DSis says I'm awful for not letting her give DD14 a smartphone and that my gift for her is ridiculous, outdated and cruel.

[LuckyJadeMember]

DD14 is not allowed to have a smartphone. She uses a flip phone and has a thinkpad as well and is perfectly fine with it. Her birthday is next Sunday.

She likes to listen to music and the radio, but her phone doesn't have a music player so I bought a fiio music player on amazon, this one. It's 50 quid, and a nice blue colour. I also got her a case and screen protector for it.

I know what bands she listens to, so I went and bought some MP3 albums off bandcamp and amazon music, and put them on the MP3 player, and gave her a £100 bandcamp gift card too so she can buy some more music.

I also got her a nice portable canon as the camera on her phone is a bit naff, this one.

My sister met with me today because she wanted to show me what she got for her. It was an iPhone, the latest model. I said that she's not meant to have one, and that she won't be getting it so it'd be best to return it. It ended up in an argument, and DSis left the house angry. She called me later to yell at me and tell me how cruel I am for not allowing her to have a smartphone, and called me 'awful' and insulted my gifts several times.

AIBU?

"DD14 is not allowed to have a smartphone"

What is your reasoning/fear behind this @LuckyJadeMember?

In 4 years she is an adult.
I would go for the smartphone with supervision.

I would go for the smartphone as well.

So she’s turning 15 soon?

She has never really asked for one, and doesn't need one either. I see so many phone zombies nowadays, and am not a fan of parental controls type stuff.

Yep. I've said she can get a smartphone when she goes to work and buys one from her own money or uses her savings to buy it, but she's never really pressed the matter or asked much.

I disagree with those saying give her the smartphone. It doesn’t sound like she has actually asked for one. Wait until she asks. She has her whole life to waste scrolling, so might as well delay it if you can.

Yep this is my opinion. She's said stuff like 'most of my friends have one' or 'a new samsung came out' but never really pressed the matter, which she usually does when she wants something.

How much is the latest iPhone? I wouldn't let my child have something that's worth hundreds of pounds either.

Your child, your rules. Dsis needs to be grey rocked until she apologises to you. Your gifts sound lovely OP.

What is the question then?

Why on earth are people pushing to give a child a phone??? On what planet are you living?!

And the mother says no!

Teenager. Not a child.

It's my sister acting this way that I'm annoyed about. She's sure that DD actually wants it and just hasn't been that vocal about it because she knows she won't get it, and is throwing hissy fits over me keeping my kid safe from the perils of smartphones.

Regardless, it's not something that a teenager, or anyone, need.

Do whatever makes you and your daughter feel comfortable but bear in mind, she will be 18 soon, and could quite possibly be a little 'behind times' in terms of technology.

Technology is advancing so fast, do you want her to be left behind? Say for example, going on a flight, boarding cards are mostly online. Alot of things have QR codes for certain downloads and info, like, ordering a meal in a restaurant, and paying for it online.. etc. Do you want her to be the 'country bumpkin' ? Its upto you how you want to educate your daughter. A suggestion would be to have a smart phone with strict parental controls. Your kid, your choice.

Thanks so much! And I think it's around £800, more expensive when there is more storage which is basically a necessity nowadays from what I've heard.

If she's not bothered then don't get her one. And there is no way I'd let her have a brand new iPhone either, the newer phones are worth over £1,000 and it would make her a target for theft.

I don't use a smartphone myself and am somehow surviving, people overestimate how needed they are. Never been to a pub that needs a qr code/has no paper menu or airline that doesn't let you board with a paper pass.

I wish my kids had not had phones when they did. Stand your ground and tell your sister to bugger off.

BUT eventually, your dd will get one so my golden rule would be to be careful how she uses it and if there are any issues to tell you.

Yet

Smartphones are not just about scrolling or social media, they are amazing for research if using the right sites and there are so many educational apps available that it may be beneficial for her to have one and so long as there are boundaries there shouldn’t be a problem

Sites can be accessed on a pc too? So can a lot of programs. And let's be a honest a 15 year old will be scrolling tiktok not wikipedia...

Ah! you're a luddite @LuckyJadeMember 😉

Dumbphones are rising in popularity with young people/gen z so I can't see that changing any time soon. Besides if old people can use smartphones someone who's never used one before and is younger probably can too.

Yep haha! Never seen the need for a smartphone. I have a similar one to that of my daughter.