DSis says I'm awful for not letting her give DD14 a smartphone and that my gift for her is ridiculous, outdated and cruel.

[LuckyJadeMember]

DD14 is not allowed to have a smartphone. She uses a flip phone and has a thinkpad as well and is perfectly fine with it. Her birthday is next Sunday.

She likes to listen to music and the radio, but her phone doesn't have a music player so I bought a fiio music player on amazon, this one. It's 50 quid, and a nice blue colour. I also got her a case and screen protector for it.

I know what bands she listens to, so I went and bought some MP3 albums off bandcamp and amazon music, and put them on the MP3 player, and gave her a £100 bandcamp gift card too so she can buy some more music.

I also got her a nice portable canon as the camera on her phone is a bit naff, this one.

My sister met with me today because she wanted to show me what she got for her. It was an iPhone, the latest model. I said that she's not meant to have one, and that she won't be getting it so it'd be best to return it. It ended up in an argument, and DSis left the house angry. She called me later to yell at me and tell me how cruel I am for not allowing her to have a smartphone, and called me 'awful' and insulted my gifts several times.

AIBU?

Pretty handy if your phone unexpectedly dies, though.

You carry a lot of atlases with you in case your phone dies? 😁

Presumably you are typing this on a computer the size of a car using dial up internet?

The only cult here is ‘Smartphone free childhood’ and their scaremongering ilk.

No OP should not be grateful for the fact that she has a sister so entitled. Grateful perhaps yes if sister had a conversation with OP about her thoughts on buying DD a smartphone and if OP said yes its a good idea DD wants ones,” oh great I would be happy to buy it for her if thats ok?” “ o my god yes thank you!” Thats when you would be grateful, but to make such a purchase without informing the parent? To scream and shout at your own sister just because its not what is needed or wanted right now? Strange, slightly controlling and entitled behaviour from OPs sister, not to mention uncalled for

Usually you buy a present and give a present. There’s no informing others of what you’ve purchased.

Once again, I'm an adult. And I can use a paper map without having a breakdown.

What was your point?

I would never dream of buying such an item for someone elses child without asking or discussing first with the parents, I find that really rude tbh (fair enough something small like clothing or whatever thats not going to have a big life impact) i always ask my brother or sil if any upcoming birthdays what do their children want / need. If ive seen some clothing i send it on “I’ve seen this, is it ok?” Or “i know so and so is into (whatever) at the moment can i get him this?” I mean its just respectful when your talking about someone else’s child.

My point is you seem to think 15 year olds should be made to live in some bizarre fantasy world with no access to modern technology.

Why is it going to become magically safer the day of their 16th birthday?

The sister obviously bought the phone as she knows the daughter wants one but can’t say to @LuckyJadeMember

Of course she wants one.

The OP is delusional if she thinks that she doesn’t. “Oh no I love this crappy mp3 player from the early aughts that isn’t even an iPod instead of an iPhone“ said no teenager ever.

🤣

She's probably too scared to broach the subject with you...

I don't know many teens that would have enough money of their own to buy one or pay for a sim / data.

Presumably she is an adult? The point is that people need to.know how to manage if their phone dies, breaks, etc. You read a timetable, you go into a shop and ask directions, ask the bus driver. Everyone is scared of human interaction now because phones have made it possible to almost entirely avoid it but then it becomes a huge issue when it's necessary. If kids don't learn how to do this in those crucial teen years they never will. It doesn't have to be all or nothing. I think at 15 the dd could probably do with a phone, second hand older model is perfectly fine but neither extreme position on here is helpful.

Everyone is not scared of human interaction now, don’t be ridiculous.

Honestly phones are extremely useful and all this is a humble brag from the OP.

I said this earlier and someone came back and said I should not be jealous or unsure of my parenting.

Firstly my children are grown adults, no smart phones around in their teens.

Secondly, the OP is the one questioning her parenting on a social media platform, Now we all know the issues of this type of platform, yet OP has used one to ensure she’s making a good choice. Why? As I said previously, to make sure she’s being told she’s wonderful and be patted on the back.

I find the whole thing ridiculous and not sure what OP wanted from this, if her 15 year old daughter doesn’t want a smart phone just tell her aunt that, after all she’s 15, maybe she’s scared of human interaction? Would she have asked the same if the aunt had offered the DD designer clothing that the DD didn’t like? No, of course not.

Agreed!

Im sure the OP brags to whoever will listen, well my Lucy doesn’t even what a smartphone she’s just so different to every other teenager.

The DD then thinks she’s letting g the mother down by being truthful.

@BlimeyOReillyO how many posts do we see on here about people with social anxiety, who find dealing with the most minor awkwardness with a neighbour or teacher problematic?

Great film last year with Ethan Hawke and Julia Roberts..apocalypse type thing ...Internet went down, Hawke had this great scene when he pleaded with a survivalist type to help as he was useless without it. Obviously thats extreme but it's the same idea. We need to make sure noone is so reliant on their phone that they cant cope without and giving then too early is an issue fkr that.

And you think that’s down to smartphones?

Don’t watch TV, see what it’s doing to you? Making you believe all this nonsense! It’s dangerous, keep away from it! Now I wonder how many people said that when TV was invented, how many said keep listening to your wireless!

Look, we're not going to agree so let's leave it. I don't think they are evil. I have one, I use apps, they are incredibly useful. But younger children don't need them and older ones should be used with controls and a lot of support once basic life skills without them are in place.

I could have let things play out where the lad continued to emotionally abuse her, that was the alternative unless I gained her trust to help her find a way thru the situation and get him out of her life, bcz I was probably only adult who knew what was going on. Her parents would have punished her a lot if they found out.

Not really, my point is that phone are not great. For anyone, but especially kids. They don't NEED them, despite many on here being desperate to make out they do. They WANT them - and everything is done for them if they do have them, so I can see why - but parents who can't imagine their child is capable without one are only fueling that.

They are a trapping of the modern world for sure, but they aren't the only thing that allows children to exist. You speak of them as though no one can possible do anything without them - to me, if kids can't function without them that is a failing, not something to be pleased about.

A lot of people are claiming their kids couldn't catch a bus or eat in a restaurant without a phone so there being a panic if phones go down is not as ludicrous as it sounds. Surely there would be people stuck at bus stops all over the world with no clue how to get home. And without being able to screenshot their location? Unimaginable horrors will inevitably follow.

And what would their friends talk about?????

You can either say phones are necessary and kids need to have them, admitting that they lack the skills to live without them. A reflection of lazy parenting.

Or you can say of course my child can manage without them, they're not helpless idiots, and they don't in fact NEED them - I just actively choose to give them something that diverts their attention, common sense, and introduces the harm of being connected all the time because everyone else is doing it and I can't stand the thought of me or them not being in the cool gang.

Its still none of the sisters business tbh

Ok so my question then is if she buys it then are you happy to give her full, unmanaged access to it? If she’s bought it you can’t then really supervise it.
Both our DC have smart phones, there’s time limits on apps, they can’t download new apps without us approving it and various other controls. Plus, if we want to, we have full access and know their pin codes.

Why is it magically safe to start smoking and gambling the day you turn 18?
It is not. It’s a cut off date when we say whatever damage you choose to do to yourself is your own responsibility.
Cigarettes, gambling and smartphones are harmful and designed to be addictive. Addictions in childhood when brains and bodies are changing so fast and decision making capability is not properly developed are ESPECIALLY damaging.
Which is why we have age limits to protect children from harm.

I really don’t know who you are or what your motivation is to argue so vociferously for children to adopt addictive, harmful habits at such a young age.