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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Keeping DD off school due to period

260 replies

Girlymum26 · 04/03/2026 12:28

My DD is 10 years old and is in year 5 at school and just started her period for the first time on Sunday evening this week and she came and told me as soon as she noticed.

We have had plenty of chats about it and she’s had the lessons in school so knows all about it and why she had them and even about changing pads and she seemed to take it in her stride, although a little bit embarrassed.

I was at work on Monday and Tuesday this week and my husband made her go to school as he does the drop of these days and said it’s “just a period” and that she couldn’t stay off school for it. I had no say in it as start work at 6am.

She’s leaked both Monday and Tuesday and she said she’s really sore where her pads have been rubbing her skin and leaking and her tummy hurts so I’ve kept her off today as it’s my day off.

Ive given her some calpol, some sudocreme for her sore rash and ordered some of the lil-lets teen pads which are more narrow so shouldn’t rub anymore and got some period pants too to protect against any leaks. We are just having a quiet girly day to help her get to grips with it all but I’ve explained she will need to go to school tomorrow and Friday.

I’ve called school and explained why she wasn’t in and they were really sympathetic and her teacher called me back and has said she can go to toilet during lessons if she wants to change her pad as it was turns out she was too embarrassed to change it when anyone else was in the bathroom at the same time and that is she’s going to struggle with PE this week they won’t make her do it.

Husband is not happy I’ve kept her off and said I’m making a rod for my own back even though I’ve explained it’s just for today, to help her out a bit.

AIBU to have kept her off do you think?

OP posts:
Duvetdayneeded · 04/03/2026 12:35

First period? Why not. Sounds like she’s having a rough time and as long as she knows it’s a one off, fine. Pads need to be made so they open quietly… why are manufacturers not tackling this! I used to spend ages opening it very slowly so no one would know. Missing the odd pe lesson isnt going to hurt either.

MargeryBargery · 04/03/2026 12:41

I teach year 5 and I absolutely back you up in this.

They're still very young and being among the first to start takes some processing and getting used to.

BudgetBuster · 04/03/2026 12:43

Fairly obvious your husband is oblivious to the shit women have to endure for the vast majority of their lives.... and starting at the young age of 10 I'd say she's taking it in her stride.

The teacher sounds great, and absolutely you are right to let her have one day off at this hugely defining (and obviously uncomfortable) time of her life.

SoMentallyDrained · 04/03/2026 12:46

When was your husband's last period? Oh, he hasn't had one? No say then unfortunately.

Merryoldgoat · 04/03/2026 12:47

YANBU but you need to ensure your daughter can advocate for herself. She needs to not see her period as an embarrassment and be able to use the toilet as needed regardless of who is in the vicinity.

I remember girls being crippled with anxiety and embarrassment when they had their period at school and it was really awful for them.

Chamomileteaplease · 04/03/2026 12:48

Your husband sounds really uncaring 😟.

Starting your very first period on a Sunday night?! Poor thing. Of course it takes a while to get to know how to manage it all and home is the best place to to that.

Plus stomache.

I hope her day with you has helped her to get used to it whilst in a safe environment and she will be better prepared next month, both physically and mentally.

Maybe remind your husband that yes she will be fine in time but it's her first time! Ugh.

Member984815 · 04/03/2026 13:00

It's her first one , she might feel a bit emotional aswell as being sore it'll do her no harm this once and the teacher sounds like they are supportive for next time

Catza · 04/03/2026 13:26

I am a little torn on this. On one hand, I absolutely don't think your husband gets to have an opinion on this unless he is sporting a uterus. On the other hand, I'd hate for your daughter to think that period is some kind of an illness that needs to be managed with time off school. So I think, I would make it clear that this is a one off helping her to process a big change in life and next month will be business as usual.
Having said that, I had awful period pains as a child and could really use some time off school a few times. Alas, there was no such option offered.

arethereanyleftatall · 04/03/2026 13:28

i really really hope for all your sakes that your husband isn’t ordinarily the completely misogynistic cunt he sounds here. How utterly vile and dismissive of him. Yanbu.

Watchoutfortheslowaraf · 04/03/2026 13:28

Having never experienced a period, your husband does not get a say. She is ten years old and only year 5 ffs! It’s not ‘just a period’ right now- it’s a very big deal to her and something that many of her peers won’t be experiencing yet. You absolutely did the right thing for her

Reachforthestars00 · 04/03/2026 13:29

Bless her. Year 5 is young. I'd have kept her off too. Not always, but definitely first time. Period pants are a wonderful invention!

19lottie82 · 04/03/2026 13:29

As a one off, I’d say it’s fine.

arethereanyleftatall · 04/03/2026 13:30

Catza · 04/03/2026 13:26

I am a little torn on this. On one hand, I absolutely don't think your husband gets to have an opinion on this unless he is sporting a uterus. On the other hand, I'd hate for your daughter to think that period is some kind of an illness that needs to be managed with time off school. So I think, I would make it clear that this is a one off helping her to process a big change in life and next month will be business as usual.
Having said that, I had awful period pains as a child and could really use some time off school a few times. Alas, there was no such option offered.

It is some kind of an illness if she has a tummy ache

Pyjamatimenow · 04/03/2026 13:33

Year 5 is young. Bless her. Get her some period knickers though. My dd is 12 and loves them. Your husband doesn’t get an opinion on periods

Starlight7080 · 04/03/2026 13:35

My eldest got hers at 9 . It was awful for her to navigate in school . So we did end up having her stay home the first couple of days . Then it was quite light and manageable. She also didnt get it every month at first .
She was very distraught every time she did get it .
We did get called in to a meeting and i explained the reasons and thankfully the school had no problems and we did work at home those days .

WhatNextImScared · 04/03/2026 13:35

Get her some teen period pants so she doesn’t need to change during the school day - that might make a difference about how she feels about it and prevent leaking

Toomanysofttoys · 04/03/2026 13:36

Period pain can feel like you are sick so definitely keep her home until it passes and I'd do the same any month it happens not just a one off. The 3rd day of period can be the worst.
Your husband needs a talking to and a reality check. Would he go to work bleeding with stomach ache?

WhatNextImScared · 04/03/2026 13:38

Also agree that your DH needs to back the fuck off. Tell him in no uncertain terms YOU will support your DD through this and he gets absolutely no input.

Diosmonet · 04/03/2026 13:39

She is only 10!!! Of course you let her stay off while she navigates her first period. Aside from the physical aspect, she will be navigating her emotions too.

This is a huge event for her and I would absolutely keep my dd off school while she processes this fundamental biological change in her young life.

I would be deeply disappointed in her father opposing this. He needs to develop some compassion and sit this one out.

Latenightreader · 04/03/2026 13:39

I remember getting my first period the day before a camping/driving holiday in France with my mum and her then boyfriend. I was older than your daughter but found it all very difficult because I had no idea how to decide if I needed to change and was really worried about leaking. I have a lot of sympathy for your daughter and think keeping her at home as a one off is fine.

Nickyknackered · 04/03/2026 13:40

Yes in the words of Rachel to Ross:

No uterus; no opinion.

skyeisthelimit · 04/03/2026 13:40

To quote Rachel in Friends - no uterus no opinion! Your DH doesn't understand.

You are doing the right thing by DD. My DD used the Lillets pads for a few years as she couldn't stand anything bigger. In the early days, she didn't change her pad due to forgetting (SEN) and she absolutely stank, so it is important that they understand the need and that they do change pads frequently. DD was allowed to use the disabled toilet in primary as there weren't any sanitary bins in the girls toilets. Period pants are great too for extra security

Just make it clear to DD that it's a one off while she gets to grips with everything and that she will have to go to school/work etc (barring extreme problems).

I have endo and often had to take time off school and work due to having agonizing periods, but DD has thankfully been OK.

helloisitmeyouneed · 04/03/2026 13:43

All the people saying it’s not an illness this is a 10 year old child navigating a massive life change! It can definitely be like an illness if you experience significant pain.

Op definitely not unreasonable to keep her off. I would be so disappointed in DH for not being supportive especially after she had leaked! Next time he’s ill maybe he needs to be told it’s just a headache/cough whatever and that he should stop moaning

Fedupoftheshits · 04/03/2026 13:46

You are not unreasonable at all, you sound like a lovely caring mum who did the right thing.

Your husband on the other hand…

YorksMa · 04/03/2026 13:48

Sorry but your husband sounds arrogant and insensitive. He's never experienced this himself and has zero clue. Starting periods at 10 must be very difficult to navigate - your daughter deserves support, not judgement. So glad she has you and her kind teacher. He sounds like a prat.