To stick with an alcohol free wedding even if some people think it’s odd?

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Hi all. Slightly nervous posting as I read MN loads but don’t start threads much.

DP and I are getting married later this year. Nothing massive, about 70ish people, family and close friends mostly. We’re trying to keep it fairly simple and low key rather than a huge big production.

One thing we decided quite early on was that the wedding would be alcohol free. Properly alcohol free, not just limited drinks or whatever.

The reason is DP is a recovering alcoholic. He’s been sober for about 18 months now and has done really, really well. It hasn’t always been easy but he’s worked incredibly hard and life is just better all round now. Calmer, happier, all of that.

Before anyone suggests it, yes he’s completely on board with the idea. It was actually him who first said maybe we should just not have alcohol there at all. I agreed pretty quickly.

Also for context I don’t drink either. I barely drank anyway before all this, maybe the odd glass at a wedding or Christmas but that was about it. So giving it up wasn’t a big dramatic thing for me and I genuinely don’t miss it.

We were planning nice alcohol free cocktails, good food, music, the usual wedding things just without wine and prosecco etc.

Anyway I was chatting to a friend yesterday about the plans and mentioned the alcohol free bit. She doesn’t know about DP’s history.

Her reaction was basically “you can’t have a wedding without alcohol, people will expect it”. She said people might think it’s a bit strange or leave early if there’s no bar. She also suggested we could at least do wine with the meal or something.

I sort of laughed it off at the time but it’s been niggling at me since.

Part of me thinks it’s our wedding and surely adults can cope for one afternoon and evening without a drink. And if it helps DP feel completely relaxed on the day then that matters more than someone missing a glass of prosecco.

But equally I don’t want people thinking we’re being weird or tight or something when that’s not the reason at all.

We’re not planning on explaining DP’s situation to everyone either as that feels like his business.

So AIBU to stick with the alcohol free wedding and just leave it at that? Or should we reconsider having at least something available?

Obviously your reasons are sound for not wanting alcohol at your wedding, and it is your wedding so you can do whatever you chose.

But bear in mind if you are having a disco/band people there wont be as much dancing, and also people will start to drift off home quite early.

If you let people know if advance someone will definitely sneak something in.

I completely see where you are coming from, but I agree with PP that it might be better to switch up the format. Unfortunately alcohol does add to the fun when it comes to socialising and dancing. If it didn't, no one would drink.

She clearly said she would feel sad if they had an alcohol problem, not because they weren’t drinking. Don’t do that thing where PP purposely get the wrong end of the stick in order to put the boot in. It’s deeply unattractive, not to mention obvious.

Your wedding, your rules, but I guarantee that someone will sneak some in!! How will you deal with that?

You are definitely not being unreasonable, but unfortunately, there are people who can't have a good time without drinking alcohol.

I suggest you have a morning wedding ceremony followed by a lunchtime reception.

Then you and your husband can go off somewhere nice and the guests who can't go a day without a drink will have the rest of the afternoon and evening to get as pissed as they like.

If you want to, you can leave some money behind the bar, or a few bottles of champagne for guests to enjoy when you have gone.

In the past, it was normal for the bride and groom to leave the wedding reception before their guests and some people still follow this custom, so it shouldn't seem strange, especially for older guests.

Yeah I think this a bit too. It's fine not to provide it or have it on the tables but I do wonder if guests going to the bar wanting to buy drinks will feel blindsided if they can't - potentially because they have left there kids at home, brought new clothing to wear, maybe paid for a hotel away, a gift etc and then then not allowed to buy the drink of their choice with there own money.

I don't drink so it would be fine for me personally, but I also think it might be better to adapt the type of event to this parameter- so I'd have an afternoon ceremony and cream tea, with beautiful china and not an all out evening party as most people will require drink to get up and start dancing!

Sounds like a great idea. Agree with others that it’s worth mentioning ahead to guests in case it affects travel plans etc. I’m surprised by how many people think guests might smuggle drinks in!

You could also consider the shape of the day. The traditional drinks/dinner/dancing is built around people drinking but of course you free to have anything you want if this doesn’t work for you. Could have things earlier and afternoon tea (this would be my dream wedding, alcohol or not).

Wouldn’t bother me, but I defo know people who would be bothered. Tell people up front for sure (you choose the reasons), and be prepared for people to turn up with hip flasks (or larger handbags than expected). Depends on your friendship group, but here in Scotland I’ve never been to or heard of a dry wedding! It would defo be a talking point, and yes, people would assume someone had a ‘problem’. Not a reason not to do it though, it’s your day to do your way.

As an enthusiastic drinker I couldn’t disagree with you more. I wouldn’t leave a great gathering of friends and family because I couldn’t have a drink!

And I think it’s perfectly fine to “impose your choices” on others at your own wedding - same as it’s fine to have a vegetarian wedding if you’re vegetarian, etc. It would be different if the OP and her fiancé were insisting that all events they ever went to were teetotal - but they’re not. It’s their own wedding.

No problem as far as I'm concerned. Maybe it's just me, but I'd thank you from the bottom of my heart for an invite to a drink free wedding, given the cost of alcohol now, and it means people can drive there and back, so no crippling taxi fares.
Go for it!

It's unusual but so is jumping out of a plane in your wedding dress and people do that.

I think it's a great idea and think you should stick to your guns 100%.

You may however need to be prepared to explain why this is your choice, even if you don't disclose everything. Otherwise you may get some ignorant guests who think you are just being cheap and offer to pay for their own drinks.

People will definitely expect alcohol, and I hate to say it but I would potentially leave a wedding early if there was nothing to drink. Not because I need alcohol to have fun, but because having a drink and a dance is the best bit of a wedding for me. If it were me I would change up the format of the wedding, so that there is more entertainment for the guests, if I wanted an alcohol free wedding.

Drinking alcohol is the only thing that gets me through a boring wedding!

I think a few posters are focusing on the groom being unable to be around alcohol, but tbf even if he was twenty years sober with zero temptations - it's really, really boring to be a sober person around drunk people, and fair enough if the couple don't want to do that on their wedding day. I went to a AF wedding that wasn't for religious reasons, more that the couple had young children and neither really drank, the party was mid afternoon at a venue with no licence (more community hall type place) there was loads of food, lots of kids, games, live band and done by about 8pm, was great!

It wouldn’t worry me much, though I would prefer to be prewarned, I enjoy a drink and my assumption is I can relax and enjoy a drink at a wedding. I’m sure I’d still enjoy the event. I would immediately assume one or both of the bride and groom had a serious alcohol problem, whether or not the guests are told why it’s alcohol free. I rarely dance unless I’ve had a drink, so extrapolating that (though I know it’s not a universal thing) I suspect the event would be quieter and less rowdy than many weddings, which could be a brilliant thing.

Yanbu its your wedding. But it is very unusual and I would assume it was alcohol free because someone in the wedding party had/has a real major issue with alcohol.

Im not sure about letting people know though, if they know in advance I'd absolutely expect some to sneak in some cans of pre mix gins or mini vodkas etc.

Although, if I got a taxi to a wedding because I was having a drink id be a bit annoyed at wasting the money.

Also consider where it is, if its in a place with another bar expect people might still wander off to get a drink from there.

Or if in a hotel they might just pop away to their room.

If near a shop they might go and buy some....

Suppose what im actually saying is I guess you can say its alcohol free, whether it actually is......

I don't really respect anyone who would go to someone else's event and moan about a lack of booze. It is entirely the host's choice whether to serve alcohol, and if someone can't enjoy themselves without it, they need to be having a chat with their GP. If you are concerned that it might be a talking point, then a pre-warning might be a good idea, as PP have suggested, but don't be bullied into serving alcohol if you don't want to.
Well done to your future DH for admitting his issue and taking steps to address it - so many people don't.
Best wishes for a lovely day, and a wonderful life together.

I think it’s a great idea. More people should have an alcohol-free wedding. Latest research shows that even small amounts are bad for you. It’s pretty evil stuff.

You should probably say, like a PP said, that it will be alcohol free for personal reasons. People are more likely to understand that way. It will be quite clear that one of you is an alcoholic, though.

I was married to someone in recovery, and he had no issue with someone drinking around him. Like another PP, I do wonder if his recovery might need more time, if he needs not to be in the same room as alcohol.

Exactly what I was going to say. I don't think there is any problem with having an alcohol free wedding, but I would make sure people know in advance.

I agree with the majority - it's lovely that you're supporting him and of course people shouldn't need alcohol to enjoy a party but the expectation is there and people will assume there's drinking. I'd want to know in advance as we could then drive and avoid a hotel stay / expensive late taxi or whatever.

I like the morning + lunch idea and very much love the afternoon tea theme. Going to a beautiful outdoor afternoon tea with lots of my favourite people and being home in time to get the kids to bed sounds like a delightful day.

you should say something ahead of time though as otherwise the staff there will be fielding awkward questions the entire time.

surely the whole point of your wedding day is to celebrate the day with friends and family? The bride & groom buggering off mid afternoon to leave everyone behind is a very odd thing to do and would defeat point of the day for me.

Firstly, massive congratulations to your OH!
And well done to you both for standing your ground on an alcohol free wedding…..why people need to get rat arsed, pissed, or totally leathered to have a good time amazes me!
There’s so many alcohol free options available now too.
Finally, just want to wish you both all the best for your future.

I had limited alcohol at my wedding. My husband and I are not big drinkers and we had people driving and pregnant attending. The cocktail bar was alcohol free. This meant no would be worried they had accidentally had a cocktail with alcohol in it. I certainly never received any negative comments about it, only positive comments. Cocktails can still be fun without alcohol.
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It's unusual so I would make sure to warn people in advance otherwise you'll be getting questions about it all night.

Last thing your.DP will want is everyone going on about where's the wine on his wedding day.