Dd doesn't want to go back to school after giving birth

[LighterDays]

Reposting from Education forum in hopes to get more advice/experiences

You might remember me from my other threads but I've name changed again as I've posted some outing things.

My DD is 15 and she gave birth 2 nearly 3 weeks ago. She is supposed to be in year 10 and attended school up until Christmas, she had a horrible few weeks with her ex and his friends bullying her, name calling and he’d wait outside her classes to try and talk to her when she told him she didn't want to talk to him and it was quite intimidating to her. School weren't very supportive about this and it caused her a lot of stress so she didn't go in the last week or 2 but he isn't at the school now

Anyway after Christmas she was on what would probably be maternity leave, she studied at home though but since baby has been here she obviously hasn't. We never chatted about when she’d go back with the school or anything they just said let them know and keep them updated

She has said now she doesn't want to go back after Easter (he will only be 8 or 9 weeks old so I don't really blame her) so I don't think she will go back until September and even then she is sorta worried about leaving him from like 7:45 am (she left this time to get the bus) until nearly 4pm at 7 months but I guess that's how all parents feel

I'm just worried about how behind she will be in her GCSE year as she will have missed so much. I know 14+ colleges are a thing, I don't know if there are any locally but it would also help if it were more flexible rather than 8:30-3 days 5 days a week. I'd be caring for him most likely as that was agreed and I don't mind I just want her to do well.

If you/your dc have any experience of these colleges can you tell me know what its like? Also any advice in general would be appreciated

I can imagine heading back to work with a baby that young, so can understand. Can she enrol in an online programme for GCSE’s, even if it’s just English and maths. They’re so important for her future

She can then try to fit it around nap times or bed times for baby. It’s something I’ve done with my professional qualifications over 3.5 years as a mum. My friend also started professional qualifications when baby was 4 months old (& worked full time), so flexible learning is viable with a baby

Home educate her- she is a mother to a young baby who needs her,she can study ar home and go take her gces. Seesh take some responsibility and help your child out

I absolutely don’t blame her. I was doing a degree and in my 30s when I had my very planned first baby. I took a year off. There is a reason most of us aren’t rushing back to work at 3 weeks postpartum. It sounds like she needs to explore her options. If she truly can’t take time out then I’d be ‘home schooling’ in a half hearted way until she’s ready and she can consider alternative options for GCSE preparation.

Has she a plan for when baby is older, how to support herself and her child?

Im actually shocked you think you can put her as a mother back to school as if she was away on a skiing holiday- she has a baby who needs her mother, your daughter will have changed mentally and physically. Home education is only way for her, to meet her and her babies needs

I agree the easiest option is to study at home. I can't imagine her wanting to go back to school she will get bullied poor girl.

Oh, I can understand why you are worried for her but I think you have to try and look at this objectively. She is now a mum and her mum instincts are working beautifully. This is the most important thing now, for both your daughter and your grandson’s wellbeing in the long term. Many women have been in her position and returned to study and thrived, I’m sure she will at the right time for her.

Most colleges only offer maths and English GCSE,s they do offer level one courses
Also im not sure how easy it is to repeat a year
My sons had a terrible time in year eleven as he ended up critically ill in ICU and missed a lot of the year ,there wasn't an option to resit the year in his case .

Its been such a short time, she’s probably still a mess physically, and she’s barely had time to get used to being a mum.

I’d sack off school for the rest of the year, then restart year ten in September in a normal school (maybe a new one?) if she wants to. Other options are homeschool and college.

She could look at doing online school, at her own pace, at home with the baby.

I am glad to read of your concern and support for your DD, not all mothers in the same situation would value continuing education as you do.

Talk to the school as a first step, the other suggestions may help.

I definitely wouldn’t expect her to go back now.

Maybe talk to the school about other options- taking GCSEs at a college in a year or two or finding an online school provider she can study with.

Op what you need to remember she is still a child herself. Yes she's a mother and a child with no experience of the world. You know the authorities will be watching because she is under 16. I would look into Oxford home schooling their packages are cheap and she will get her GCSEs at the end. You will have to apply to a school who accepts outside candidate's and pay a small fee. Good luck

I'm not going to force her to go to school after Easter because I wouldn't want to leave my baby after 8/9 weeks either

When dd went on what would be maternity leave they sent some work/power points home so she didn't totally miss out and she was working out of books but since baby has came she hasn't which is understandable, she may in a few months when he's in a napping routine and things and school have just said to keep them updated and they can put support in place but even though they were accommodating to her being pregnant and made some allowances they weren't very good about the bullying so in a way I think she has lost trust in the school. All they did was telling her to get another bus at a different time as the ex was also waiting at dd’s bus stop (baring in mind the bus is infrequent and the bus dd was getting was the first bus of the day and the next one wouldn't come until 8:30 making her late so it wasn't an option) and they out them in different classes which was down to sets anyway and not the bullying there was no way for her to avoid him in a smallish school and it just caused anxiety that she didn't need and even though he isn't at the school anymore his friends obviously are

I can't afford to enrol her in online school unfortunately, I don't know if repeating year 10 is an option due to her not being summer born and you can only defer if they are (is that right? ). There is a closer secondary school within a 15 min walk but it requires improvement as does dd’s current school and that could be even worse than the current

She's not 100% sure on what she wants to do in the future, but for her options last year she chose Spanish, health and social care and photography but she was allowed to drop Spanish (as she hadn't started it yet by sept). She only did about 3 months of her GCSE options as her schools don't start until Y10

Apologies if I've missed any questions I'll reread the replies in a bit

I agree with what pretty much everyone has said.

Sounds like it’s far far too soon for her to go back after Easter as the baby will be tiny and she will still being recovering. Even though she’s young, she’s still a Mum, and needs the same chance everyone gets to recover and bond with the baby.

I don’t think she should be trying to “keep up” with her education and remain in the same year at the same school. Sounds like she should be going to a different school or preferably a college, and at the very earliest do this in September. Either to restart yr 10 or to focus on a smaller number of subjects.

It’s important to find out all the options (not necessarily immediately) and find the one that best fits what she wants for herself and her baby. The best you can do is keep supporting her and her choices, but going back to the same school in the same year after Easter sounds like the worst thing you could encourage her to do.

Those boys sound horrible and very intimidating, and she should be as far from them as possible.

let the school know she will be home educated and contact home ed officer in your local authority for signposting, course info etc, to consider for next year but if she wants to be left in peace for now to get head around being a mother you dont have to notify anyone beside the school that she wont be returning- by law you have to provide education for your child but some families are “off the radar” who dont wish to provide reports to LA etc

It's not as simple as 'studying at home' or 'just home educate' at GCSE level.

The vast majority of parents don't have anything close to the knowledge or expertise to teach GCSE work and tutors are unlikely to be affordable for most families.

I would speak to the council about whether they are able to provide any funding for online school. No idea if they can but the lyndo have a duty to educate her and it may be impractical for you to home school as you’re also looking after a baby. Worth exploring.

Agree with PPs, she will lose nothing by missing the year at this stage.

I would be making it clear that she absolutely must go back and take her exams, perhaps keep the discussion going by timely reminders every so often, but I cannot see any advantage to making go back so soon with such a young baby, especially if the school have been so unhelpful.

She will probably be fairly desperate to get back to real life after a few months more of motherhood!

Tbh I would be speaking to the LA and finding out what her options are ,they must have dealt with situations like this before
She wont be the first teenage girl to have a baby whilst still at school.

You can repeat year 10. There’s funding available for a child to have an extra year of state education if needed.

Whilst I agree she shouldn't be forced back so early, im not sure she can just repeat a year at school?
And IME at least most colleges only offer Maths and English GCSE resits.

Oxford home schooling is worth looking into I think you'll be surprised at how cheap it is. I've homeschooled it's not as expensive as what people think. It's a lot cheaper than nursery or a childminder. She needs minimum English and Maths GCSEs. There is loads of resources on the internet she can use.

Thats usually in a college though .

Under the circumstances I don't think school would be the right environment for her. She would be better going to a college inSeptdmber and carrying on there with her studies.