To let my daughter have a seat?

[NeedingAGoodNap]

I was on a tram in Melbourne recently with my 5 year old dd. We both managed to grab seats but the tram soon got busy and some people were standing.

A man, who appeared to be mid 20s, got annoyed that my daughter had a seat when adults were having to stand and was very vocal about this. He felt she should give him her seat!

I absolutely refused, we were on a low floor tram which can be very rocky and often stop very suddenly. My daughter is too short to reach any of the handles and would absolutely go flying if the tram hit the breaks. I also don’t feel like she needs to give her seat to a young adult just because she is a child.

Was I unreasonable to refuse to give him her seat?

That person also didn't know if OP or the 5 year old had a disability.

Should have sat her on your lap, I do this with my 9yr old in London and she’s the size of an 11yr old.
its just manners

I'd give up my seat for a child and I'm a fair bit older than mid-20s. You wasn't being unreasonable.

WTF is wrong with people. Why should OP’s child move for an obnoxious 20 year old male and why should OP sit a five year old on her lap, they are bloody heavy and for healthcare reasons I personally can’t do it. What’s that teaching her child, that children don’t matter and men take priority? We are all people aren’t we. Fuck that for a game of laughs. First come first served. A 20 years old male can stand up.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I saw someone recently sit a bigger child than 5 on her lap on a busy tube (and yes, I did note that you personally can't; clearly though this woman could). It's not teaching them children don't matter, it's teaching them that, if you can, it's nice to do something to help people.

It is nice to teach them to be considerate of others but it’s ok to have boundaries also and it sounds like this young male wasn’t behaving very nicely. That’s teaching a young girl it’s ok for a man to treat you badly and you should still try to please and accommodate them. Fine line.

For a short journey she could have sat down n your lap, even if it was uncomfortable for you. We've all done it.

People STILL posting “why couldn’t she just sit on your lap” 12 pages later

Finding it so weird that so many people think she should be on your lap. My three year old point blank refuses to sit on my lap on the bus. He’s a person in his own right, why should he sit on my lap to make room for able bodied people? If someone less able needed a seat I’d give them mine. Sounds like a young adult was picking on a small child because he was in a bad mood.

Give me strength......

This. I would have put her on my knee as soon as it got busy. Also eventhough he was in his 20s he may have had a hidden disability. When I was in my 20s a virus attacked my spine and I couldn't srand fir any length of time and so I would never get on on bus if no seat because I knew I couldn't stand. He may have needed the seat. And before people start saying "ask/let people know you need the seat" you really don't want to do that when you are feeling vulnerable.
(Just noticed OP couldn't put her on her lap because of a barrier... in that case I wouldn't expect young daughter to give up seat.)

Your 3 year old has not paid for a seat and by not putting him/her on your lap you are letting a spoilt child have his own way and not teach them manners. I was brought up to give up seats for adults on busy transport.

Or you’re teaching your children that being a child makes them less deserving than adults. I’m small enough to sit on my husbands lap, but no one expects me to do so, even if we got train tickets on a 2 for 1 offer.

It's nothing to do with age. I'm a person in my own right too, and too big to sit on anyone's knee, but if I'm on a crowded tube I stand up, because I'm able and because I know there might be people who need or want the seat more than I do.

I agree, I too would stand up. An infant or small child is less able. The OP said her child cannot reach the handles to hold on. I disagree with targeting small children.

Grown man in his 20's is able to stand (unless there's some hidden disability he's not telling you about) 5 year old gets tired fast, especially if been walking around with mum all day.

Tell him to bog off.

Nobody under 18 has paid for a seat where I live but im not sticking a teenager on my lap. And trams in Melbourne CBD are free for everyone anyway.

Not unreasonable, I’d have kept my 5yo in her seat for safety reasons. Let them complain!