Mum keeping whole of grandmother’s inheritance

[Virgoschild]

My maternal grandmother passed around 4 years ago without a will. My mum was dealing with the estate and tbh the passing is still very raw for her.

It was clear that proceeds of my grandmothers property would be split between her daughters (my mum and aunty) and there was going to be about £15k misc assets/cash which was promised (by my mum and aunty) to be split between all the ‘grandchildren’ I.e. me, my brother and 2 cousins. we’d get about £4k each.

Anyway, these assets were valued and came in at £100k (not £15k!). These have been sold and my mum and aunty have kept the proceeds. Grandchildren have received nothing and it does not appear that we will be receiving anything. There has been no further conversation about this. No acknowledgment of what was promised or any increase discussed.

Instead, my mum has mentioned ‘treating’ us now and again. Paying for a meal out or getting us gifts such as jewellery. For context, these gifts arent expensive or frequent and there is absolutely no indication that she’ll be gifting us stuff to the value of the above btw.

My mum is financially stable. No mortgage, recently retired, decent pension, my dad still works. My aunty is in a similar position. The inheritance hasn’t really made a significant impact on their lives.

A large lump sum could really change all our lives. It could go towards a deposit for a house or pay privately for an operation that my brother is on a NHS waiting list for - tbf more cosmetic than health related. So when we were told about the increase in value we all got really excited thinking what this means to us all.

I feel angry that my mum didn’t follow through on this. Coupled with the fact that we haven’t been gifted anything of meaning from my grandmothers possessions I am feeling somewhat resentful.

I don’t feel like I can raise it with my mum either without looking like an awful money grabbing daughter. I feel like the conversation just wouldn’t go well, especially as my mum is still so upset by the death.

So AIBU? Also if anyone has any insight which might help me understand my mums position, I’d appreciate it.

It says in the OP that her mother and Aunty promised to split the assets with the grandchildren

I think it’s worth a shot talking to your mum that you would appreciate some of that money - how do you think she’d react to that?

I do mean this kindly when I say that your grandmother could have made provision in a will for you, your siblings and cousins, but for whatever reason, chose not to.

Apart from the fact they promised you money, they didn't do anything wrong. Money and assets pass down to the next generation unless in the will, so your aunt and mum were entitled to keep the assets. If there were items of sentimental value, such as jewelry, you'll get this eventually anyway when your mum passes. I think they shouldn't have promised you something though, and then not followed through.

Pretty poor behaviour on your mum and aunt’s part to have promised (as I think says in your OP) and then not followed through. Even if it wasn’t a massive amount, eg. the original 4k implied rather than a big amount, it’s the principle of it.
YANBU to feel hurt and resentful but equally you don’t know their circumstances or intentions without speaking to them and they haven’t acted illegally, just mean in my opinion.

I would expect her to follow through with gifting you the 4k but not the 100k divided up because they clearly wouldn't have promised that much. Why don't you ask her about it though?

But how would that change anything? Still cant make her mum pay out even if her aunt has.

I couldn’t do that to my kids, there was £85k that was unexpected and not needed by the mum, why wouldn’t you share it out between the grandchildren, it’s so hard to get on to the property ladder or afford anything really, I’d be so happy to give them a £25k gift each from their late gran, especially as it wasn’t expected.
sorry but sounds like greed on the mum/aunties side.

If there was no will, then you haven’t got a leg to stand on. Hopefully, your mum will be kind. She doesn’t have to do a thing, but I shared my inheritances with my kids.

If there was no will then she isn’t obliged to give you anything. You need to let it go.

Even if the mum promised?

No.

The mum's promise means nothing.

I think your mum has behaved really badly. I was due to receive a decent sum from my mum and promised to give some to my children for house deposits and that is what I did.

Obviously legally she doesn’t have to, but it’s a really mean trick to play on your own children. I can’t believe anyone thinks this is okay.
It’s obviously eating away at you op, so personally I would say something.

Legal advice would be a complete waste of money. The estate has been distributed according to the law.

My mum would have given us the money, well or no will. I can’t get my head round parents who don’t want to help their adult children get a good start life yes I can afford it. It would give me so much pleasure to be able to help my kids out with a house deposit.

It literally says in the very first sentence of the OP that there was no will

but you were never promised "a large lump sum" in the first place. You were only ever told you'd get a bit under £4k.

Yes, it's annoying that your mother has gone back on that, but I don't think it's worth getting upset about things like a house deposit when you were never actually told you were going to get that sort of money in the first place. If your grandmother had cared that strongly about her GC getting the money rather than her children, she would have made a will. Chances are you will be getting some of it, at some point anyway, but right now, legally, it's your mums and your aunts. It's not as though it's just your mum denying her DC, your aunt seems to have made the same decision.

Perhaps they'll change their minds at some point when they've moved on a little bit past their immediately stage of grieving and the admin faff of going through probate. By all means have a polite conversation with your mum, if you want to just get an understanding of her rationale. Maybe tie it into a general conversation about her finances generally, if there's anything you need to know, whether she wants to think about a POA at any point, etc.

Unfortunately there's not a lot you can do if there was no will, you could speak to your mum about it and just ask her but she may have changed her mind or maybe could no longer honour her promise so you might have to be prepared for that.

I think what is really interesting is that the change of heart seems to have come after it was discovered that the amount was greater than expected.

Are there any spendthrift grandchildren op? Perhaps they felt a properly "useful" sum ought to be invested and grown.

In any case, if there is no Will the intestacy rules prevail.

You're family.

I dont understand why you haven't just asked Hey Mum, you know you said we'd get that 4k? Well I could really do with it. Am I getting it? No worries if not but just wanted to know?

And then you'll know.

Interesting because I have money earmarked for my DC from an inheritance. Which I'll give them when I'm good and ready, when I think they're ready to receive it and do something sensible with it. I know people will say you can't give a gift with conditions, which is why I haven't given it yet.

I haven't told them it's coming their way and afaik, they don't consider the fact that I inherited to mean they're entitled to some. I know OP appears to have been promised it, but lots of people seem to think it should automatically be passed on. The mother will have her reasons.

It brings to mind Jane Austin's Sense and Sensibility where John and Fanny Dashwood talk about their moral obligation to look after the family. They talk down from a handsome sum to basically nothing (occasional gifts) with lots of self serving arguments.

It would be good to understand how your mum went from gifting the lot to you to nothing especially as the inheritance was so much larger than expected. Maybe it's because it's so much larger.

I'd give my DC £4000 to spend (or waste) as they see fit, much more easily than I'd give them a life changing sum to fritter away, even if it was all money I didn't need.

This. Cant understand why they wouldn't help you all out.

If there was no will, the estate would have been divided under intestate laws which means your mum and her sister get 50% of the estate each.

Your mum kindly suggested that she could give you some of the money from the portion that she received. Since then she has obviously changed her mind and has decided that she would rather treat you now and again than give you a lump of cash.

That is absolutely her prerogative. It's her money, to do what she likes with.

I feel angry that my mum didn’t follow through on this. Coupled with the fact that we haven’t been gifted anything of meaning from my grandmothers possessions I am feeling somewhat resentful.

You were not entitled to anything. Your resentment is ill placed and not worth falling out over. You were not left anything in the will because there was no will so just accept that, let go of the anger and get on with your life.