Keeping DD off school due to period

[Girlymum26]

My DD is 10 years old and is in year 5 at school and just started her period for the first time on Sunday evening this week and she came and told me as soon as she noticed.

We have had plenty of chats about it and she’s had the lessons in school so knows all about it and why she had them and even about changing pads and she seemed to take it in her stride, although a little bit embarrassed.

I was at work on Monday and Tuesday this week and my husband made her go to school as he does the drop of these days and said it’s “just a period” and that she couldn’t stay off school for it. I had no say in it as start work at 6am.

She’s leaked both Monday and Tuesday and she said she’s really sore where her pads have been rubbing her skin and leaking and her tummy hurts so I’ve kept her off today as it’s my day off.

Ive given her some calpol, some sudocreme for her sore rash and ordered some of the lil-lets teen pads which are more narrow so shouldn’t rub anymore and got some period pants too to protect against any leaks. We are just having a quiet girly day to help her get to grips with it all but I’ve explained she will need to go to school tomorrow and Friday.

I’ve called school and explained why she wasn’t in and they were really sympathetic and her teacher called me back and has said she can go to toilet during lessons if she wants to change her pad as it was turns out she was too embarrassed to change it when anyone else was in the bathroom at the same time and that is she’s going to struggle with PE this week they won’t make her do it.

Husband is not happy I’ve kept her off and said I’m making a rod for my own back even though I’ve explained it’s just for today, to help her out a bit.

AIBU to have kept her off do you think?

You need to support your child in learning to cope with stuff in life, not wussing out! Better sanpro and paracetamol are what is called for here! I teach year 6 and have had parents come to me when their daughters have started and asked me if i can discreetly check in with the girl. I've also had girls who have started at school and even on residential and helped sort them out and reassure them. She will be fine! Please dont make this into a bigger thing than it need be or you risk making her anxious. Normality is what is needed when changes happen!

Oh bless her! I would also keep her off for her first period. It's miserable enough when they are older, but Y5 my goodness that's so little.
I would also suggest getting her period pants (Modi bodi are amazing) - With my DDs it allowed them to forget about it for the whole school day and the swimming ones meant they didn't miss their activities either.

my daughter wear period knickers and doesn’t need to wear a pad. She goes takes a fresh pair in her bag which is much easier and quieter to change if she needs to but she’s never needed to change at school it lasts from 8am until the evening time no problem. Depending on how heavy your daughter periods are would this be an option? So much easier than pads.

https://www.modibodi.co.uk/collections/teen-underwear

she has these and they are a game changer

Just want to send you both a big hug. It's too much for a little one to get their head around. My daughter started at 11 and is still having leaks, still freaks out about having to change at school, hates it all!

For some reason we have concluded that mensuration sounds like Minstrels (the chocolates) and so they must be eaten at time of the month for medicinal purposes...

I would absolutely let her have the day off.

We bought:
Cute little bags for pads (amazon)
Nappy bags for used pads (I explained that it's ok to bring a dirty pad home in a bag if no bin in school loo)
Lillets teen pads
wipes - you can get mini packs
black knickers
Minstrels (not to be taken to school)
Calpol melts (10 might be a bit young to have meds...)

gosh I hope you don’t give this advice to parents. Normality is not what needed if the child is upset and struggling with tummy ache, emotions and self care. It’s fine for her to have one day off. Sending her into school feeling upset, unsure and in pain for the sake of normality really would not be the right option here.

It's this kind of 'chin up and soldier on ' crap that made me go through life thinking horrendous pain and using two super extra tampons and a pad and flooding every 45 mins was what I was expected to endure as a woman.

Sometimes, it's ok to wuss out.

For a first period it's absolutely fine to take time out to learn how to handle bleeding. So at least she was getting to learn what is normal. And what is normal for her. And when to ask for help.

Not everyone has a light period with no pain and can soldier on, I mean FFS.

School used to phone my dad who would pick me up and take me home. I fainted twice. My dad was lovely. Mum would put me to bed with painkillers and a brandy.

First time, I can get but I don’t think it’s wise to continue for months or she’ll be missing a week of school every month and, unfortunately, it is part of life.

Has she tried period pants?
She could use a pad too for double protection?

Ah, mine is same boat 10yo y5. Started around oct. Luckily had no pain. But it is much younger than most peers. Mine is pretty tall.
ive found pads crap last few years so not surprised they leak. I think they just arent thick enough so squash and move

It sounds like she needs a bit more help and support getting her head round managing her period. As I said to DH the other day, "when was the last time you lost a litre of blood?" Never.

For the first time, yes absolutely. Subsequently, she would need to learn to manage, as she has 40 more years of this.

I remember having to not only go to school, but having to jump about in gym class while I had blood running down my legs. In the 80s the teachers were something else. I begged to be let off gym class, and the teacher would pretend to be considering it and then gave me an "umm NOPE. Get on with it". I would never have asked were my periods not so heavy and leaky.

Good luck to her, I hope it gets easier as it's a long road.

Everyone's different, though? I've barely ever had a period pain in my life. For others, it's completely debilitating.

Your DH is a complete knob! He knows nothing about periods, the worry about leaking, cramps and so on….. if my DH tried to dictate our daughters periods I would tell him to fuck off!

my DD was in year 5, period pants are your best friend. M&S are fab. Don’t forget for her school bag, pads, spare pants and little scented nappy sacks. If she doesn’t want to use the bins at school she can pop them in her bag and bring them home.

Also a hot water bottle and a bar of chocolate for cramps at home. She will be fine once she gets the hang of it. But for her first one absolutely let her have a day at home.

I agree tena lady for leaks are useless for more than a teaspoon of urine. I've never used period pants but I would investigate for a daughter.

What happens next month? You are teaching her periods are an illness, something she can't acvommodate in her day to day life.
Obviously if her periods seem unusually heavy or painful, then you need to seek medical advice, but that is a separate issue.

No uterus, no opinion on anything concerning periods. The only thing I want to hear for a man that’s period related is “I got you a hot water bottle/sweet treat/your favourite food”.

First period, absolutely keep her off and support her.
Don't make a habit of it in future though!

Tbh, your husband will do more harm with his stance than a day off school with mum, talks and girlie time together would ever do, it's your daughters first period! What a twonk. And.. he doesn't get a say, he's never had a period.

As its her first one, keeping her off for one day should not be a problem. Just don't make a habit of it. Presuming there are no problems (pcos, endo etc.), this is going to happen every month for the next 50 years, she will have you get used to dealing with it and just carrying on as all women do. If she is light and pads are bothering her maybe just switch to period pants alone, they are super comfy and fine for me on light days, on heavy days I will wear a pad as well.

I’m sure she appreciates that it’s a one off thing, if you can help her feel more supported, secure, and comfortable she will be fine next month. It’s literally a HUGE part of her life for the foreseeable future and it would help if she didn’t feel shit about it from day 1!

Tell you husband she’s bot a dog that will be trained the wrong way.

I’m nearly 40 and still haven’t cracked how to period properly. I still get leaks and awful pain! I do not go to the office this first two days as it’s horrendous. I think you’ve done the right thing keeping DD home. I hope they are more manageable going forward!

Lol, who made your husband an expert on periods?? He knows nothing about it. Tell him to wind his neck in.

Just came on to suggest period pants. They are great - no rubbing, no rustling and you can even get ones you can popper on and off rather than having to take off your trousers to change them.
She could even wear them in addition to a pad, to stop any leaks.

Sounds like you did the right thing keeping her off though.