To stick with an alcohol free wedding even if some people think it’s odd?

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Hi all. Slightly nervous posting as I read MN loads but don’t start threads much.

DP and I are getting married later this year. Nothing massive, about 70ish people, family and close friends mostly. We’re trying to keep it fairly simple and low key rather than a huge big production.

One thing we decided quite early on was that the wedding would be alcohol free. Properly alcohol free, not just limited drinks or whatever.

The reason is DP is a recovering alcoholic. He’s been sober for about 18 months now and has done really, really well. It hasn’t always been easy but he’s worked incredibly hard and life is just better all round now. Calmer, happier, all of that.

Before anyone suggests it, yes he’s completely on board with the idea. It was actually him who first said maybe we should just not have alcohol there at all. I agreed pretty quickly.

Also for context I don’t drink either. I barely drank anyway before all this, maybe the odd glass at a wedding or Christmas but that was about it. So giving it up wasn’t a big dramatic thing for me and I genuinely don’t miss it.

We were planning nice alcohol free cocktails, good food, music, the usual wedding things just without wine and prosecco etc.

Anyway I was chatting to a friend yesterday about the plans and mentioned the alcohol free bit. She doesn’t know about DP’s history.

Her reaction was basically “you can’t have a wedding without alcohol, people will expect it”. She said people might think it’s a bit strange or leave early if there’s no bar. She also suggested we could at least do wine with the meal or something.

I sort of laughed it off at the time but it’s been niggling at me since.

Part of me thinks it’s our wedding and surely adults can cope for one afternoon and evening without a drink. And if it helps DP feel completely relaxed on the day then that matters more than someone missing a glass of prosecco.

But equally I don’t want people thinking we’re being weird or tight or something when that’s not the reason at all.

We’re not planning on explaining DP’s situation to everyone either as that feels like his business.

So AIBU to stick with the alcohol free wedding and just leave it at that? Or should we reconsider having at least something available?

18 months is early in recovery.

70 people is a big wedding. So invitees will ask lots of questions if it’s ‘dry’. It’s unrealistic to hope to keep DP’s information private.

Would be prepared to explain the reason openly, or have a much smaller guest list with only those you’re OK with having the information.

Stick to your guns. I wouldn't bat an eyelid at someone saying their wedding would be alcohol free. It's not a big deal.

I would address it head on, if your DP is OK with it - recovery is nothing to be ashamed of.

E,g in small letters at the bottom of the invite "we are celebrating our marriage along with XX's successful journey into recovery with an alcohol free wedding, and hope yu will be happy to celebrate with us"

Alcohol ( and to a lesser extent drug use) is just so centered in our culture ( white British middle class) personally I think that is sad.

I can’t imagine booze being more important than witnessing the marriage of people I care about. I wouldn’t swerve an alcohol-free wedding.

It’s fine to not have alcohol. But I would think about all the kinds of probing questions you’ll get from guests and prepare your answers to them. Rehearse what you’ll say and practice saying it with confidence.

Consider how to politely cut them off if they go too far.

Have a wonderful day!

Stick with it- it's your wedding, so you both get to choose to do it your way. If someone is unwilling to go without a drink for a few hours, they aren't worth having. Just enjoy your lovely day.
My cousin had a no alcohol wedding as his wife's very religious and her denomination don't drink. It didn't matter, we had fizzy elderflower for the toast and it was lovely.

As much as many people I know would have no problem with the OP having an alcohol free wedding, the 'getting bladdered' hyperbole sounds a bit silly.

Plenty of people can drink without doing this.

first what is the venue, is it a hotel type place where there is a bar? If so how would you stop people having alcohol or could they?

second, I’m not much of a drinker but if I was travelling to the place, and staying over, I’d find it more difficult being at a alcohol free wedding. The car is parked my responsibility ends here I’m here for the fun type thing.

I’ve been to one alcohol free wedding due to no licence at the venue, and 18 year old me was horrified. Much older me would be less so, but some guests for whatever reason would find harder than others.

ultimately though do what’s best for you and the groom and well done to him. You want the day to be as happy as possible for you and if the alcohol is a risk or will dampen - don’t do.

I think many people will ask for your reasoning behind it, be prepared to have an answer. Personally I would just own it and say ‘Jack is in recovery’. And leave it at that. People will then respect that.

25 years ago I worked in a posh hotel and there was one wedding where the bride’s parents banned any booze from being sold at the reception. It was awkward. People kept ordering say ‘2 pints of fosters and 2 white wines’ We kept having to say ‘sorry no alcohol’. They argued back and said ‘it’s just no wine on the tables’, and bar staff had to say ‘No, no alcohol all day’. It was a beautiful sunny day and it didn’t go down well with guests at all. Rather than sipping Pimms on the lawn in all their finery, there was a lot of Diet Coke sold. I think people felt, providing they were paying for it themselves, they could drink what they like. As weddings go, it was very demure with a lot of people grumbling under their breath.

If you want a civilised, quiet affair I don’t think it’ll be a problem, but I think you need to tell people. If you want a good old knees up, with people dancing, that’ll be a big ask with no booze.

Just put on the invites that you and DH are sober therefore no alcohol will be served and you hope tpur guests respect that. Being sober is very trendy it is likely that it will be boomers/ old gen Xers who think it is in anyway unusual.

I don't think YABU at all. It'd be a sad day that I turn down a wedding invite because there's no alcohol☹️.
If you're surrounded by folks who can't be without a drink, the afternoon tea idea upthread sounds a good one.

Yes, I think that's what I'd do in the OP's shoes -- centre the wedding reception around an afternoon meal at which alcohol would not usually feature, and end it before cocktail hour.

I think it’s a perfectly valid choice and the right choice for you and your husband.
People will find it weird so tell them in advance. The ´for personal reasons the wedding will be alcohol free’ line is perfect. If people ask for more details you can tell them without going into massive detail - husband decided he was drinking too much and it was detrimental to his health so he decided to stop completely and you also stopped to support him. People might not ask because there are plenty of other reasons why you might want an alcohol free wedding. Children of alcoholics, another who had a recent horrible experience with a drunk person, anyone involved or connected to a crash caused by drink-driving. I wouldn’t automatically assume the bride or groom was a recovering alcoholic.
People might leave earlier and dance less without alcohol. But you’ll also likely skip the possibility of guests having alcohol fueled arguments or fights and of annoying vomiting or otherwise making a nuisance of themselves.

I suspect this is also a bit of a generational thing. I don't drink and have had most fuss from people in their 40s/50s and older; for people in their 20s/30s it's quite trendy to be sober or sober curious.

I would go for it with the brief "for personal reasons" explanation.

Yes go for the alcohol free wedding! It's a great idea. And it's your wedding that you are paying for and people are attending to celebrate you! You get to decide what it will be like. I hope you have a wonderful time.

I'd suggest really going for it with the alcohol free drinks options, like really great 0% beer, kombucha, tonics like Botivo etc etc. Not just sugary things!

And maybe having some other things to help people let thier hair down like games (corn hole, skittles?), a photo booth, etc

Why,have they got a drink problem then?

It's a brilliant idea OP.
Your likely to get less trouble also.

I've been to alcohol-free weddings and they're fine. It's the bride & groom's day.
They were afternoon reception ones with no evening party.

Neither me nor DP drink so we’d love to attend an alcohol-free wedding.
It’s a lovely idea anyway but even more so with your DP in recovery.
Stick to your guns, it’s yours and your husband-to-be’s wedding day, so alcohol-free absolutely makes sense for someone in recovery.
The guests are there to celebrate the couple, not to get pissed, so if they complain, they’re going for the wrong reasons!

Yes, like PP I was wondering if it’s a venue where you’ll not be serving alcohol in the room you’ve hired but the main bar downstairs will be open as usual. Are you forbidding people from nipping out to buy their own booze?

Oh I feel nervous for you OP. Are you sure you want to marry an alcoholic? Doesn't he need to be sober for a bit more than 18 months?

Everyone will assume someone is a recovering alcoholic if no alcohol, unless a Muslim wedding or something. I think you need to think about the timings of the day. Weddings are often from about 14:00 to after midnight. That's a long time anyway but booze is what usually gets people on the dancefloor.

I get it. I get your reasons. And I have been to a wedding of a recovering alcoholic but there was booze for the guests. Unless you know all your guests very well, I would keep it to a smaller wedding over a shorter period of time.

Once an alcoholic ... I for one never drink alcohol in front of my close friend who has been alcohol free for many years now. The stress of a wedding could put OPs DP back, no matter how long they postpone their wedding as you suggest.

I drink but would be happy to go to an alcohol free wedding - I have been to a nunber of AF weddings over the years (generally those of Muslim friends).

However if your family and friendship circle are drinkers and have known you and your DH to be as drinkers, it would probably make life easier for you to note on the invite "due to personal choice/circumsrances alcohol will not be served at the reception. Thank you for your understanding." I think most decent people would realise that it was due to addiction issues and would quietly respect your choice.

would probably wonder if the bride or groom had an alcohol problem and it would make me feel a little sad for them. Unfortunately I suspect you will have people escaping to try and find booze
Oh the irony! You'd feel sad for people choosing a life without alcohol but think people can't have fun without the reliance on alcohol?

The latter is much sadder! Enjoying alcohol is one thing. Thinking that you can't have a great day of celebration without the need of alcohol is quite depressing!

OP, you'll see who your true friends are, that's a bonus!

Honestly, I think your friend is right.

If you really want it to be alcohol free, then I’d change the plan and have a much shorter event, with a nice afternoon tea.

Regardless of what pp say, alcohol is expected at a wedding here. I’d be majorly pissed off if I got to a wedding and there was only soft drinks