To let my daughter have a seat?

[NeedingAGoodNap]

I was on a tram in Melbourne recently with my 5 year old dd. We both managed to grab seats but the tram soon got busy and some people were standing.

A man, who appeared to be mid 20s, got annoyed that my daughter had a seat when adults were having to stand and was very vocal about this. He felt she should give him her seat!

I absolutely refused, we were on a low floor tram which can be very rocky and often stop very suddenly. My daughter is too short to reach any of the handles and would absolutely go flying if the tram hit the breaks. I also don’t feel like she needs to give her seat to a young adult just because she is a child.

Was I unreasonable to refuse to give him her seat?

Youre not BU for not making her stand but I would have put her on my knee

Sit her on your lap u less you have some major problem that you only mention later

Tbh, I would expect you to sit her on your lap and leave the seat free.

YANBU
<9 year old = probably should sit down, for safety reasons
>9 year old = old enough to steady themselves and stand
Sitting on lap is also an option for a short journey

On a tram a 5 year old can sit on your lap for a short journey imo.

Was there a reason why you couldn't pop her on your lap like millions of thoughtful parents around the world often do?

Doesn't cost anything to do the decent thing.

I’d have done the same op. Better a child sat down than flying around injuring themselves and potentially others surely. As you say, an able bodied adult is much better equipped to hang on and steady themselves. I wouldn’t put my 4yo on my lap either, he’s absolutely massive and, for full disclosure, I’ve a mobility related disability so wouldn’t want to risk an injury myself. I accept this isn’t the norm as such though.

I think what you did was fine. I don't really see why you need to put her on your lap either to be honest.

If someone who needed a seat for mobility issues got on I would stand and let my child stay seated.

at that age she would have say on my knee.

I dont think you are unreasonable not to be intimidated to give up her seat, although you could have sat her on your lap and offered someone a seat.

I would say roughly speaking, 5 and under can go on your lap, 6-9 better in a seat on their own than standing, 10+ stand for those in greater need.

Interesting post change from “I wouldn’t put him on my lap i don’t want a dead leg”.

Sorry should have been clear that due to the tram layout, she wouldn’t have fitted on my lap between the seat and the Perspex in front of us. My knees already touch the barrier! Plus we had a bag as well already on my lap.

Shes also not a light kid and it would be painful to have her sit on my lap.

The passenger complaining was a man in his supposed prime mid 20s - could be he’s one of the faulty ones who intensely dislikes females.

Nothing wrong with this. I would actually give up a seat for a child because it's much harder for them to hold on and not nice to be surrounded by big adults with bags etc in their face.

He was very rude.

😂😂
There's probably also some undisclosed disability.

I think it's fine, Melbourne trams are really bad for sudden stops and there isn't much for kids to hold onto.

Yes, I appreciate that. I wrote it, without wanting to be too over-sharing as such, then realised it sounded flippant, more so than I meant to be. Unfortunately the disability is true… but I suppose so too would be the dead leg!

oh come on the shopping can be on the floor/ in the designated area for bags, the kid can sit sideways on your lap etc.

Right. So she couldn't sit on your lap. That clarifies it somewhat. We don't have perspex in our trams where I live, there is ample space for small children to sit on carer's laps.

I would also have put her on my lap.

I don’t think people realise it’s dangerous for small children to stand up on buses etc.

I travel by bus often and on a busy bus they end up falling around all over the place if standing, I have to pin them in a corner. God knows what would happen if we crashed!

Funnily enough in that situation the likely candidate for offering me a seat is older adults - perhaps they remember doing the same!

😂