To let my daughter have a seat?

[NeedingAGoodNap]

I was on a tram in Melbourne recently with my 5 year old dd. We both managed to grab seats but the tram soon got busy and some people were standing.

A man, who appeared to be mid 20s, got annoyed that my daughter had a seat when adults were having to stand and was very vocal about this. He felt she should give him her seat!

I absolutely refused, we were on a low floor tram which can be very rocky and often stop very suddenly. My daughter is too short to reach any of the handles and would absolutely go flying if the tram hit the breaks. I also don’t feel like she needs to give her seat to a young adult just because she is a child.

Was I unreasonable to refuse to give him her seat?

Which is a fair assumption. OP says he got 'annoyed' was 'very vocal' about a child having a seat whilst adults were standing. Just like he also made a fair assumption that OP's child is probably capable of standing.

Maybe if he had politely asked, OP would've been more likely to have her child stand or if he did explain he was feeling unwell if that was the case.

Yes I am struggling to understand, can a child not sit sideways on someone’s lap? I get there may not be too much leg room at the front. I think most busses are like that.

Let her sit on your lap.

Kids should go on parents' laps on busy public transport, IMO.

THIS

WHY CAN’T PEOPLE READ ALL OF OPS POSTS BEFORE POSTING THEMSELVES!!

I was brought up to regard good manners as thinking of others' comfort as much as (or more than) one's own. Offering seats, opening doors, passing food, and so on - it's all about showing consideration for others.

It's not about hierarchies of respect, but a consideration for others - and that is the way one shows respect to all, and demonstrates one's own self-respect. Selfishness and self-centredness is not a good look.

Last time I was on a Melbourne tram (a few months ago) it was horribly overcrowded and a woman in a wheelchair had great difficulty travelling.

Partly because NOBODY made any room for her to get to the wheelchair space. We had to ask various other passengers to move for her. A tram full of able-bodied young people, clearly taught that no-one deserves more respect than them, like many of the attitudes expounded on this thread.

While I think the OP's situation was reasonable (just) because the young man was quite capable of standing, the problem is that the attitude on this thread - that adults have no more right to a seat than children - leads to the sort of lack of consideration that I witnessed on this Melbourne tram, and have experienced myself when I was temporarily - and very obviously - disabled and found it difficult to stand.

And in my experience, the people who gave no quarter to my difficulties in standing were mothers with babies in prams, taking up all the spaces for people with disabilities. And the people who gave up seats for me over the 6 months of temporary disability were elderly men - who themselves weren't particularly steady on their feet sometimes.

Yes and I can see that offering your seat to someone who needs it - elderly people, pregnant women, oh and young children who can’t reach hand rails and get tired easily! would be good manners. But there is literally no reason for a child to give their seat to a full grown young man! How is it in any way selfish or self-centred? Especially as he was rude and entitled about it. That is teaching a child that if you want something, that you’re not in any way entitled to, all you have to do is demand it, shout, and make a fuss and you’ll be given it. Isn’t that the opposite of what we try and teach our kids?

No way am I getting up for a child (except a babe in arms) but I also wouldn't expect a child to get up for me.

It's up to the parents to put child on knee or prop them up against their bodies / train carriage wall.

The young male passenger lacked care and consideration for a 5 year old who was safer sitting down.

I would have put her on my knee to free up a seat. Not necessarily just for the guy, but also just because the guy was young 20ish doesn’t mean he isn’t in need of a seat for unforeseeable reasons.

The major problem is the entitlement of a healthy young man, gobbing-off that a child should stand while he sits.

Fine, but generally I still think kids should sit on adults’ knees if possible.

Depends, did you have to pay for her seat?

You could have stood and let your daughter sit on your seat.

What reasonable adult would expect a young child to stand.

Why? OP was there first.

Maybe just to be considerate of others. I would definitely have sat my child on my lap to free up a seat for someone else. I think it is called common courtesy.

Sorry, what parts of

'My daughter is too short to reach any of the handles and would absolutely go flying if the tram hit the breaks.

she wouldn’t have fitted on my lap between the seat and the Perspex in front of us. My knees already touch the barrier! Plus we had a bag as well already on my lap.'

Didn't work for you?

.

If she's small enough to fit on your lap comfortably, you're being unfair. If not tell him to do one.

What part of I’m commenting on someone’s quote and not the actual poster do you not understand 🤣🤣🤣🤣

This that what should happen in a crowded transport, your 5 year old is not paying for a seat, also you don't know if that person had a disability.

but which part of she didn’t fit on the ops lap are you not getting across?

I understand you can use as many Ha Ha emojis as you like but I understand the poster you quoted agreed the OP had done the right thing and said they would have stood for someone with mobility issues and still let the child sit, because the poster you quoted had understood the OP had said her child could not have sat on OP’s lap.

You’re the one introducing ‘consideration’ and ‘courtesy’ and insisting you would have sat the child on your lap, which OP had already said was not possible.

Have you got it yet ? 🤔🤔🤔🤔