Keeping DD off school due to period

[Girlymum26]

My DD is 10 years old and is in year 5 at school and just started her period for the first time on Sunday evening this week and she came and told me as soon as she noticed.

We have had plenty of chats about it and she’s had the lessons in school so knows all about it and why she had them and even about changing pads and she seemed to take it in her stride, although a little bit embarrassed.

I was at work on Monday and Tuesday this week and my husband made her go to school as he does the drop of these days and said it’s “just a period” and that she couldn’t stay off school for it. I had no say in it as start work at 6am.

She’s leaked both Monday and Tuesday and she said she’s really sore where her pads have been rubbing her skin and leaking and her tummy hurts so I’ve kept her off today as it’s my day off.

Ive given her some calpol, some sudocreme for her sore rash and ordered some of the lil-lets teen pads which are more narrow so shouldn’t rub anymore and got some period pants too to protect against any leaks. We are just having a quiet girly day to help her get to grips with it all but I’ve explained she will need to go to school tomorrow and Friday.

I’ve called school and explained why she wasn’t in and they were really sympathetic and her teacher called me back and has said she can go to toilet during lessons if she wants to change her pad as it was turns out she was too embarrassed to change it when anyone else was in the bathroom at the same time and that is she’s going to struggle with PE this week they won’t make her do it.

Husband is not happy I’ve kept her off and said I’m making a rod for my own back even though I’ve explained it’s just for today, to help her out a bit.

AIBU to have kept her off do you think?

She's 10 years old and it is her first period - it's not like @Girlymum26 is planning on letting her have days off every month.

Next month (or more likely when she has her next one in a few months) she will know more about what to expect.

No matter how prepared you are, a first period is always daunting and to have it so young, when none of your friends have likely started and you haven't entered that 'teenage girls who talk about everything' phase makes it even more difficult.

@Girlymum26 - you've done the right thing and your husband needs to give his head a wobble.

I second period pants - my eldest didn't start until she was 15 but she swears by them and only ever uses pads if she is particularly heavy or has run out of clean period pants! Get her the swimming costume too if she swims or for holidays, that way, if she is on her period, she won't have to deal with tampons!

I wouldn't keep her off unless she was obviously unwell. I would give her paracetamol before school, period pants and a note excusing her from PE.

For a first time yes but don’t make this a regular thing. Year 5 is very young though. With the period pants, make sure she’s wearing a pad too. My flow is too heavy to leave a pair of period pants on for hours.

DD started her period at 10, but in the summer hols before Y6. She has used period pants since she started - these will solve a lot of problems around flooding, leaking, changing and PE. She’d recommend ModiBodi and Primark, shorts style.

Your DH needs to take your lead on this though. I do sympathise with your dd though, I had awful periods until I was 20 or so, which was awkward as a teenage swimmer, but life goes on.

They didn't have the knickers/recyclable things when I was a girl, but I would use these nowadays-no noise. If 100 other people have posted this, sorry.

Then, perhaps, you could redirect your passion to campaigning for monthly sick day for women of the UK rather than insinuating that I have no empathy or imagination. I, unfortunately, was a teenager sick in bed with period pains and multiple cases of accidental analgesia overdose so I don't need imagination to comprehend that some women have painful periods. However, periods is something that women need to manage for decades and to be able to talk about them openly. Therefore, I believe (and I don't suggest that everyone should believe the same) that teaching young women that it is something our bodies do is better than to perpetuate the idea that it is an illness or something to be ashamed of.
And before you come at me, I am talking about periods in the absence of a diagnosed or suspected medical condition such as PCOS or endometriosis.

Just a period?! You need to get him one of those period pain simulator belts and tell him he needs to wear it all day before opening his mouth again.

I started at 10 years old. It was horrendous, especially as I am from an age where people didn’t really talk about periods at all. I remember the pain freaking me out. It was nothing like the ‘mild discomfort’ the pamphlet I was given described. 100% I would keep a ten year old dd off school. My girls are grown up now but as I suffered with my periods for over 40 years I was always very sympathetic to how they felt when they had a period. My mother had light periods and never really grasped how much I was suffering.

I would be livid with him. Period swimming underwear are very good. They come in dark colours and are comfortable to wear.
It’s awful when they’re so young, stressful times.

As a one off but you need to give her the skills so she isn’t embarrassed to use the school toilets, a
d it sounds like you have extra supplies ordered. I also highly recommend ibroprofen and teaching her to swallow tablets so she can sneak a pack into her school bag rather than calpol, i didn’t use liquid past age 6 with mine, and lots cheaper too

A monthly sick day for all women isn’t a very good idea, and will result in further discrimination against women, and isn’t needed for all.

what is a good idea however, is if Betty is in pain due to her period , is not to dismiss it with ‘get on with it,Sandra can’.
I have never said anyone should be ashamed of their period, not sure why you’ve written that.

Well op couldn't manifest period pants for today, she was unwell I that she had a sore rash somewhere delicate and her tummy hurts. As a one day one off that's pretty reasonable

Show DH the blood soaked clothing due to leaks -surely he can think back then to school and how embarrassing blood soaked clothing would be -and how cruel children can be - he sounds clueless- don’t hide the d pads from him - I’m not sure why they are chafing. Maybe too wet so she needs supplied with bags for used pads so she can change more often.

When I first had periods (later put on the pill) I would sit on the loo with diarrea?sp, whilst leaning over the sink being sick. Severe cramps and heavy flow. Horrible. Thankfully things are better today.

My DD is 14 and not started yet and I will 100% keep her off if necessary- at year 5 there is no question if she needs it!

Hope your dd is having a good day at home with mum. I also hope that her school has made good arrangements for Y5 and Y6 girls who are menstruating.

At my old school ALL year five and six girls were annually at the start of the school year given information about where to get emergency period products in school , we had made up packs including a change of pants and wipes - there were several named staff in case of absence - and also where to dispose of used pads ( there was a little private toilet / sink/ bin next to the medical room that they were allowed to use ) , there was also a second sanitary towel bin in a toilet next to the Y6 classrooms.

I think the advent of period pants has been a revelation and a welcome revolution, but we all know it is easy to be caught out. I think all primary schools should have period arrangements in place, but sadly many don’t. If I had a daughter at Primary school this is something I would be asking about.

I'd actually like to see how men would cope with this, as well as childbirth. There would be hospital wards full of them is my bet. I think you sound like a great mum 😊

Im with you OP. 10 is young to start periods, and she needs a little time to get used to it and find the right pads that are comfortable. Its a difficult time. I remember going to school on my first period and I felt embarrassed and awkward as if everyone would know, and I was older at 13
For a ten year old I wouldn't send her to school. A couple of days off wonr hurt.

I period no opinion.

Oh look. Twatty husband brings mansplaining to a whole new level. Silly sod.

I'm guessing that the number of periods your husband has had is... zero. That's also the amount of say he should get in this matter. Sounds like you are doing great!

My DD was also 10 when her 1st period started and it seems so unfair. Period pants from Primark were brilliant for her. She was very comfortable and she didn't need to change during school day.

Thank you to everyone who has replied, finally catching up with all the posts.

Weve had a quiet day of cuddles, hot water bottles and chatting about how often to change pads, just so she doesn’t get so sore (and for hygiene).

We’re very lucky that her teacher is supportive. They have sanitary bins in every cubicle in the girls toilets in year 5 and 6 which is good.

Ive ordered some period pants already but im grateful to those who mentioned they do period swimwear too, shes a competitive swimmer for the youth team in local area so at least she won’t have to stop doing that.

I’m going to be having a strict word with her dad tonight, he needs to be more supportive as I often do 12 hour shifts at work whilst he’s mostly WFH so she may need to approach him at some point. My mother in law is pretty proactive (and also retired) so could be on hand if need be if I’m not around.

Her 16 year old brother overheard the conversation with school (he’s first year sixth form so wasn’t in this morning) and his response was to go out and buy her some chocolate ❤️

One of ours started their periods at 10. It would never have occurred to us to keep her off, many of her friends started young too.

The best approach imo is a positive one, they've years of it and if you frame it as an illness how on earth will they cope. Brufen and paracetamol are effective for any pain.

We need to teach our daughters to be resilient and capable not baby them and encourage sickies for a very normal monthly event.

Ah I just have to say how lovely you sound and her brother going out to buy her chocolate almost made me cry 🥰
I was made to feel ashamed of my periods and it’s great that things have progressed so well in some respects.
I do feel for your DD starting so young, but it’s sounds as though she has some amazing support ❤️💐