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AIBU?

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Original poster

Dd doesn't want to go back to school after giving birth

228 replies

LighterDays · 06/03/2026 10:26

Reposting from Education forum in hopes to get more advice/experiences

You might remember me from my other threads but I've name changed again as I've posted some outing things.

My DD is 15 and she gave birth 2 nearly 3 weeks ago. She is supposed to be in year 10 and attended school up until Christmas, she had a horrible few weeks with her ex and his friends bullying her, name calling and he’d wait outside her classes to try and talk to her when she told him she didn't want to talk to him and it was quite intimidating to her. School weren't very supportive about this and it caused her a lot of stress so she didn't go in the last week or 2 but he isn't at the school now

Anyway after Christmas she was on what would probably be maternity leave, she studied at home though but since baby has been here she obviously hasn't. We never chatted about when she’d go back with the school or anything they just said let them know and keep them updated

She has said now she doesn't want to go back after Easter (he will only be 8 or 9 weeks old so I don't really blame her) so I don't think she will go back until September and even then she is sorta worried about leaving him from like 7:45 am (she left this time to get the bus) until nearly 4pm at 7 months but I guess that's how all parents feel

I'm just worried about how behind she will be in her GCSE year as she will have missed so much. I know 14+ colleges are a thing, I don't know if there are any locally but it would also help if it were more flexible rather than 8:30-3 days 5 days a week. I'd be caring for him most likely as that was agreed and I don't mind I just want her to do well.

If you/your dc have any experience of these colleges can you tell me know what its like? Also any advice in general would be appreciated

OP posts:
sashaski · 06/03/2026 10:27

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Catecatecate · 06/03/2026 10:32

Hi I gave birth at 16 just over 8 years ago now. I had a year out of education to raise my child and then went back at 17 when my child was almost one, most colleges these days have nurseries. Even if she doesn’t go back in time for GCSEs she can still go to college and start at a level one course and work her way up. Or study for GCSEs at home and then do the test at a testing centre

mumofoneAloneandwell · 06/03/2026 10:34

Can you delay talking about it until the summer holidays? Just enjoy the baby stage, she probably isn't up to thinking clearly anyway - congratulations to you all x

dizzydizzydizzy · 06/03/2026 10:34

I think you need to talk to someone senior in the school - perhaps one of the deputy heads. Your DD can’t be the first who has had a baby in year 10 or even needed many months off school. They ought to come up with a plan for her to complete her GCSEs, in particular English and Maths.

BoredZelda · 06/03/2026 10:37

She can take time out to recover and be a mum. She can sit her GCSEs when she is ready. If that’s next year, then so be it. She won’t become destitute if she needs to wait a year to do them.

Lampzade · 06/03/2026 10:39

Is there a way that she can just focus on English and maths at the moment? . There is so much info online
Is she able to do some independent study?
Going back to school is probably not the best idea if there are issues with bullying
I would focus on looking for a college place for September tbh.

Fedupwiththecuts · 06/03/2026 10:41

I would second speaking to the school to see what they can offer. It's completely understandable that she'd find it hard to go back so soon. They should be able to give options. Even delaying for a year isn't the end of the world like pp suggested.
There may also be online options so she doesn't need to be out of the house for as long or a reduced timetable where she can spread out her gcses.

Lookskywalker · 06/03/2026 10:43

Can she go back in Sept and just repeat the whole year?

ElectoralControversy · 06/03/2026 10:48

Does she have any idea what she'd like to do when she leaves school?

DS is same age and has just brought home the prospectus for our local 16+ college, they have four different levels of entry ranging from no GCSEs at all, to five at over grade 4 or something. Don't know their exact hours but some of his friends with SEN who dropped out of his school are already there on reduced hours, the college seems to be flexible and have good support.

Carseatconundrums · 06/03/2026 10:48

Could you look at restarting year 10 in September, perhaps on a reduced timetable but covering the essentials (English, maths, science and maybe one or two others if she’s interested in further study)? This would put her in a different cohort so would hopefully help get her away from the bullies to some extent. As PPs have said, she won’t be the first to have had a baby in year 10 or to have taken extended leave for any reason and they should have systems in place to support her returning. However, if they’re not supportive, I’d have a ring around other decent local secondaries (especially any that have a good pastoral reputation) if you have any, and ask about starting year 10 from scratch. Even if they don’t have space, they might be able to suggest other good routes forward. Good luck!

BuffaloCauliflower · 06/03/2026 10:48

Hey OP. I was out of school at that age for different reasons, and honestly there are plenty of ways to get the education you want/need as you go through life, it doesn’t all have to be in the time and order set out. I have a BSc and an MSc, but still only English and Maths GCSEs, both gained post 16. It’s not ideal that your DD has had a baby now, but she has and hopefully wants to put energy into being a great mum right now, and this is the scenario you’re working within.

Yes there are post 14 colleges, and colleges where you can do GCSEs and BTECs and things post 16 if you haven’t taken them before. Does your DD have a particular path in mind she wanted to follow, or does she need more time to decide? Maybe focus on baby for a year and then go to college when baby can go to childcare (and she should get financial support with that then too) life is long and she doesn’t have to figure it all out right away. Good luck x

Needmorelego · 06/03/2026 10:51

To be honest she can get some GCSEs at any age. She could do them in 5 years time when her child starts school and only focus on the really important ones which is English and Maths. She doesn't need to be doing them now.
Personally (and some Mumsnetters might be shocked at this) I would have her priority be her baby.
Let her focus on motherhood. GCSEs can come later.

Freya1542 · 06/03/2026 10:51

@LighterDays as I'm sure you do appreciate, what your daughter has gone through is immense.

Education is the absolute least of her worries, at the moment, she can catch-up later.

For you, being a supportive Mum/Grandma should be your sole concern, just imo ofc.

6namechange3 · 06/03/2026 10:51

I know if a few friends children who have attended 14 -16 college ( school refuser/ mental health) they have been quite positive about it. Your daughter should have a Community Youth team worker who should be signposting her to suitable options. School should have made the initial referral. If they haven't please contact the education department of your local council. She doesn't necessarily need to rush back but she should have a plan in place

obliviate24 · 06/03/2026 10:51

I got pregnant while at school, I went back once baby was 6 weeks (I think). I missed out so much of my baby. I regret it ever day- hes 16 now!

Please let her be a mum. Everything else can wait.

KatsPJs · 06/03/2026 10:53

Honestly OP I’d explore other options rather than sending her back to that school. They clearly let her down and she has just had a massive life event happen. Most women take at least 6 months of maternity leave - I think your daughter needs this time too. I would look at colleges for the next academic year for her to do her GCSEs and take it from there.

AmandaBrotzman · 06/03/2026 10:53

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Helpful 🙄

Mt563 · 06/03/2026 10:56

Honestly, I struggled going back to work after 8 month. I was so tired, brain fog still etc. I can't imagine what it would have been weeks after instead of months and if I was straight back into school and exams. I really don't think that's in anyone's best interest right now.

iceteababy · 06/03/2026 10:56

Catecatecate · 06/03/2026 10:32

Hi I gave birth at 16 just over 8 years ago now. I had a year out of education to raise my child and then went back at 17 when my child was almost one, most colleges these days have nurseries. Even if she doesn’t go back in time for GCSEs she can still go to college and start at a level one course and work her way up. Or study for GCSEs at home and then do the test at a testing centre

This.

Don't panic OP. One of my management colleagues had her baby when she was 16. She is 60 now and did well.

One of the most impressive women I know had her first when she was 16 and went on to have more. ( different father). She is now a Director and also the Director of her professional body. She succeeded because she had a female family member who helped look after the kids enabling her to focus on her career. Like your daughter has you. Your daughter is lucky to have you.

rainbowstardrops · 06/03/2026 10:58

I wouldn’t push too hard right now but I would be asking for advice from her school.
Are you the poster whose son is refusing to get up and out to school in the mornings?

ManchesterGirl2 · 06/03/2026 11:02

Can she rejoin another school or college after the summer, repeating the year? In the long run, being a year behind her peers won't matter, as long as she can still get an education. Sounds like it would be better to be away from her ex and his mates, the school sound a bit useless.

Well done to her for being a caring mother.

EndorsingPRActice · 06/03/2026 11:05

I’m with the rest of the pps, encourage your DD to do what she wants, and if that’s being a mum, that’s great. But do keep open the idea of exams and further study in your dd’s future

YourShyLion · 06/03/2026 11:05

I'd look into colleges rather than going back to school. I don't think school would work very easily for her but college would be a fresh start.

Often access courses are offered when school qualifications aren't enough for access to higher qualifications. Realistically standard grades and gcses are only really valid for a year or two. Once the next set of exams are done, the original results are of less interest and another year later noone even asks about them so it might be a waste of time sweating gcses when she'd be better off at college and experimenting with access courses until she finds what she likes. Start there and work her say up and she'll be fine.

Strawberrryfields · 06/03/2026 11:07

Totally understand the instinct of wanting to get her ‘back on track’ but she has plenty of time for that in the future. For now, life is taking a different path and motherhood is the focus. Even if she takes a year out she still has plenty of time and options for GCSEs or other options.

She’s lucky to have your support and I think you just need to go with what she needs right now. Exams can wait. And perhaps given time she’ll come back to them with a different focus and maturity because she’ll be ready. And bonus - she won’t have to put up with her idiot ex.

MarianaMonterey · 06/03/2026 11:09

ElectoralControversy · 06/03/2026 10:48

Does she have any idea what she'd like to do when she leaves school?

DS is same age and has just brought home the prospectus for our local 16+ college, they have four different levels of entry ranging from no GCSEs at all, to five at over grade 4 or something. Don't know their exact hours but some of his friends with SEN who dropped out of his school are already there on reduced hours, the college seems to be flexible and have good support.

I am trying to investigate these options for my SEN daughter and you would think it didn’t even exist here. The way way school go on about it you are DOOMED. DOOMED I TELL YOU!!! If you don’t get a full set of grade 5s at 16.

Bollocks of course. But trying to work out the practicalities with no guidance is like pulling teeth.