Keeping DD off school due to period

[Girlymum26]

My DD is 10 years old and is in year 5 at school and just started her period for the first time on Sunday evening this week and she came and told me as soon as she noticed.

We have had plenty of chats about it and she’s had the lessons in school so knows all about it and why she had them and even about changing pads and she seemed to take it in her stride, although a little bit embarrassed.

I was at work on Monday and Tuesday this week and my husband made her go to school as he does the drop of these days and said it’s “just a period” and that she couldn’t stay off school for it. I had no say in it as start work at 6am.

She’s leaked both Monday and Tuesday and she said she’s really sore where her pads have been rubbing her skin and leaking and her tummy hurts so I’ve kept her off today as it’s my day off.

Ive given her some calpol, some sudocreme for her sore rash and ordered some of the lil-lets teen pads which are more narrow so shouldn’t rub anymore and got some period pants too to protect against any leaks. We are just having a quiet girly day to help her get to grips with it all but I’ve explained she will need to go to school tomorrow and Friday.

I’ve called school and explained why she wasn’t in and they were really sympathetic and her teacher called me back and has said she can go to toilet during lessons if she wants to change her pad as it was turns out she was too embarrassed to change it when anyone else was in the bathroom at the same time and that is she’s going to struggle with PE this week they won’t make her do it.

Husband is not happy I’ve kept her off and said I’m making a rod for my own back even though I’ve explained it’s just for today, to help her out a bit.

AIBU to have kept her off do you think?

Awwh yeah. Poor little girl. Year 5 is brutal

your husband is an arsehole. and has no say.

Your husband sounds like a twat

Second the pad wrapping crackling issues!

Ikr. Poor darling. I was 14 when I got mine. Remember it like yesterday and I am in my 60s now. I slept most of the day and felt weird and dreadful. Luckily it was a Saturday. Can't imagine getting it on a Sunday night at 10.

YANBU at all. I also started periods around 10, much earlier than my peers, and it was such a nightmare, I am still sad about it tbh. I was in so much pain, was too embarrassed to dig out a pad to go change, it was all just too much and just a little too young to know how to deal with it.

Your DH is clearly clueless and also lacks empathy.

Do you take time off work every month?

I'm confused why people are telling you make sure it's a one off, you've clearly stated you've told your daughter she will go back to school for the rest of the week (armed with period pants and more suitable pads).

I think you made the right decision for your DC. 10 is so young and a day off to reset is just what the doctor ordered! You sound like a wonderful Mum who is attuned to her daughter's needs!

Ah bless her. I would definitely have kept her off. She’s still so young isn’t she it’s a lot for them to contend with. She’s probably one of the first in her year to start too which might make her feel a bit uneasy.
I hope you’ve had a lovely chilled day together.

Seconded. Period pants are a revelation for school-age girls! So much easier.

Bless your heart….you sound like a lovely mum and she’s lucky to have you…she’s only 10 bless her….enjoy your day together and im afraid my husband would be getting very short shrift off me for saying “ it’s just a period”…. Clueless at best!!! Xx

No uterus, no say.

Periods are hell for some of us. He likely will never understand, and seemingly isn't trying to.

Continue to support your child as you are while they get to grips with managing it and what is most comfortable to use. Then they'll be more confident attending school and other activities while on their period in future months. Early compromises, long term gain hopefully.

I wouldn't make them go the next 2 days either unless they feel ready to manage.

The OP has clearly said she's taken ONE day off for a 10 year olds first period and she's got to go back to school the rest of the week. This is a huge change in a girls life and 10 is bloody young to be trying to understand it all. One day off won't harm her.

I have unfortunately regularly not attended school or college and sometimes work because of period pain. I would be violently ill, pass out a few times in the 1st two days and sometimes be hospitalised. Everyone reacts differently to menstrual cycle. Another poster has said she doesn't go into her work office the 1st two days of her cycle. We live in a world now where people are campaigning for paid mental health days off of work.... and we won't let a 10yr old child have one day off to get to grips with her first period? Really?

Period pants OP they do the boy short style, and can wear them all day with confidence. Your DH is a dick.

Modi bodi teen boy shorts specifically

I agree it’s fine as a one off, or if she’s in pain.

If she keeps using pads, I used to cut the edges off the plastic outer wrap so that they were much quieter and quicker to open. As long as they’re kept in a pouch or something they stay clean. I also would tuck one into my bra in my first job before I left the house, so I didn’t have to carry it publicly. I’m much more open about it now, but at that age these things much help

Wow what does your husband really know about this to be so clear in his dismissive view?

Of course she needs to be given the tools to make sure she does not miss out on her life due to her period and some opportunities to work out what they are but a little understanding and care would be appropriate.

Perhaps he doesn’t want periods to inconvenience him? Well we all know how that feels.

When your husband starts his periods, he can have an opinion on what they are like to manage

If school are cool with it, nothing to worry about. It won't happen every time but like you've mentioned the leaks and anxiety around the toilet situation are awful. I remember the stress of swimming lessons in primary school and hoping that it wouldn't return while we were doing that or on our residential trips and the girls toilets didn't have proper bins in them, just a wire bin. Hated it.

Have you looked into period pants? I wish they'd been a thing when I was a primary child on my period or in ballet lessons! That way, she won't have to worry about a pad making a noise in the loo or about any rubbing or bulkiness, or even about having supplies in her bag. Or perhaps using period knickers as well as a pad might make her feel a bit more confident about stopping any future leaks?

We’re finding the next period pants good as well

Hate hate hate attitudes like this.

some women are in agony with periods. Some are not. That doesn’t mean the ones that are aren’t.

it’s like covid. Some people died from it, for others they sneezed a few times.

if someone says they have a tummy ache, believe them.

I really hope that the posters who are berating op for giving her dd ONE day off don’t have girls themselves.
I honestly can’t imagine being that heartless as to ignore my dd when she’s going through such a big change and insist she go into school just ‘because’. Op has stated it won’t be a regular thing and hopefully by next month they will be more prepared with period pants and products to make her more comfy.
I feel so sorry for girls who don’t have that level of support. I didn’t start my periods until I was about 13 or 14 but I still remember how much I hated being in school and trying to navigate changing a pad etc. For a 10 year old it makes me so sad.
You’re a good mum OP don’t let your dh or the imbeciles on here make you think otherwise.

Do I? No. My periods have never hurt. I do have the empathy and imagination though to realise that for some women they do, and a day off every month is entirely needed.

Put your entire husband in the bin!!

It’s her first period and she’s leaked two days in school - that’s going to be sore and uncomfortable. Definitely a day off today and some better products for her.

Please remind him he’s never experienced a period, especially not his first in primary school so he can keep his opinions to himself!