Dd doesn't want to go back to school after giving birth

[LighterDays]

Reposting from Education forum in hopes to get more advice/experiences

You might remember me from my other threads but I've name changed again as I've posted some outing things.

My DD is 15 and she gave birth 2 nearly 3 weeks ago. She is supposed to be in year 10 and attended school up until Christmas, she had a horrible few weeks with her ex and his friends bullying her, name calling and he’d wait outside her classes to try and talk to her when she told him she didn't want to talk to him and it was quite intimidating to her. School weren't very supportive about this and it caused her a lot of stress so she didn't go in the last week or 2 but he isn't at the school now

Anyway after Christmas she was on what would probably be maternity leave, she studied at home though but since baby has been here she obviously hasn't. We never chatted about when she’d go back with the school or anything they just said let them know and keep them updated

She has said now she doesn't want to go back after Easter (he will only be 8 or 9 weeks old so I don't really blame her) so I don't think she will go back until September and even then she is sorta worried about leaving him from like 7:45 am (she left this time to get the bus) until nearly 4pm at 7 months but I guess that's how all parents feel

I'm just worried about how behind she will be in her GCSE year as she will have missed so much. I know 14+ colleges are a thing, I don't know if there are any locally but it would also help if it were more flexible rather than 8:30-3 days 5 days a week. I'd be caring for him most likely as that was agreed and I don't mind I just want her to do well.

If you/your dc have any experience of these colleges can you tell me know what its like? Also any advice in general would be appreciated

Is she being offered anything through virtual school? Tutoring etc? Just enough that she can take at least maths and English GCSE’s? If she’s on role at a school but not able to attend they should step in. It wouldn’t be much but it would be something.

then maybe focus on college. She could do a level 1 course in something she is interested in and work her way up to level 3 if she wanted.

There is time and she is young. I hardly attended school in my last couple of years for other reasons and only passed 2 GCSE’s. I also dropped out of college due to being pregnant. I now have a degree and a professional career, so it’s not the end. It’s just she may need to take a different and slightly longer route or get there.

Honestly op let her be a mum and recover from the birth. Education can be done later. Congratulations to you and your daughter x

I think this is an astonishingly unfair response. The OP is supporting her daughter extensively and has made it clear that she would be caring for the baby when her daughter returns to school, which is a huge commitment and amount of assistance to offer. Her daughter is really lucky to have her.

I dont have any experience of missing school but I did have a shit maths teacher who seemed to hate or be oblivious to me. Either way she had very low expectations. I used the exam board study guides for maths and ended up getting one of the highest marks in the year. My point is that she can easily keep up with at least maths and probably the other key subjects by spending 1 or 2 hours per day going over the syllabus using the study guides - they are really good!. That gives her the ability to stay off for this school year to concentrate on the baby, and still be on track which ever option she choses afterwards.

You dont have any personal experience with home ed do you? Home ed kids use programs like IXL (schools use it too), not to insult teachers but i can see the future where teachers wont be needed anymore and ai will do the teaching

This is the best solution. To another school perhaps.

Her daughter will be likely bullied, while other children talk about hobbies and stuff as teens do she will talk about her baby- she is now in an adult world, regardless what the op thinks. Her baby needs her mother not grandmother, her daughter needs time to bond with her baby and get grips with motherhood, how long is paid maternity leave for adult women- 39 weeks, for a woman to recover physically,let hormones settle,bond etc and thats on a short side some eu countries have it 3 years fully paid. OP wants to send her child back at 3 weeks pp like she just hasnt bee through a major change in her life that sometimes even takes a toll on fully grown women who suffer from PND. Crazy.

Are there any local young parent support groups in the area - they may have more insight into college courses and other educational options.

Or are there any local careers services?

I would try contacting any local colleges - see what they offer there may be childcare there may not - the infomratoion may well be on-line anyway.

Local councils here do GCSE maths and English courses at set times of year at certain local libaraies - you do have to pay unless on certain benefits.

I'm not sure rushing back to an unsupportive school going to be huegly helpful and a new start at a college in septemebr may well be more realistic.

Does she know what she wants to do post college? Agree with posters saying to focus on maths and English so she can get into college courses. Have you spoken to the school to perhaps look at reduced timetable to focus on 4/5 subjects including maths and English.

This may be no help at all since I don't have children but I would just say that if you are worried about her missing her chances if she doesn't go back, then please don't. I dropped out of school at 16, had no qualifications whatsoever. Went to work and then went on to complete two degrees in my early 30s - by that point unis were much more interested in my life experience over the fact that I didn't finish my education 15 years prior and any compulsory subjects I had to complete to GCSE level were done in a test center without much bother.

Yep.

I was going to say, I was looked at like I had two heads when I suggested my son repeating a year due to serious illness and this was primary school.

He missed most of Year 3 and was due to start Year 4 for the first time after the Easter holidays. He started back in Year 4 after Easter and school never even considered him repeating a year. He's in Year 5 now and this is the first full school year he's had since Year 2!

3 weeks postpartum she will likely still have lochia, uterus wont have returned to its normal size until 2 months pp at least, she hasnt even had her 6 weeks mother baby checkup with the gp etc- OP if this post wasnt about your daughter i would think you have never had a child or completely lack any sense or compassion.

To be fair, OP isn't saying she should go back right now at 3 weeks postpartum. She very clearly said it was supposed to be after Easter and has also very clearly said that she won't force it.

I don't see OP lacking sense or compassion at all.

I had mine at 16 and went to school within a month and looking back, it was far too rushed and I wish I had taken the time to recover properly (most of that month was spent in the hospital as I had complications postpartum). It was a different country where you do fail the year so it was a little bit different circumstances.

It's down to her choices but I’d move schools, even if it’s not the greatest school ever. It will allow her a fresh start without having to deal with bullying, which is what she needs. Most schools don’t deal with bullying properly.

This and possibly a different school if needed. I taught a lovely girl years ago aged 14 she had a baby in year 9 - she came back the following year but did year 9 again - I have to say it changed her and in a good way - she came back focussed and hardworking -her Mum looked after the baby she did GCSEs and A levels and went to university. We watched out for her when she came back as there had been nasty comments. I hope the boys parents are stepping up and providing some sort of CMS until he can.

I think it would be very difficult for her to repeat year 10 at school from a social point of view. She would be older than her peers and a mother. I think making new friends would be difficult. You probably need to think out of the box at college and alternative routes to maximise her chances in an environment which can offer more flexibility than school and where there may be other young mums for her to have a peer group that can be mutually supportive.

I think if she's being bullied maybe its no bad thing if she doesn't go back, and I'm sure she could retake year 10 in September, but I think you should speak to the LA and see exactly what her options are and maybe college would be the better option so she doesn't have to face those boys again? There's probably far more support for young mothers there too.

I think definitely take the pressure off for now and let her know she can relax about school and just concentrate on her baby for the time being. Xx

I had my daughter when I was 16 and just about to sit my gcse's. This was in 2004 though! She was born in May and my GCSE's started a week later. The school were fab at the time and allowed me to bring her in for the exams, the headteacher actually sat with her in her office so I didnt need to miss any, they actually also let me bring her to class on a few occasions when I was in sixth form! I'm not sure that would be as well received now though!

In terms of 'maternity leave', I finished school at Easter, so probably had 4ish weeks before hand but they were so flexible and great at sending work home.

I'd be surprised if they couldn't keep her on roll for now and make adjustments for her to learn at home if she felt she needed to do that? Although (and I know everyone is different), if she has childcare available - I'd really suggest she considers going back as soon as possible, even if it's part time. It's so important to stay connected to friends and the wider school community and it will be so much harder to integrate after a long break.

Another let her be a mum and not go back to school vote from me.

Most of my decent education was done once I started work and could access different training. Theres loads of time for her to decide about school and GCSEs.
Some good advice in these comments too 😊

I will say that I think she should be off for the time being. Her body has just been through a massive change, shes grown a human and she should be given a mat leave type option of staying home. She could be bleeding for weeks, leaking milk, hormones etc. After my first baby there was not a hole in my body that wasn’t leaking either blood milk or tears. The sweating on top too. Couldn’t bare to leave the house never mind go to school. I was 26 aswell 🤣 Let her stay home and bond with her babu. Figure out life later

I would let her remain at home and then look into functional skills English and Maths when she is 16+

Could you deregister and home school? I hear there's lots of options available online to help her learn. You sound incredibly supportive so you could help with childcare whilst she still learns.

OP I’m sorry your daughter is in this situation and you are rightly worried about her education. This however is a lot of pressure on a brand new mum and especially one who is essentially a child herself. Could she not take some time out to fully recover, bond with her baby and figure things out long term. You are right that she will be behind her peers but trying to keep up with them and with the original GCSE timeline is unrealistic. She has a very long life ahead of her and she has opportunities to get where she wants to get to, particularly because she has your support. I would support her in focusing on her baby and her physical and mental health at the moment. Take a year out and plan long term. Good luck to you both.

You possibly need to speak to the council about education other than at school (EOTAS) if going into a physical school isn't viable for her. They have the responsibility to provide her education.

She’s only three weeks post giving birth, a major life experience, so her head is probably all over the place.

Let her focus on being a mum, looking after her child . Academia can wait.

Apologies for not having read the entire thread. I was formerly in a specialist education setting before retirement. I would try to contact the EOTAS (education other than at school) team if your council have one. They will have links to tutors etc I would also say think about baby and daughter first, then education. She can get qualifications later, If she does anything just concentrate on English and Maths. Best of luck.