DSis says I'm awful for not letting her give DD14 a smartphone and that my gift for her is ridiculous, outdated and cruel.

[LuckyJadeMember]

DD14 is not allowed to have a smartphone. She uses a flip phone and has a thinkpad as well and is perfectly fine with it. Her birthday is next Sunday.

She likes to listen to music and the radio, but her phone doesn't have a music player so I bought a fiio music player on amazon, this one. It's 50 quid, and a nice blue colour. I also got her a case and screen protector for it.

I know what bands she listens to, so I went and bought some MP3 albums off bandcamp and amazon music, and put them on the MP3 player, and gave her a £100 bandcamp gift card too so she can buy some more music.

I also got her a nice portable canon as the camera on her phone is a bit naff, this one.

My sister met with me today because she wanted to show me what she got for her. It was an iPhone, the latest model. I said that she's not meant to have one, and that she won't be getting it so it'd be best to return it. It ended up in an argument, and DSis left the house angry. She called me later to yell at me and tell me how cruel I am for not allowing her to have a smartphone, and called me 'awful' and insulted my gifts several times.

AIBU?

Yes- current guidance that is reactionary and alarmmist.

It’s not consulting on banning smartphones is it? I’ve skimmed it admittedly but can you say where it proposes banning smartphones as I can’t see that it does?

Thats a very good point!

And quite noticable on this thread as well.

There are loads of addictive things in society though. The answer is parenting and helping DC develop self-control.

I’m sure most DC would eat sweets constantly if allowed. Likewise, many teen boys would much rather play FIFA than revise.

Should we be demanding the state ban chocolate and games consoles for under 16s?

In your opinion.

No mate. London. You are behind the curve. Yes ofc every teenager you see has a smartphone. What a stupid thing to say!! Does that mean we want this for our kids? For ourselves? We just roll over like we have no control or minds of our own? You sound like you have zero backbone, zero sense of community and civic responsibility or care for young people’s wellbeing. We can be more than just slaves to the capitalist broligarchy.

your sister is out of order not her place and the amount an iphon is obsene who spends that on a 15 year old

i think its refreshing and great for mental health not to have a smartphone too early

my niece(11) one with pc no tiktok or snapchat but shes still on it all th time watching silly videos its like she cant be without it-very sad

In my view it is bad for young people’s wellbeing to make them live in a 1990s fantasy while everyone else communicates with each other using modern technology.

Is your sister very wealthy? Because buying an iPhone as a birthday present for a niece is incredibly generous. But that aside, she’s out of order-it’s your daughter, so your decision, not hers. She wouldn’t like it if you gave her child something she’d expressly said no to, would she?

But if ALL of them were without them it would take away the seemingly most compelling reason to give in and give them one, that they'll be bullied, isolated, left out. We don't let kids in pubs drinking at 10 years old, we say it's an adult experience. We absolutely could do that if it was a collective decision.

Yes, because drinking any level of alcohol is harmful and also it is far less necessary than a smartphone in society.

There are many people who don’t drink. There are very few who don’t use a smartphone, and those who don’t tend to be very old.

In any event, countries which introduce teens to alcohol in a sensible way have much lower levels of harm.

@jonestown the irony of your user name being the name of a brainwashed community of people blindly following a cult leader to their own destruction is not lost on me. They used to get very defensive about their cult as well.

A paper map? A PAPER map??? My God, you're right, there's no way he'd have managed. No way at all.

I'm sorry, I thought you were arguing for all the benefits of having a phone? Not that having one to rely solely on makes you less capable and intelligent? If your son isn't able to comprehend using anything but his phone to live his life then you have failed him.

I managed to get all over the place and do amazing things when I was 14, not a phone to be seen. Your DS is not prodigal.

"I managed to get all over the place and do amazing things when I was 14, not a phone to be seen. "

Yes, we managed without mobile phones, but modern life is obviously easier with them. A pre-printed paper map will not give you an itinerary or let you know when to get off a bus in an unfamiliar area.

No, it didn't spoon-feed me you're right. I had to think for myself a bit. I thought the argument that NOT having a phone was overprotective and holding kids back?

Convenient? Sure. Lazy, arguably. Absolutely necessary, no.

Yes, it's necessary THESE DAYS. Times have moved on since I was young. For my life now, I NEED a smartphone. I can't talk of 14 year-olds specifically, but for many of us, yes, it's necessary.

Mine used theirs to watch educational videos or listen to educational podcasts that related to their GCSEs or A levels on the bus to school and back. 45mins of revising 2x a day. Put them ahead of their peers academically.

And yes they used them to chat with their friends and to call me if they needed something.

They also got used to online banking and how to manage their money via banking apps.

So it’s not just technology she will be behind on. Your sister bought the phone as a gift. I think you were awful for refusing it because you ‘don’t do parental controls’ that’s just lazy parenting. You can’t be bothered to teach or supervise her on how to use a tool without turning into a ‘phone zombie’ that is essential in today’s workplace.

You're an adult - whatever your reasons for NEEDING one, I'm sure they don't apply to 14-year-olds. Children do not NEED them.

Times have moved on, that doesn't equate to wanting everything as easy as possible as fast as possible. That's a want.

I've said this before and you know your daughter but I don't know a single 15 year old who wouldn't just buy a smartphone from the dealer in second hand smartphones at school. If she's not asking for one she probably has one. She might not be able to afford the best, but she could definitely get someone else's parents old Android for £50.

Haven’t RT(full)FT but skimmed… Are we all ignoring the fact that the mp3 player really does look like a crappy product and has a low rating?

For that fact I’m willing to believe that the sister is a better judge of technology than the OP and “outdated and cruel” may be applicable in this case 🤷‍♀️

She wants one. Ofcourse she does. All teenagers want to have the gadgets their friends have.

I’m with your DSis, your presents are outdated. I’d let her have the phone.

Agreed!

I've only read OP posts, but from them it seems like most replies have ignored the terrible behaviour from OPs sister. Buying a gift (especially that extravagant) when it is against the parents wishes is never ok, regardless of whether you agree with that parents choice!

The OP should just be grateful that she doesn’t have to fork out for it and that her generous sister has it covered.

I completely agree. OP’s gift was outdated and crappy.
It was also cruel to refuse to let her DD’s aunt gift her a nice smartphone.