Dd doesn't want to go back to school after giving birth

[LighterDays]

Reposting from Education forum in hopes to get more advice/experiences

You might remember me from my other threads but I've name changed again as I've posted some outing things.

My DD is 15 and she gave birth 2 nearly 3 weeks ago. She is supposed to be in year 10 and attended school up until Christmas, she had a horrible few weeks with her ex and his friends bullying her, name calling and he’d wait outside her classes to try and talk to her when she told him she didn't want to talk to him and it was quite intimidating to her. School weren't very supportive about this and it caused her a lot of stress so she didn't go in the last week or 2 but he isn't at the school now

Anyway after Christmas she was on what would probably be maternity leave, she studied at home though but since baby has been here she obviously hasn't. We never chatted about when she’d go back with the school or anything they just said let them know and keep them updated

She has said now she doesn't want to go back after Easter (he will only be 8 or 9 weeks old so I don't really blame her) so I don't think she will go back until September and even then she is sorta worried about leaving him from like 7:45 am (she left this time to get the bus) until nearly 4pm at 7 months but I guess that's how all parents feel

I'm just worried about how behind she will be in her GCSE year as she will have missed so much. I know 14+ colleges are a thing, I don't know if there are any locally but it would also help if it were more flexible rather than 8:30-3 days 5 days a week. I'd be caring for him most likely as that was agreed and I don't mind I just want her to do well.

If you/your dc have any experience of these colleges can you tell me know what its like? Also any advice in general would be appreciated

I would be looking at home education. She doesn’t need to do as many exams as she would in school. My son was home ed through gcses and sat the 5 he needed to do his chosen college course. I would start researching options for post 16 and how to get there. We looked at entry requirements for post 16 and worked backwards.

You could ask the school if she could still sit exams with them but if they agree make sure to ask what boards/syllabus as she may need to do different ones if home educated to avoid any practicals. We sat 2 in year 10 and 3 in year 7 but could have taken an extra year or started at a lower level if he hadn’t got the grades. Otherwise you would need to find a private exam centre if the school won’t help.

Home ed doesn’t mean online school or tutors. You can use text books and free resources if you want. We used a mix of online courses and resources and lots of past papers. I didn’t teach but acted as facilitator and motivator.

I agree with PPs who have pointed out she can take her GCSEs later.

Maybe doing something part time from September so she is in the outside world @ not only with the baby might be his for her social & mental health but can only imagine school would be traumatic unless she has a really, really great friendship group and really wants to.

I can imagine it being pretty alienating, having such a different life than other Year 10 kids.

Good luck to you all whatever happens

Not everyone is capable of home educating at 16 year old. I know I couldn’t. At 16 the maths would be way beyond anything I could educate her with.

If she doesn’t want to go back to school what options are there? We have a college people can attend after 14, she might be able to just focus on a couple of subjects so she isn’t away from baby too much but also doesn’t have too much time away from education.

A fresh opportunity might really benefit her.

Do not do this. You’d be taking on all responsibility for her education, including the costs and logistics of exams (could be more than £2k for her GCSEs), when it’s possible the school might be willing to accommodate her to eg repeat a year, or perhaps they’ll allow her to study at home and sit the exams there (exam centres can be hard to find, as well as expensive).

(I speak as a home educator.)

Home education is really not possible for everyone. I’d repeat year 10 which I think she could do but maybe at another school or college. Being a mum should not define her and she needs her exams. Just work out where and how but she should start y10 again in Sept. I assume you have worked out childcare.

I may have missed something here but who is looking after baby if/when she goes back?! There is lots of good advice on here re talking directly to LA and school, but letting her learn to be a Mum will pay it's dues in time. She may choose to study in care/childcare as she will already have experience! (I wouldn't have had a clue at that age) Hope it all works out x

My nan had my mum at 15 and never went back to school. She had a good career and worked her way up in retail. In those days there was not the sorts of education offerings available that you can access now in later life. Many people leave school with no gcses and forge a path. There are so many options of when, which and how you can carry on education now, for example I know of a few people that left school with minimal qualifications and did a variety of things for jobs and then in their 40s and 50s trained to be lawyers.
Does she have an idea of what she would like to do as an actual job one day? This might help settle the worries about how she gets there. For example if its hairdressing or accounting, there are multiple paths to both and doing your qualifications later to get there isnt necessarily a barrier, the danger will be that she loses any ambition completely, so mapping out the next 5 years might be a good idea to givr her somethings to work towards.
I think pp ideas around trying to take english and maths only for now and maybe doing this via home ed might be really advantagous, as it will give her a headstart on her future plans.

I’d agree concentrate on baby for the moment and then think about whether dhe wants to go back repeating her current year or wait for adult education. This is all a lot on you all x

Another vote for an FE college, they can be more flexible.

No matter what she wants long term can I suggest she does a part time childcare course? Or at least a unit or two. By September she should be able to do the work with her eyes closed, it might be bit of a boost for her after being out of education.

I know things are not ideal, but congratulations on being a gran.

I don't blame her really. Anything you can do to support her not going back is good @LighterDays She could sit GCSEs another times, if she can't do them this Spring/Summer.

Good luck!

It’s really hard not to agree with you.

i personally had decided not to post on this thread as it is hard to understand where op stands. The daughter has just had a baby. Op says she has agreeed to look after baby when dd is doing school.

i know op wants the best for her daughter, but she seems to be either needing help to work out how to go about supporting her (op) ambition for her daughter or just focused on that unknown outcome above the baby and dd naturally needing to be with her baby.

speaking to LA and professionals is the right thing to do.

Congratulations.
Talk to the local authority about their vulnerable learners pathways. They should have a teenage mothers policy and may offer a tuition centre or EOTAS and other non school options to help keep DD engaged and avoiding NEET, before she's ready to engage with more formal learning

I didn’t want to chat about going back to work at 3 weeks post partum either!

I’d give her some grace… GCSE’s and school aren’t they be all and end all. I know that’s controversial but I left school at 15 and got a job straight away and I’m doing just fine…

She is still young, yes teenage pregnancy isn’t recommend or ideal but she’ll be ok.

I would support her on her choices but stop the “back to school” chat for a little while x

Is she living with you? I would probably recommend her getting a job or going back to school when she’s about 7-9 months pp. but chat about it later on

I remember you well OP, I felt so bad for you being ill when she went into labour.

I don't have experience but I agree with PPs to let her stay with baby for a while and worry about school next year. It's impossible to even imagine life juggling school and baby when baby is only a few weeks old. Her mind is probably fully occupied with the next feed etc. Her reluctance to leave the baby is probably a good thing, she is bonding well and her maternal instincts are strong.

Agreed

I'm hesitant to just dereg her from school and they haven't mentioned that at all they were supportive with her doing work at home before baby was born I haven't been able to properly be in touch with them since as I have had a long few weeks with my other child also at that school so I've not really had the time amongst also looking after my other children there's not enough time in the day

I'm not forcing her to do to school at 3 weeks pp or 8 or 9 for that matter. I'm posting to see if anyone has any advice or experiences of a 14+ college before I looked into it probably for September. We have no colleges in our area but there may be 14+ courses at a college she’d likely go to anyway as college probably would've been the next step anyway without a baby as her school has no sixth form provision

I do think it’d be good for her to go out and do something as socialising is still important and I worry she’d be quite isolated working at home as she's not yet said if she's going to look into baby groups as during pregnancy she said she was worried about being judged as she will be the youngest there. I don't know of there is much in the way of teen mum groups as I know that teen pregnancy has dropped so there may not be any but i could be wrong

Her ex he was at the birth with dd's dad (whole other story which was part of another thread I made) and he has been coming over to see baby and I have made it clear of there any sign of him being horrible etc he won't be allowed, dd registered him and he's not on the bc and he has our last name thankfully. His family aren't involved at all, his dad was really cruel when he found out dd was pregnant and said how did he know his son was the dad and called her a slag (we know where ex gets his behaviour from) so it is best baby is kept away from them as I doubt they'll add anything positive to his life

But I at least he’s making effort to see his child and hopefully will support financially?

OP you need to talk to someone senior at the school to work out what her options are. She may be able to go back in September in year 10, not 11, which would probably be her best option. Find out if it’s possible, that would make all the difference to her life options.

In my LA you would not be able to repeat year 10 sadly. If you home educated you will be taking on the complete responsibility for her education, this includes finding resources and paying for any exams she will want to take when she is ready . These can be between £200-£300 per subject. There is no funding for home education. We do have a 14-16 course at our local college you can go to and get your GCSE maths and English for free but you have to have been home educated for a year before hand and known to the local EHE team. As it stands education is meant to be in place from day 1 so the LA will still be expecting her to be doing some form of study e.g. learning child development and some maths and English and will ask you to complete a report on what she is learning and progress made. She will not be able to sit under the EHE team and doing nothing. Home education does not need to be expensive there are loads of free resources available. I would ask the school if she would be eligible for tuition online through the La either from the medical needs or virtual schools teams that way she is still on role and they still pay for any exams. This tuition is usually only for hand full of hours a day/week .

Just wanted to say you sound like a wonderful mum/grandma, really supportive. I mean it might not be how you imagined things working out for her but she and baby have a great start being in such a great and supportive sounding fam.
wishing all of you the best for the future xx

Just to say I think you should follow your instincts and at this stage, supporting her physical, mental and emotional health is way more important than GCSEs. These can be picked up at college later on if necessary.

This will enable her to be the best mum she can and give both her and her baby the best life chances going forward.

She must be emotionally reeling, she'll be in no place to do school work just yet. Most adult women would struggle going back to work at 8 weeks pp.

Very best wishes to you both, you sound like a lovely supportive mum xx

The worst thing about this is the specimen who impregnated your DD getting off Scott free! Where is his 50% contribution to raising his child? Why are only you and your DD having to rearrange your lives to accommodate baby? He may be a waster, but to my mind, if he were to cover 50% of costs and split childcare, then your DD would have a much better chance of having a good life. Also - if she is under 16, why hasn’t he been charged with rape/statutory rape?

My local sixth form do courses from 14+ but I think you would have to pay the exam fees as she would be home educated to do that I believe. I would be tempted to see if she could repeat year 10 but maybe elsewhere. I would be reluctant to send her back due to the bullying and her ex being there.

If both are under 16, in theory either could be seen as committing an offense but the CPS is unlikely to pursue a statutory rape charge when it comes to two under 16s having sex. There's more of a focus on safeguarding rather than prosecution.