DSis says I'm awful for not letting her give DD14 a smartphone and that my gift for her is ridiculous, outdated and cruel.

[LuckyJadeMember]

DD14 is not allowed to have a smartphone. She uses a flip phone and has a thinkpad as well and is perfectly fine with it. Her birthday is next Sunday.

She likes to listen to music and the radio, but her phone doesn't have a music player so I bought a fiio music player on amazon, this one. It's 50 quid, and a nice blue colour. I also got her a case and screen protector for it.

I know what bands she listens to, so I went and bought some MP3 albums off bandcamp and amazon music, and put them on the MP3 player, and gave her a £100 bandcamp gift card too so she can buy some more music.

I also got her a nice portable canon as the camera on her phone is a bit naff, this one.

My sister met with me today because she wanted to show me what she got for her. It was an iPhone, the latest model. I said that she's not meant to have one, and that she won't be getting it so it'd be best to return it. It ended up in an argument, and DSis left the house angry. She called me later to yell at me and tell me how cruel I am for not allowing her to have a smartphone, and called me 'awful' and insulted my gifts several times.

AIBU?

That made me laugh as dd(18) is doing crochet atm! She also loves lego. She does have a 7 year old smartphone but she doesn't use it a lot. She leaves it downstairs from about 10pm until she comes down for breakfast.

Well that is definitely not true. Any platform that allows user generated content should be used with caution. Also with algorithms you can go down a rabbit hole. So for a teenage girl this could start with dance, go into diet and then head into quite disturbing pro anorexia content. Reel after reel right in her hand as she goes about her day.

I let my teen use some social media on my own phone. And I talk to her about algorithms and stuff. So I’m not even banning it but if you honestly think it’s better than the telly, you need to educate yourself.

There are extreme porn channels available pretty easily on free view.

Only if you pay for them.

Homework and research don't have to be "mobile" ( pun intended) though, do they?

Yanbu.
My son has a brick phone and a cassette tape player!
He genuinely loves the cassette tape player.
Its about what your child actually wants not what your sister thinks they should have.
Smartphones can be a massive stressful burden.

Isn’t the point more whether it’s unreasonable for sister to override the mum, as opposed to whether the mum is right or wrong on the iPhone thing

so A) sister very very very unreasonable to try and override the mum and B) regardless I think sensible not to give dd an iPhone - I think more and more children will have old school phones soon for safety

@JonesTown I agree that we’ve become overprotective. Sometimes I have to check myself when I start fussing about DS (17) going out with his friends, for example, because I went to parties, etc. at his age so why shouldn’t he?! He’s never got into any trouble and he’ll be an adult later this year.

DD (20) teases me sometimes, she’s at uni far away so she finds it funny when she comes home and I fuss. 😂

so would most of us. I would also worry if they refused to go to school, or were doing drugs or lots of things. How is that in any way relevant to this particular question? You think the op is silly for not giving her dd an iPhone because there are worse things adolescents can do? My kids are generally great and I still try to insist they eat their vegetables even though there are many many bigger problems I could have as a parent, but I try to be the best parent I can.

Im honestly past caring and just going to delete my account -its not worth the constant nit picking on this site every time you post something

I never said anything about an iPhone. I don't have an iPhone

I have a cheap android phone

Exactly! OP did not ask “AIBU” to not give DD a smartphone?

Not unreasonable not to give a smartphone, unless your dd particularly asks for one, I do think your sister was overstepping not just by buying her a smartphone without checking with you, but the latest iphone must be close to £1000 - that is way too much to spend on a niece.
As long as your dd has a way to communicate with her friends - laptop etc. It might be worth getting her a cheap smartphone next school year.

Where did I say a smartphone needs to be limited to homework and research?

Yes I assume this (justifying your own choices) is what is driving some of the more lurid responses here. Either that or they all work for Vodafone….

I think it’s quite the contrary. Many of the Luddite’s don’t see many others in real life who are as paranoid as them about such a normal aspect of technology, so are desperate for validation here.

The absolute state of some of the responses on here.

Of course you’re not being unreasonable. She doesn’t need a smartphone and it doesn’t sound like she necessarily wants one. And what kind of total fucknut buys a smartphone for someone else’s child without asking first.

She presumably angry because he opportunity to be “cool aunt” has been taken away from her. Her reaction is pathetic and childish.

if you don’t like people replying, don’t reply to others to tell them they should be worrying about something different instead! I said iPhone because you said iPhone, it’s right in your comment… I do mean smartphone in general.

Or they just remember that it actually wasn't that hard to live without them...a post upthread said how hard it would be to see an advert and use a paper map. Not really. I do appreciate that because 'the world' now expects you to have one you sometimes have to work around a little but it's perfectly possible to exist without one, especially as a teen.

Also, if the dd gets one at x age when she chooses or buys herself, it will take her about 5 minutes to work it all out. She'll have had endless talks at school about online safety, clearly her mum will have explained why she doesn't have one and she'll be old enough not to fall for the dangers that are so worrying for younger kids.

A 14 year old is a child

This poll....🤯🤯🤯🤯
Its evened up since day one but when I saw it last I think 60-70% said ywbu

I think it's a cool gift and sounds like she will like it.

No idea why strangers are demanding you give a child a smart phone when most current guidance suggests banning until 16.

In fact

https://www.mumsnet.com/news/social-media-ban-under-16s

My teenage daughters would have thought this a bit weird and would have loved your sister as auntie!
Just because your daughter doesn’t harp on about it, it doesn’t mean she wouldn’t want one. Maybe she feels there’s no point in asking.
Anyway, I hope she has a lovely birthday and enjoys her presents (which I’m sure she will).

I think your dsis has overstepped with the gift.
But I wouldn't kid myself that a 14 almost 15 year old doesn't want a smart phone and would rather carry around multiple devices.

DSis says I'm awful for not letting her give DD14 a smartphone
Since it would be a birthday present, would this be for her 15th birthday or for her 14th birthday? In the heading it says DD14

When I was 15 we didn’t have phones, we got cash and spent it on unsavoury things, by 16 definitely spending it on alcohol.
I love that young people want things, learning to treat themselves with love and things to work towards. Those expensive face creams, lighting, phones, they could be doing a lot worse.
The internet has terrible things for young people but it is also educational, helping teenagers navigate situations by listening to others who have been through similar.
My son has a vast amount of knowledge about the sea, he’s like a mini marine biologist. Information that I wouldn’t have known to pass on to him.

It’s her 15th, OP confirmed that.