced ginger and sparkling water is delicious

Have iced bowls of cans of san pellegrinos, cokes and diet cokes, ginger beer etc

You could look into Nosecco and AF beers too.

Having been at a gorgeous wedding that was almost ruined by someone getting drunk, causing fights, damage and huge family ructions, I would happily go to alcohol free weddings from now on.

Sorry - I know you didn't ask for suggestions. I just think with some imagination it could be lovely and no one will get a hangover.

Are you genuinely that dependent on alcohol?

It's really sad to read how people can only have fun, let loose and dance of they have alcohol flowing through their veins. Why? Can people really not chill out without the hrlp of alcohol?

This is one day, not a request to give up booze forever! One night to see two people who clearly have gone through difficult times to be there, on the other side, ready to commit their lives to each others... And some people would choose not to go because they couldn't benefit from the effect of alcohol? How utterly selfish and sad!

I'm so torn on this. If I turned up and found out there wasn't even alcohol to buy myself, I think I'd honestly be a bit miffed (obviously would never expect it provided). If I knew in advance, and ideally knew your DP situation, I would be fine with it. Does your venue not have a bar and expect to sell drinks?

Enjoy themselves. Fight and get aggressive more like.
Wherever there's alcohol there can be tension.
Used to live opposite a pub.
Occasionally we used to watch groups spill out onto the street and argue and fight.

I've never seen people doing that outside my local leisure centre, where people are playing sport etc.