Mum keeping whole of grandmother’s inheritance

[Virgoschild]

My maternal grandmother passed around 4 years ago without a will. My mum was dealing with the estate and tbh the passing is still very raw for her.

It was clear that proceeds of my grandmothers property would be split between her daughters (my mum and aunty) and there was going to be about £15k misc assets/cash which was promised (by my mum and aunty) to be split between all the ‘grandchildren’ I.e. me, my brother and 2 cousins. we’d get about £4k each.

Anyway, these assets were valued and came in at £100k (not £15k!). These have been sold and my mum and aunty have kept the proceeds. Grandchildren have received nothing and it does not appear that we will be receiving anything. There has been no further conversation about this. No acknowledgment of what was promised or any increase discussed.

Instead, my mum has mentioned ‘treating’ us now and again. Paying for a meal out or getting us gifts such as jewellery. For context, these gifts arent expensive or frequent and there is absolutely no indication that she’ll be gifting us stuff to the value of the above btw.

My mum is financially stable. No mortgage, recently retired, decent pension, my dad still works. My aunty is in a similar position. The inheritance hasn’t really made a significant impact on their lives.

A large lump sum could really change all our lives. It could go towards a deposit for a house or pay privately for an operation that my brother is on a NHS waiting list for - tbf more cosmetic than health related. So when we were told about the increase in value we all got really excited thinking what this means to us all.

I feel angry that my mum didn’t follow through on this. Coupled with the fact that we haven’t been gifted anything of meaning from my grandmothers possessions I am feeling somewhat resentful.

I don’t feel like I can raise it with my mum either without looking like an awful money grabbing daughter. I feel like the conversation just wouldn’t go well, especially as my mum is still so upset by the death.

So AIBU? Also if anyone has any insight which might help me understand my mums position, I’d appreciate it.

Ah. There's still no change. OP's mom and her sister had to administer the estate and there may have been bills to settle and costs that ate into that sum more than they expected. They spent time on administration. It they both just changed their minds after looking at their financial positions.

If GM had wanted something to go to the grandkids, that could have been spelled out via a will. But she didn't make one and that meant she knew her estate would go to her kids, not grandkids.

OP has no valid claim here.

I have a will and have debated whether to leave anything to 3 DGC. I decided to split anything I leave 50/50 to both DDs instead
Up to them if they want to give something to DGC.
Your mum and auntie shouldn't have promised you anything they couldn't then give you but legally they don't have to.

If there was no will, then technically there’s no wrongdoing.
My MIL constantly does this over money - makes promises, and then nothing ever materialises. It’s like once she’s vocalised the promise, she forgets about it. It’s just the sort of thing she’d have done, liking to think to herself and others that she’s generous and benevolent, and then once the 20k became 100k, she wouldn't have been able to bring herself to hand it over! We’ve all learnt not to believe anything she says.

I also think you need to raise it. Ie. Mum, you said to the four of us that we could expect to receive a proportion of GM's assets. What is happening with that?

It’s quite normal for estate proceeds to just follow the legal path of inheritance - just because you need it more doesn’t mean you get it.

I received nothing from any of my grandparents and now my mum wants to give her money directly to the grandchildren. Her money, her choice, even if it does feel a bit rude!

You could tell them that you quite understand mum and auntie wont be sharing out the 100k , but they did lead you to believe you would be getting a share of 15k, and please could they keep to that.

Assuming there is no will and the promises were only made by mum and aunt, there is no legal claim here.

The only option, if you think it would be of any use, would be to gather your sibling / cousins and have a frank but civil conversation and ask once and for all what is to happen. Make it clear you have no expectation of a legal claim but in light of <X promises> made you would all like to know where you stand.

If there's no will, you're entitled to nothing. The rules of intestancy split the funds between your Mum and Aunt. It is their money.

Stop being so grabby. The money is not yours. If gran had wanted you to have it, she'd have written a will and left it to you.

If it wasn’t in a will then you are not entitled to anything. Money, especially inheritance, changes people. It’s horrible. Especially as your mum promised you some money from your grans estate and it hasn’t materialised. Promises mean nothing.

You are not a beneficiary under the law so you have no direct claim. Not your money to pine over.

I could never treat my adult children that way. Legally you don’t have a leg to stand on as there was no will, but morally your mum is not being fair. Sorry you have such a miserly parent.

If there was no will then the money belongs to your Mum and Aunt. They can do what they want. It would have been nice for them to help their children but they haven’t. You can either talk to your mother about it or forget about it.
When my mother inherited from her parents she used the money to ‘buy’ her way into other people’s lives. She offered to treat people to holidays, meals and days out with her. My sister and I chose not to accept these ‘gifts’.

It was mean to offer or promise you something significant and then renege.

I think the best you can do is say “it’s a bit awkward really because when you originally offered a share of the assets I committed that £4k towards XYZ in my mind. I’m now needing to save for that from other sources . Of course it’s completely your call, I understand that, but just curious as to why you changed your mind?”

If there’s no will, then AFAIK there are rules laid down as to who should get what. GOogle inheritance rules if no will. Sounds as if your mother is choosing to contravene normal practice.

This is one reason people are urged to make wills. If you don’t, and the rules say the relative you can’t stand, who was always horrible to you, is entitled to X%, that’s that. But if you make a will, you can exclude them, and add a reason why, if you like - plus it helps if they should try to contest the will.

How did the assets jump from 15k to 100k, who told you the value, legally you're not entitled but if your mum and aunts promised a cash gift I would mention it, have your cousins asked their mum.

But her mum obviously doesn't need the money. I'd be so upset if she's gone back on her promise.

Honestly I wouldn't even say that because they'd (justifiably) point out it's unwise to spend money in your head that you don't have.

I'd just keep it very straightforward and factual - "you mentioned previously that X assets would be passed to grandchildren. We understand there is no legal claim but we would like to know if this promise still stands, and if so can we make arrangements."

Have you spoken to your cousins? Has their Mum given them the money but perhaps your Mum hasn't?

If there is no will and no spouse - then the money gets split 50/50 between your mum and aunty.

They then can chose whether to pass any further on to you.

You are entitled to nothing.

If there was no spouse then the Op mother and aunty are doing nothing wrong the estate is inherited by the deceased children in absence of a spouse, Grandchildren ,only inherit ,if their parent has died, they will inherit their parents share
Been through this a few years ago when my dh estranged father died intestate.

Dh mum did similar with 300k.. promised the world and delivered a few meals out
It was her money though, made DH change how he feels about her and now its all spent anyway

The op has never suggested or asked if she is entitled to the money legally and some of these responses are just rude.

Did people not get to the final paragraphs???

Here:

I don’t feel like I can raise it with my mum either without looking like an awful money grabbing daughter. I feel like the conversation just wouldn’t go well, especially as my mum is still so upset by the death.

So AIBU? Also if anyone has any insight which might help me understand my mums position, I’d appreciate it

That's a good point. It would be odd if two mothers, who promised their DC a modest sum from the grandmother's estate, both reneged on the promise.

If deceased was intestate then it looks as though her two(?) offspring would take the estate in equal shares.

Which is what's happened.

@Virgoschild what makes you beleive anything different was intended?

My mum promised me some money towards a house deposit, when I was looking to buy I just let her know and asked her if that was something she was still willing to contribute, of course letting her know it was her choice.

She was happy to, all was fine. Try asking her nicely before you start feeling resentful! (And obviously respect her decision if it is a ‘no’)