Mum keeping whole of grandmother’s inheritance

[Virgoschild]

My maternal grandmother passed around 4 years ago without a will. My mum was dealing with the estate and tbh the passing is still very raw for her.

It was clear that proceeds of my grandmothers property would be split between her daughters (my mum and aunty) and there was going to be about £15k misc assets/cash which was promised (by my mum and aunty) to be split between all the ‘grandchildren’ I.e. me, my brother and 2 cousins. we’d get about £4k each.

Anyway, these assets were valued and came in at £100k (not £15k!). These have been sold and my mum and aunty have kept the proceeds. Grandchildren have received nothing and it does not appear that we will be receiving anything. There has been no further conversation about this. No acknowledgment of what was promised or any increase discussed.

Instead, my mum has mentioned ‘treating’ us now and again. Paying for a meal out or getting us gifts such as jewellery. For context, these gifts arent expensive or frequent and there is absolutely no indication that she’ll be gifting us stuff to the value of the above btw.

My mum is financially stable. No mortgage, recently retired, decent pension, my dad still works. My aunty is in a similar position. The inheritance hasn’t really made a significant impact on their lives.

A large lump sum could really change all our lives. It could go towards a deposit for a house or pay privately for an operation that my brother is on a NHS waiting list for - tbf more cosmetic than health related. So when we were told about the increase in value we all got really excited thinking what this means to us all.

I feel angry that my mum didn’t follow through on this. Coupled with the fact that we haven’t been gifted anything of meaning from my grandmothers possessions I am feeling somewhat resentful.

I don’t feel like I can raise it with my mum either without looking like an awful money grabbing daughter. I feel like the conversation just wouldn’t go well, especially as my mum is still so upset by the death.

So AIBU? Also if anyone has any insight which might help me understand my mums position, I’d appreciate it.

Same way a man or woman breaks a vow.

It happens.

Not saying it is excusable, it isn't. But the OP is on a hiding to nothing and i would cut off those who promised me something i am no longer getting

Of course, people can change their minds about anything. They can leave their spouse, quit their job, move house, cancel a holiday, and decide not to give someone something they’d promised. It’s not a very nice thing to do though, especially to people you love.

I suppose it depends on your priorities - being kind, or defending your rights!

Missing a generation can be quite good estate planning. There is little point leaving a large estate to children who are themselves middle aged and comfortably off, or possibly in ill health, when you can leave it to your grandchildren and miss out a double hit of inheritance tax. I don't have children so my nieces will inherit, or that's what my current will says, at some point in the future I may revise that to provide legacies to their children.

But it was 6 times more than they expected anyway. You could understand if they thought it would be 100k and turned out to be 15k but not the other way round.

You don’t need insight.

your turn will come when your mother dies.

it’s their money to keep or share out as they see fit. Did you expect them to split it 4 ways for you all and take nothing themselves?

why did you not ask for a keepsake 4 years ago?

Aw that's rubbish!

The thing is, if your Mum hadn't promised you £4k, you wouldn't be feeling like you missed out. It's being told you're getting it, getting excited, and then having the rug pulled out from under you!

FIL did similar to DH. Told him he was going to gift him £50k, and then told him a few months later that he'd changed his mind (no apparent reason either, it's small change to FIL). It's horrible, because DH had started making plans in his mind. I think once you've told someone you're giving them money, that you really should follow through. Otherwise it's a bit cruel.

This is going to sound like a soap storyline but, here goes. All of my siblings have different dads. My sisters have pretty shit dads, but, one of them ended up marrying an actual millionaire. Money has genuinely never been an issue for them. Fine. Now, back to the shit dads thing. One of my grandparents left me out of her will because my dad has a better job than my sister’s dads. Granted, I don’t know when this will was drawn up. My mum, aunt, and sisters… all in the will. I was left out, and told my dad will “help me.” My dad has since started a new family, still has a job, but is now responsible for a severely autistic 16 year old boy, who will never be able to be independent.

I don’t think anyone owes us anything, but… the things people use to make decisions… just baffle me.

After giving everyone £4k each, they’d be left with £85k. This was money they weren’t expecting. This isn’t the bulk of the estate. It’s the miscellaneous assets that were thought to be worth just £15k. So Mum and Aunt have the estate (presume house etc) plus an extra £100k that they weren’t expecting. Surely they could give the grandchildren the £5k each they promised them?

@Rachie1973 I think you need to read the OP again.

Your mum and aunty changed their mind. You don’t have a legal entitlement to the money as I understand it.

There are many reasons why they could have changed their minds. One could be that they needed money (not necessarily now but in the future, maybe care home fees). Or they are worried that one/ all
of the grandchildren might not spend the money wisely so better to hold it back for a time. Or perhaps they think you’ll all inherit eventually so better to hold on to it until then and in the meantime you are all fit and active enough to earn your own money.

I would consider having a quick chat with your mum along the lines of you understand it’s hers but you were wondering whether she is planning to gift any money at any point, but very light touch. If she’d wanted you to have it she’d have given it by now.

That sounds overly emotive to me. Perhaps they promised in haste, during a grief period where they were overwhelmed.

I wouldnt have taken it seriously to be honest. Similar thing happened with my mum, she has come into some money a few years back, she said that my sister and I would have it, nothing more has been mentioned and I wouldnt dream of expecting it, I thought it was odd at the time to be honest, not sure why me and my sister would have it.

Its not about whehter you love someone. Its interesting also that its not just OPs mum, the aunt seems to have done the same. We assume.

Really you'd have sent that to your mum about her deceased mother's money?

I agree you should just be able to ask, but a text?!

I would be furious and ask them outright to be honest.

We all know legally you haven't got a claim. They can do as they wish, you will look grabby blah blah blah

But it's really shitty to promise someone money and then change your mind without an explanation.

A few years ago a relative left all his money to me with a verbal agreement to distribute between certain family. I could have legally kept the lot but I'm not a dick so I shared as promised.

I feel sorry for you op

Inheritance brings the worst out in some people.

Do you know what the actual amount these assets were sold for rather than just the valuation? Do you know if the estate had debts? Do you know the final amount your mum would get (after putting in the time to sort out the estate)? It mightn't amount to as much as you think.
Even if it's a good amount of money your mum and aunt may have to secure their own futures eg enabling you dad (& uncle) to retire earlier, planning for care costs or home adaptations in case they need that. Even aside from that you seem to think you grandchildren should split the possible £100k rather than 15k, which seems pretty enitiled.
You could try asking if you will be getting anything from your gran's estate to remember her by and see if that opens a dialogue. Go gently, your mother is still grieving (and from experience it can be like a fresh wave hits once all the admin is finally done).

What are the tax implications if any? It would only be 4k so presumably OP wouldnt pay tax.

Would there be IHT implications or care cost implications perhaps?

Reading the OP, she seems to be implying that the increase in the amount (15 vs 100k) would result in the grandchildren getting 25k each?

I wouldn't cause family upset or hold a grudge for £4k. It's a lot of money, but not life changing.

Also, you might not have the complete picture or know what she has in mind long term.

I think you could have a conversation, reminding your mum of what she had previously said, pointing out that the £4k would have been a lot more helpful than occasional treats, and asking why she had changed her mind. She doesn’t have any obligation to give you anything, but it’s unkind to have changed her mind with no explanation.

If there's no will, your mother & your aunt are the legal heirs.

YABU.

YABU but simply because I believe people need to stop thinking about other people’s money as their god given right. If it was yours to inherit your grandmother would have made arrangements.

It sucks that they went back on their word but ultimately, it’s their inheritance to do with as they see fit.

Aren’t there any ‘trinkets’ or suchlike, at all?
Regret to have to say, but as it’s been such a long time since GM’s death, I don’t believe anything can really be done short of an actual expensive court case?

So even though you feel you deserve a share of the new valuation of 100k, did she not even give you the original 4k you were said to be receiving? I think that would be fair, and wouldn't even touch the sides of what she's come away with.

Of course this would be entirely down to goodwill, as there was no will in play.

If you're going to blame anyone blame your grandmother for not making a will. Easy to make promises harder to keep them.

From experience of this sort of family nonesense, the 'promiser' liked the warm fuzzy feeling they got from making the promise but when it actually came to handing over the cash they didnt want to lose the control.

Doling out little pointless gifts allows them to continue the warm fuzzy feelings.