She gets away with doing whatever she wants

[Timbucktutu]

Nice evening, cosy by the fire.
Dd decides she wants to make soup, I tell her we don’t have the ingredients and we can make tomorrow. Dd stubborn and becomes quite single minded when she gets an idea into her head (suspect Nd) so I just leave her to it and try to be patient about the mess that will be made and to just let it go.
Dh goes into the kitchen and sees she’s spilt a jar of cinnamon all over the floor, starts to get angry, Dd saying sorry. He tells her she can’t make all this and can’t get all these ingredients out, comes in to tell me. At this point I don’t see the point of getting angry and he storms out saying that she gets away with doing whatever she wants

Who is being unreasonable here?

You are married to an idiot.

I'm confused because you said one thing and did something else. If you want to leave her to it then why tell her not to do it first? You are just undermining yourself here.

How old is DD?

DH shouldn't have got angry about the mess but if DD made it and didn't clean it up then it's understandable. I'm assuming DD is an older teen if she's making soup?

You are. You said no, explained why, and then did nothing to follow through or even back your DH up when it came to cleaning up the mess she had made.

You both are.

If you don't want her making soup until the next day, then why was she taking it upon herself to ignore you and you just sat back and let her?

Also, why were you even thinking about the mess considering she'll surely be cleaning it all up (although I suspect not).

I think I’d be annoyed about the mess too and wouldn’t have let her make it in the first place

And by the way, age is always relevant on these threads.

I don't see why either of you have such a problem with dd amusing herself. You both sound mean.

It's like "how dare she be creative"

On the contrary, they sound like they allow their DD to be boss of the house.

Because I'd bet good money that the op will be left with all the mess. That dd will use something that the op or DH planned to cook with tomorrow and she was told no. End of. No.

You are, you said no, let her do it anyway and refused to back your husband up.
How old is she?

I’m with your dh on this one. You asked her not to, she did anyway and wasted a jar of cinnamon and made a mess. Also there don’t appear to be any consequences like having to clean up!

Your daughter needs to be taught boundaries and thst when an adult says no, they mean it.
Your need to be bothered to set rules.

This.

So basically you can't be bothered to parent her. Yes yabu

8

Then you are even more unreasonable. Do some parenting and stop being lazy.

You are, I'm afraid.

You either said no to your dd, and stuck to it. Or said yes, but she had to clear up her own mess

You are both at two opposing extremes and it's not good for anyone.
You told her not to try and make it now, but then didn't follow through and let her get into things and make a mess (who was going to be responsible for cleaning up?)
And he got angry over a mess and stormed about rather than guiding her to clean up the mess.
How old is she?

You made him the bad guy so yes, you are being unreasonable. Why say no if you let her do it anyway? It’s like you took a day off of parenting.

How old is she?
If you’ve said no soup making tonight do it tomorrow when got ingredients then she shouldn’t be ignoring you and making soup.
No means no.

Why was cinnamon spilt in soup making? Sounds like she’s ignoring you and wasted food/made a mess. I’d be cross at her.
She shouldn’t have disobeyed. She should clean up mess.
It’s not unreasonable to say not today do it tomorrow when got ingredients.

I can be bothered to parent her, but don’t see it being the end of the world if she wants to make herself something-it’s Friday night, she was having fun, I don’t want anger and telling off

She is going to be a nightmare as a teenager if you don't step up and parent her

8?! You need to have a word with yourself.

Then you should have said yes initially. Not no and then remove yourself from all responsibility when she ignores you.

So You don’t see the point in parenting her then. Lazy