Dd doesn't want to go back to school after giving birth

[LighterDays]

Reposting from Education forum in hopes to get more advice/experiences

You might remember me from my other threads but I've name changed again as I've posted some outing things.

My DD is 15 and she gave birth 2 nearly 3 weeks ago. She is supposed to be in year 10 and attended school up until Christmas, she had a horrible few weeks with her ex and his friends bullying her, name calling and he’d wait outside her classes to try and talk to her when she told him she didn't want to talk to him and it was quite intimidating to her. School weren't very supportive about this and it caused her a lot of stress so she didn't go in the last week or 2 but he isn't at the school now

Anyway after Christmas she was on what would probably be maternity leave, she studied at home though but since baby has been here she obviously hasn't. We never chatted about when she’d go back with the school or anything they just said let them know and keep them updated

She has said now she doesn't want to go back after Easter (he will only be 8 or 9 weeks old so I don't really blame her) so I don't think she will go back until September and even then she is sorta worried about leaving him from like 7:45 am (she left this time to get the bus) until nearly 4pm at 7 months but I guess that's how all parents feel

I'm just worried about how behind she will be in her GCSE year as she will have missed so much. I know 14+ colleges are a thing, I don't know if there are any locally but it would also help if it were more flexible rather than 8:30-3 days 5 days a week. I'd be caring for him most likely as that was agreed and I don't mind I just want her to do well.

If you/your dc have any experience of these colleges can you tell me know what its like? Also any advice in general would be appreciated

"I worry she’d be quite isolated working at home as she's not yet said if she's going to look into baby groups as during pregnancy she said she was worried about being judged as she will be the youngest there. I don't know of there is much in the way of teen mum groups as I know that teen pregnancy has dropped so there may not be any but i could be wrong"

This would worry me too. Because a) there is judgment out there and b) if all the other mums are much older they naturally have less in common. But I'd definitely want to focus on getting her good support like that. And helping her believe that she's a mother worthy of respect etc.

I’m a midwife with 2 degrees, but because I retrained late in life and my first degree was an age ago, I did an access course in health and social care first at a local college; it was 2 days a week and on my course were loads of people who never got their GCSE’s including one young woman who had a baby at 15 so missed them. She was doing maths and English alongside the access course, went to uni and is now a band 7 midwife earning more than me who did GCSE and A levels. Depending on what she wants to do, there will be different routes that she can take when she is ready.

What would be better is working out a plan for her to go back in education at some point. Do not send her to mother and baby groups they will only look in fear at their own little princesses. She needs to be around people her own age and plan her future because it's not just her anymore. She needs to plan for her future so she can give her little one the best start.

In reality, what do you think she will achieve if she does go back to school? Is she a hard worker, focussed, diligent, likely to do well in her GCSEs?

or is it more likely to be a complete waste of time and she wastes a lot of time and leaves with nothing?

What if the child in question had been ill for a substantial portion of the year? Surely they would have to consider a request for out of year education?

I think some posters missed in my op but yes I will be caring for him whilst she's at school/college whatever we decide. I think it will be best as schools (and probably colleges) here go back at the end of August so actually then he will only be 6 months and we all know what nueseries are like bugs wise so if he caught everything it would impact dd’s education too as babies want their mums when unwell and I don't know if dd would be comfortable leaving him when he's not well. Obviously we can't wrap him in a bubble forever but realistically a nursery won't benefit a 6 month old its more so parents can work etc they really benefit when they're older and he will be mixing with dd’s siblings and they're at school/nursery so he will be exposed to some bugs to hopefully build his immunity a bit I hope that makes sense

I do agree there may be some judgement or at least dd would feel awkward at baby groups

there was no charge as her ex is also under 16 and they spoke to dd and made sure it was consensual and she was really sure about wanting to keep the baby and she wasn't being coerced or anything but that was it and they had no concerns

To poster saying it's good he's seeing the baby in a sense yes but I can't help but be cynical that it's only to get in dd’s “good books” so he fan get back with her

@LighterDays If she wants to keep up with her maths and science GCSEs, there's a YouTube channel called Cognito with playlists covering each section of the syllabus for maths, biology, chemistry and physics. The videos for each section are only a few minutes long so they are good for short study periods when she has recovered more and is feeling up to it. It's completely free.

https://www.youtube.com/@Cognitoedu

Find a further education course that has an on-site nursery. Let your daughter investigate it’s her baby.
PS, why wouldn’t you want the dad to see his baby or maybe you’ve told us but I’ve missed it and if that’s so sorry

@LighterDays will her returning to school be a waste of time in all likelihood because she was never a diligent scholar heading for GCSE success?

Because if she wasn’t already thriving at school and making good progress, it is now almost a guarantee that she will just get to the end of GCsEs and won’t have one to her name if she wasn’t that type of student anyway

I think conversations around school right now must be stressful for her. I was a right mess 3 weeks after my babies and I''m in my 30's. Hormonally she must be all over the place. I'd say drop the school talk for now and let her recover.

That's a good question and I'm not sure tbh year 7 and majority of year 8 she was a good student, nevee in trouble and always gave her homework in on time etc. Then things changed a few months before the end of year 8 as her and ex started dating and she changed completely and was skipping school and her homework and attitude slipped ans she was getting detentions. Her brother started at that school the following academic year so she couldn’t skip school (she was leaving to ‘get the bus’ but obviously wasn’t getting it) as he could let me know but her attitude was still awful this is just the short version

When she found out she was pregnant she did start behaving and focusing on school more and then when she was home she did study from home

Why have you supported your child to have the baby? 15? That is so sad 😢

What would you do throw her out on the street 🤔

I agree with every word of this.

What do you expect her to have done? Convinced her to have an abortion? Waffled on endlessly about abortion?
If her daughter wanted to have her baby then of course she should be supporting her!

Her daughter didn’t know what she wanted. What 15-year-old wants a baby? Looks like mum just wanted to be a mummy again.

Probably not many. But I’m surprised you can’t tell the difference in emotions between taking contraceptives and having an abortion.

No of course she shouldnt go back yet, she can get back into education any time at any level.

If she was at work she would be on maternity leave for a while yet, well for most public employers anyway.

Honestly I cant imagine being mentally or physically able to go back to school (or work) that soon after giving birth. I think you're expecting too much.

Let her enjoy the baby stage and let her sleep and get as much rest as she can. She is only 15 and is still developing herself, she needs to be rested and as stress free as possible for her brain to keep maturing.

Maybe try some home schooling for Maths and English GCSE. If that goes well she could look at taking them at the same time as her peers (this year?). She could also study for a third one of her choice, something more hobby-like that she would enjoy. Maybe look online and see if there is a homeschooling hub or groups in your area she could join in with around the baby. Instead of 6 hours at school each day she could do 1-2 hours of home study.

The rest I would postpone tbh. Its not the "normal" path but it's ok.

Actually i didn’t want to be “mummy” again my youngest child is only 2 and i was over the baby stage finally when dd got pregnant she was living with her dad and when i found out i spoke to her and gave her options 1) keep the baby 2) have an abortion 3) i raise the baby for her fully or 4) i raise the baby but she has input on how he’s raised and she’s legally his mum the conversation was totally unbiased and she said she wanted to keep the baby so i supported her i wouldn’t have encouraged her to have sex and get pregnant at 14 which is how old she was especially not with who the dad is

so answer how I wanted to be mummy if she’s raising him… he’s in her room at night and she does everything i’m just going to be doing childcare when she’s in education

Because it would be sex with a child and assuming they are both the same age abd the sex was consensual they would both be guilty of the same thing ,and its not in the public interest to prosecute.

He's a child isnt he? What is he going to contribute, his pocket money?

And rape? Are you joking?

I don’t think we should be gas lighting 15 year olds in to believing they don’t know what they want. She has a brain. The options will have been mentioned to her, if not by her mum by her Gp, midwife, school nurse. How difficult is it to believe that a 15 year old made a decision she was happy with?

What if she had an abortion? Does that magically mean you would now agree she knew what she wanted?

Just keep her on roll at school OP, not attending due to what should be authorised absence due to being a mum and then join a college in September if she is ready for that. Keeping her on roll means they have a responsbility to her but it needs to be clear she is not studying on site.

I wouldn’t be rushing her back into education, let her focus on the baby and being a mum. It’s still very early days after all and the first year can fly by so quickly. You don’t want her to regret not being around for the baby more when she/he was small.

GCSE’s can be done at any age, the very important ones are maths and English really, if she can get those at some point 1-2 years down the line that will open doors for her to study further. There are also level 2 functional skills maths and English courses which are the equivalent of a gcse, which may suit her situation better. They’re a little bit less intensive than an actual gcse but still regarded as proper qualifications and can be done along side a course that will lead her into what ever career/job she wants to do. This is what I did when doing an apprenticeship through my job, couldn’t find my GCSE certs so did the FS level 2 maths and English along side it and it was fine, even had to resit the maths a couple of times before finally passing and it wasn’t a problem. I did it in my 30’s so there really is no time limit on this, she has plenty of time to decide and make a life for herself.

It’s definitely worth looking at what colleges in your area offer, I’m sure there will be something that suits her situation. She won’t be the first nor the last teen mum. It wouldn’t hurt to talk to the school about her options, but don’t let them pressure you or her into coming back before she’s ready.