Mum keeping whole of grandmother’s inheritance

[Virgoschild]

My maternal grandmother passed around 4 years ago without a will. My mum was dealing with the estate and tbh the passing is still very raw for her.

It was clear that proceeds of my grandmothers property would be split between her daughters (my mum and aunty) and there was going to be about £15k misc assets/cash which was promised (by my mum and aunty) to be split between all the ‘grandchildren’ I.e. me, my brother and 2 cousins. we’d get about £4k each.

Anyway, these assets were valued and came in at £100k (not £15k!). These have been sold and my mum and aunty have kept the proceeds. Grandchildren have received nothing and it does not appear that we will be receiving anything. There has been no further conversation about this. No acknowledgment of what was promised or any increase discussed.

Instead, my mum has mentioned ‘treating’ us now and again. Paying for a meal out or getting us gifts such as jewellery. For context, these gifts arent expensive or frequent and there is absolutely no indication that she’ll be gifting us stuff to the value of the above btw.

My mum is financially stable. No mortgage, recently retired, decent pension, my dad still works. My aunty is in a similar position. The inheritance hasn’t really made a significant impact on their lives.

A large lump sum could really change all our lives. It could go towards a deposit for a house or pay privately for an operation that my brother is on a NHS waiting list for - tbf more cosmetic than health related. So when we were told about the increase in value we all got really excited thinking what this means to us all.

I feel angry that my mum didn’t follow through on this. Coupled with the fact that we haven’t been gifted anything of meaning from my grandmothers possessions I am feeling somewhat resentful.

I don’t feel like I can raise it with my mum either without looking like an awful money grabbing daughter. I feel like the conversation just wouldn’t go well, especially as my mum is still so upset by the death.

So AIBU? Also if anyone has any insight which might help me understand my mums position, I’d appreciate it.

Your mother shouldn't have told you she was going to gift you £4k and then not do so, presuming it was still within her means. I wouldn't risk an estrangement over £4k though, most likely money will come to you eventually when your mother dies (if not swallowed up by care home fees before that).

However, you went from talking about £4k to a large lump sum for a house deposit. That was NEVER what was offered, so I think you need to get saving yourself on that front.

Not everyone has the sort of relationship with parents which allows them to talk about money. My DM was always secretive about money.

As a reaction I am open with my adult DCs. If I promise to give them money then I give it to them when I promised to give it. No game playing.

If you are left money, or it comes to you through inheritance, you aren't 'grabbing' it. It's yours. If others say, well you don't need it, and actually it would be great if I had it instead, that's 'grabbing'.

Exactly.
I get it, @Virgoschild . My wealthy childless uncle promised my dad he'd "look after" me and sibling in his will. He didn't. Sibling and I both went through very tough times financially and any windfall would have made a huge difference. We didn't feel entitled, it just would have been better not to have been given that false promise.
A close relative promised to leave my kids a decent amount of money in their will. They left them (and me) nothing.

What hurts is the broken promise - you have the feeling of gratitude that they would give you that gift, and the hope that you can use the gift to make things better, only to find that it wasn't real.

You mentioned your mum is still very raw about dealing with the estate.

im wondering if debt appeared that was unexpected or that your mum felt was unjust and she was left to sort the mess out by herself.

it might explain her position somewhat…

When my DM was sorting through GM’s estate she found out a non bio grandchild had taken her to a solicitor and had the will slightly altered. As DM was the main care giver, she was aggrieved that this occurred when the GC had little to do with GM on a weekly or monthly basis anyhow.

All your points, plus it gives the estate a decent tax break

I see where you’re coming from especially when they both said you’d get the share and then none of you got it.
even had they given you the amount they first expected.
id sit down with her and just say something like “you know when you said that we’d get the share of grans assets, well I know it was worth a lot more, but are you not going to stand by the original offer of what you thought it was worth? Only if I’d known you would back down, I’d have kept something from grans items, but as you said we were getting the money, I would have liked to have purchased something in her memory”

Hopefully your mum and aunt will have invested the £100k wisely and when your mum passes she will leave you a nice amount. If your grandmother left no will then, word of mouth means nothing.

Yep, hopefully it will pay the IHT due when the mum and aunt pass after they broke their promise.

You are absolutely unreasonable. Get over yourself. And the money. If she wanted you to have it there would have been a will to say so.

If there's no will, the estate (which means the value of their house, savings and possessions) are divided according to intestacy laws in the UK, and if there us no spouse, the value is divided between any surviving children.
So it seems the mother of OP and her aunt have received the value in accordance to the law.
It would have been nice if your DM had offered you some kind of moments from the belongings, but she is not obliged to.
You can check if there was a will (or admin) on the Gov website regarding probate.