Mum keeping whole of grandmother’s inheritance

[Virgoschild]

My maternal grandmother passed around 4 years ago without a will. My mum was dealing with the estate and tbh the passing is still very raw for her.

It was clear that proceeds of my grandmothers property would be split between her daughters (my mum and aunty) and there was going to be about £15k misc assets/cash which was promised (by my mum and aunty) to be split between all the ‘grandchildren’ I.e. me, my brother and 2 cousins. we’d get about £4k each.

Anyway, these assets were valued and came in at £100k (not £15k!). These have been sold and my mum and aunty have kept the proceeds. Grandchildren have received nothing and it does not appear that we will be receiving anything. There has been no further conversation about this. No acknowledgment of what was promised or any increase discussed.

Instead, my mum has mentioned ‘treating’ us now and again. Paying for a meal out or getting us gifts such as jewellery. For context, these gifts arent expensive or frequent and there is absolutely no indication that she’ll be gifting us stuff to the value of the above btw.

My mum is financially stable. No mortgage, recently retired, decent pension, my dad still works. My aunty is in a similar position. The inheritance hasn’t really made a significant impact on their lives.

A large lump sum could really change all our lives. It could go towards a deposit for a house or pay privately for an operation that my brother is on a NHS waiting list for - tbf more cosmetic than health related. So when we were told about the increase in value we all got really excited thinking what this means to us all.

I feel angry that my mum didn’t follow through on this. Coupled with the fact that we haven’t been gifted anything of meaning from my grandmothers possessions I am feeling somewhat resentful.

I don’t feel like I can raise it with my mum either without looking like an awful money grabbing daughter. I feel like the conversation just wouldn’t go well, especially as my mum is still so upset by the death.

So AIBU? Also if anyone has any insight which might help me understand my mums position, I’d appreciate it.

Are you 100% sure there was no will? You can find them online.

Was there a will which clearly outlined your entitlement? Otherwise how would you know about what was promised?
if so, I would approach your mum and aunty with your cousins
I’d get legal advice as well - your mum and aunty have not behaved well

Any chance you call all sit down and have a proper chat about the situation? It may be that they didn't mind sharing when the misc items were less than 20k but 100k would go to anybody's head. You might be able to reach a compromise. Try to stay open minded. Best of luck 🍀

It actually says in the OP there is no will!

This means the money all belongs to your mum and aunt. It is a shame they don't want to help you out, but it's totally their choice.

You need to diplomatically ask her why she’s changed her mind, and explain you were hoping for that sum to help with a house deposit etc.

Who promised you the money? Your mother or your granny?

If there’s no will it’s your mum and aunty’s money. I got no money from any of my grandparents - huge estates worth £m and none of my parents or aunts and uncles “needed” the money. Sadly in my case my parents didn’t outlive my grandparents very long so it all came my and my sisters way soon enough but meanwhile my cousins have all been getting into debt and racking up huge mortgages etc while aunts and uncles invest the cash. All perfectly legal. If someone doesn’t make a will it’s what happens.

but as per pp, do check there IS no will….

Why not? If there was no will then they have acted in accordance with the law. Why should they act on what the grandmother may or may not have declared that her wishes were? OP should concentrate on building her own life using her own means. I do find her attitude grabby.

If there was no will and this was a decision made by your mum and aunty, it doesn’t seem like there’s much you can do, though I can understand your frustration. Maybe try having a calm and non-accusatory conversation with your mum to see what she’s thinking.

I wondered that too.

If there is no will, the two daughters can follow the intestate rules and there's little you can do. Lesson learnt. Make sure you have a will.

There was no will so you had no entitlement to anything.

If your mum promised that you would be getting £4k, can't you just say "hey mum, you know you said that we would each be getting £4k from grandma's estate... any idea when we will receive that, as it would really help with my financial planning".

If your grandmother didn't make a will, she knew she was leaving it up to her kids to disperse as they chose. It sounds like she made promises but chose not to make what she said legally binding for her own reasons.

It says in the OP that it was promised by mum and aunty. Not the grandmother.

She didn't make any promises, based on what the OP has said.

Mum and aunt apparently made promises at the time which they don't seem to have kept.

It's easy to think 'oh yes I'll give X to the grandchildren' when you are at the beginning of the process, but your mum is probably exhausted from all of it and perhaps there is less than she expected. If she's only got 50k odd after 4 years of admin and hassle, it's understandable that her and her sister might have changed their minds.

Either way, you can't say or do anything. Just make sure you have your own will in place!

Unfortunately if your gran wanted you to have something, money or assets etc, she would have made that clear in a will.

If there wasn't a will then you're not legally entitled to anything.

Perhaps your mum has ‘helped you out’ numerous times and therefore thinks you’ve been helped out enough.

Whatever was promised, and by whom, if there is no will you don't get anything. That is what a will is for.

There was no will. Under the rules of intestacy, the deceased's children inherit equally (assuming she had no spouse).

Why has she not behaved well?

Where there's a will, there's a way

😉

Sorry

But yeah op, that's rubbish but your ma can do what she pleases with her money

I think you need to raise it with her. Worry less about how it looks and put your own thoughts and feelings first. Maybe get some help in the best way to frame it to her (counselling Cha GPt) and think about the outcomes you want

I think a lot of posters are missing the point. OP knows that legally she's not entitled to anything, but the issue is her mother and her aunt both said the grandchildren would get a share of the c£15k assets. Not following through on that promise is the issue.

I promised my DC some money from my small inheritance when my mother died. I gave them the money. It would have been shitty not to after raising their expectations. I don't blame OP for being upset about this.

Is it worth the consequences of raising it? Would she give it in good spirit if you talked about it, or would it spoil your relationship?

You didnt know it was so much money, so only thought you might get it momentarily. You haven't lost anything.