She gets away with doing whatever she wants

[Timbucktutu]

Nice evening, cosy by the fire.
Dd decides she wants to make soup, I tell her we don’t have the ingredients and we can make tomorrow. Dd stubborn and becomes quite single minded when she gets an idea into her head (suspect Nd) so I just leave her to it and try to be patient about the mess that will be made and to just let it go.
Dh goes into the kitchen and sees she’s spilt a jar of cinnamon all over the floor, starts to get angry, Dd saying sorry. He tells her she can’t make all this and can’t get all these ingredients out, comes in to tell me. At this point I don’t see the point of getting angry and he storms out saying that she gets away with doing whatever she wants

Who is being unreasonable here?

Sounds like when mine used to make
“soup” when they were little. Difference being that they were in the garden with a bucket of water and leaves and soil, not the contents of the spice rack !

100% agree with this.

Ffs! @Timbucktutu, you are losing battles ALREADY? You’ve backed off the whole parenting thing and she’s not even in double figures?

I should shake you! Both of you! Shes 8. No means NO. She makes a mess, she clears it up.

with Suspected ND it’s even MORE important that you teach you daughter where the boundaries are. NOW! Before the hormones kick in.

you both need to radically change your approach to this; starting today.

By doing whatever she wants when you have said No.

this isn’t rocket science.

You have to teach kids there’s a time and place, and she can only cook when she cleans it all up properly.

You literally aren’t doing any kind of parenting here.

Ok, spice mixing not soup.

wtaf?

that’s dumb. Wasteful and unnecessary

the issue isn’t soup/spices, the issue is that @Timbucktutu said no and then let the dd do it anyway.

no needs to mean no. For all kids, and it’s just as important for ND kids too. Otherwise they don’t learn how to exist in the world.

Would have thought it be better if you joined in so she could actually learn something, you can keep an eye on goings on and do some bonding. Is how I learnt to cook early. 8 is way too young to be let loose solo in the kitchen. Oil fires anyone?

Nice .

Not being a bitch about anything, just stating the very obvious. Not my fault you can't keep track of the threads you're on!

Its messy play and extremely valuable, but thats not what the OP set out and it sounds as if she didnt share the experience with her, sort of just a sitting back passive type of interaction with her. Not only that, but the fact she chops and chnages her mind wont be good for her child.

How did you come to that conclusion?

So totally not making soup then ?

what us mn readers think soup is - stock/water and veg

you now say actually she’s mixing spices together

yet you said you didn’t have the ingredients for soup

if it’s a few spices together then you have Totally re wrote your post 🙄

If this post is meant to prompt us to assure you you aren't a rubbish mum, you are likely to be disappointed.

By your own account you aren't great at parenting and I completely understand your husband's frustration.

Quite. Some OP’s seem to think we are mind readers and of course they didn’t mean exactly that words they typed. Why didn’t we know that?

Back pedalling faster than a circus clown OP.

YABU and a lazy parent.

Yes - did you see her spill the cinnamon then? Or is this all a little Friday night story?

Agree about the chopping and changing, but parents shouldn’t be involved in every experience children have. Children need to play on their own in order to develop properly. It’s great she had this idea for a game and wanted to do it herself. It’s just her parents messed up deciding whether she was allowed to or not.

Either that or how to deal with severe burns on a child while waiting for the ambulance. God forbid.

No, but I don’t think this was your finest hour.

See here you said cook. Bit of a weird choice of words if, as you said two posts later, it was mixing spices in a bowl and definitely not doing anything requiring adult supervision no siree Bob.

Stop letting your daughter do what she wants for a quiet life. You are the grown up get tougher. I think if I was H I’d get cross too.

It is very difficult to challenge any young person with Pathological Demand Avoidance disorder and this sounds typical. You can't just ignore it and throw in the towel. Never say no, offer two choices that both satisfy you. OR Put locks on all the cupboards and doors. Sorry to say this but you can't win.

The OP's daughter doesn't have diagnosed PDA. All she's said is suspected ND!

Who said the child had PDA? The OP certainly didn’t. Have you just made it up? 😁

I wouldn't let an 8 year old cook in the kitchen without supervision. This is someone below the age at which they would be left alone in the house while you are at work. That would be my guideline of unsupervised

PDA, lol

These threads go wild dont they

You suspect ND, I suspect a young person who has been allowed to do what she wants and knows that she can do it even if you say no.

Where have you got PDA from?
The OP is a parent who can't be bothered to actually put in the work of teaching her child that she can't have or do whatever she wants and is upset with her husband because he doesn't agree with her poor approach to parenting. She posted here hoping everyone would agree that her husband is a big old meanie to their daughter but the vast majority are able to see that she's the one that needs to change her parenting techniques.