DSis says I'm awful for not letting her give DD14 a smartphone and that my gift for her is ridiculous, outdated and cruel.

[LuckyJadeMember]

DD14 is not allowed to have a smartphone. She uses a flip phone and has a thinkpad as well and is perfectly fine with it. Her birthday is next Sunday.

She likes to listen to music and the radio, but her phone doesn't have a music player so I bought a fiio music player on amazon, this one. It's 50 quid, and a nice blue colour. I also got her a case and screen protector for it.

I know what bands she listens to, so I went and bought some MP3 albums off bandcamp and amazon music, and put them on the MP3 player, and gave her a £100 bandcamp gift card too so she can buy some more music.

I also got her a nice portable canon as the camera on her phone is a bit naff, this one.

My sister met with me today because she wanted to show me what she got for her. It was an iPhone, the latest model. I said that she's not meant to have one, and that she won't be getting it so it'd be best to return it. It ended up in an argument, and DSis left the house angry. She called me later to yell at me and tell me how cruel I am for not allowing her to have a smartphone, and called me 'awful' and insulted my gifts several times.

AIBU?

Agreed!

I’m fairly certain @LuckyJadeMember won’t be back, or any of the socks she’s been posting with!

Do people just have far too much time on their hands?

I don’t know, maybe you could enlighten us as someone that has defended OP as if you know them. 🤔

Oh good lord 😂 there are plenty of people here who have defended the OP does not mean they deserve insinuations and accusations that they must know the OP. It is an open forum where you will come across people who are not the same as you, they do not hold the same opinions and think in different ways, they are well within their right to defend an OP if they think that is whats needed, and guess what? Thats ok, its ok to realise people have different views and opinions to yourself, you can go through life without insinuating things about people who have a different opinion or perspective

I’m not talking about alcohol.

I am talking about things which are both harmful AND deliberately, knowingly, designed to be addictive.

Saying “social media isn’t harmful to kids so long as they only do a bit of it” is like saying “having a little hit of crack is OK, provided you try not to do it too often”.

Fine (kind of) if you are an adult and want to ruin your life with your own choices.

But not when it comes to protecting kids.

I don’t see this as proof that OP and MNdrama are the same person. It could also be someone agreeing with OP.
Is there any other evidence?

I actually think refusing to let a 15-year-old have an iPhone in today’s world can be more harmful than helpful. At that age, phones aren’t just toys anymore (they’re how teenagers socialise, organise plans, communicate about school, and generally keep up with their peers). Completely opting out can leave a teenager feeling isolated or “behind the times”.

What I find frustrating is that modern phones already come with loads of built-in parental controls. You can set screen-time limits, restrict apps, approve downloads, filter content, and even schedule downtime. There are so many tools that allow parents to guide how a phone is used without banning it entirely. But it is clear you can’t be bothered to learn how to implement these, it’s much easier to have a blanket ban even though it is detrimental to your child.

Parenting in the digital age isn’t about pretending technology doesn’t exist. A blanket “no phone” approach is avoiding the work of teaching her the skills on being responsible rather than actually preparing her for the real world.

Giving a teenager a phone with sensible boundaries seems like a much healthier middle ground than just saying no and hoping that somehow prepares them for a world that’s already digital.

I had a friend at university. Very restrictive parents - TV was restricted at home. She got a portable tv for her 18th and brought it to halls when we were freshers.

we lived together - halls & shared houses for 4 years. I have never seen anyone watch so much TV or have so little idea about the world/how people live.

I’m not saying you’re like that as a parent but surely at 14 it’s time she learnt how to do things sensibly when you’ve time to help show her some sensible boundaries?

The key difference is a little bit of crack is not ok, though. It can be very dangerous.

It’s also impossible to use crack in a non-addictive way. Many people do use social media in a perfectly balanced and safe manner.

It’s not about disagreeing. In a real situation, I could understand a parent not wanting a teen to have a smartphone and having an issue with a relative undermining this, but this is about a post where the OP is socking as at least one other username to agree with them. Weird.

But that has nothing to do with me? I was replying to you after your insinuating that I must know the OP because I have been defending them. I am trying to tell you that just because I am agreeing with the OP does not mean I am in on the “socking” whatever that is or means. Mumsnet really is a universe completely on its own. I don’t blame OP for not coming back shes probably sat there like 🤯🤯

Most of the people posting including myself didn’t grow up with smartphones, we’ve all learnt to use them as adults.
And it might be how teenagers communicate but if also how they bully/get bullied, get in to situations that the are not old enough to deal with.
We had a situation recently where my stepdaughter (14) was giggling away at something on her phone, when my husband checked she was laughing at a girl in her year.. A girl who had no clue that whilst eating her lunch other kids had taken her picture and had used it to make an ugliest girl in school meme, I really hope that poor girl has parents like op and doesn’t ever realise she’s a laughing stock. This sort of crap happens all of the time in schools, children die because of it. If it were up to me my stepdaughter wouldn’t own a smartphone, but I’m not her mum or dad so it’s not my call.
My son is 23, he didn’t get a smartphone until he was 17, got his first job and brought himself one. He has never had social media, thank god he thinks it’s nonsense. It has not stunted him in any way, the complete opposite in fact. He works as an electrician and has lots of friends. He did what I did as a teenager to keep those friendships, he organised meet-ups or went and knocked on friends doors if he wanted play a game of football.
Another thing I’ve noticed is compared to his friends who were brought up being allowed free rein on phones he seems to find relationships easier. He has a couple of friends who at 23 have never even been on a date, because they don’t seem to get how to socialise properly, they use dating apps but haven’t been successful. My son will ask a woman in the pub for her number ect.

We had a situation recently where my stepdaughter (14) was giggling away at something on her phone, when my husband checked she was laughing at a girl in her year.. A girl who had no clue that whilst eating her lunch other kids had taken her picture and had used it to make an ugliest girl in school meme, I really hope that poor girl has parents like op and doesn’t ever realise she’s a laughing stock. This sort of crap happens all of the time in schools, children die because of it. If it were up to me my stepdaughter wouldn’t own a smartphone, but I’m not her mum or dad so it’s not my call.

Oh god that’s awful. Smartphones make things easy for bullies.

totally agree

This post says more about your step daughter who is cruel laughing at others. Also having a smart phone doesn’t mean people date vai apps 🤣 and because your son got a phone at 17 he can talk to folk 🤣 n = 1

Nope, totally disagree with that. A little bit of social media can be very dangerous. How many seconds does it take to be sent explicit content, or a message from a catfishing groomer, or to see a pageful of bullying comments that drive a teenager to self harm?

As for people using social media in a perfectly balanced and safe way - that’s like saying some people use addictive drugs safely. Meta would not be worth $1.6 trillion (about half the size of the UK economy) if people were capable of using its products in a safe and balanced way.

Firstly I agree, it was incredibly bitchy and spiteful of my stepdaughter, along with the rest of the school kids all laughing at the poor girl. Bullying has always been around and if probably always will be, do you really believe that phones have not made bullying worse than ever?!?
My son is just the example I chose to use, I 100% believe that smartphones are going to dumb down an entire generation when it comes to socialising and communicating, not just in dating. In so many ways.
How many threads have you seen on here that go along the lines of… My friend has done so and so, shall I just block them?
No need to manage conflict maturely, just swipe and problem solved, it’s not great is it?

By that metric, anything is dangerously. I could walk out of my door this morning and be hit by a bus.

So legally still a child then?

You could, but there is not a trillion dollar industry built around encouraging people to walk in front of buses multiple times a day.

Buses are not built with the primary aim of running people over.
Social media is designed with the primary aim of altering the chemicals in your brain and creating addiction.