MIL wants engagement ring back after husband went no contact

[Nic1210]

My husband decided to go no contact with his Mother around 4 years ago (I have posted previously about this - she is a piece of work).
We have only seen her once since at my Sister In Laws wedding and it was very awkward and brief. It was also the first time she met her Granddaughter and she was looking down at her at any opportunity and made no effort to take accountability for her previous actions.

Out of the blue, we woke up yesterday morning to a letter sent via iCloud at midnight the previous night, a badly typed out message explaining she respects our decision but it is hurtful for me to wear the engagement ring she freely gave to my husband when he made the decision to propose nine years ago. My husband wanted to save money for a ring to pirchase but she was insistent that he take a ring. The ring was a made for her as an eternity ring from an Amsterdam diamond bought for her 40th birthday from her ex husband (Hubby's Dad). When she gave it to my husband she said she no longer wanted it and was happy for my Husband to give to me.

This is the second time she has asked for it back, the first time she demanded it back after a row (one-sided), when she called me a bitch and other expletives for leaving the room when she was verbally abusing my husband.
I feel this is last thing my MIL believes she has control over.
AIBU to keep hold of my engagement ring? The ring is legally mine as it is deemed a gift, it is not a family heirloom and I have got more joy from it then she ever did or would do in the future. I honestly think she anticipated us to break up when she gave it away, myself and husband are happily married with our fabulous daughter, she would have continued to make my husbands life (a potentially our daughters life) miserable if we remained in contact.

It would remind me of her every time I looked at it and would gladly give it back.

It was a gift, so she has no leg to stand on.

Having said that, I couldn't be doing with this drama and if it were me, would sneak round her house and shove it - in a jiffy bag - unceremoniously through the letter box with no message.

I'd be reminded of her every time I looked down at it, so I'd give it back and get a new one.

Just give it back. Get your hubby to get a new ring that you both love. She will be out of your life then if that's what you both want. Its a no brainer for me. I wouldn't want anything of hers if I hated her that much to go no contact.

As you say its a gift so I don't see any legal reason why you should return it. But, do you want to keep that kind of bad juju around you?

You don’t have to give it back. you are perfectly within your rights to keep it and it would not be U to do so.

I would give it back though. It’s something, as you say, she still holds over you. It would remind me of her and the drama. But everyone’s different so YANBU.

Eta… also if you return it, add a note so she knows it wasn’t a legal decision. Explain you’re giving it back only to finally be rid of her!

I’d give it back - seems a small price to pay to get rid of her! Unless of course you enjoy the drama…

If you give it back, make sure you have evidence that you did. Make her put something in writing too.

As others have said,it was a gift however every time I looked at my ring it would remind me of her.

id melt it down and redesign it into a new engagement ring for you.

You're within your rights to keep it but I'd give it back. She obviously regrets giving it away and she is just going to keep asking. Get a new ring without that history.

I'd give it back, she wants the drama of you saying no, think she will be more pissed off if you calmly give back than if you were dig your heals in.

Once less thing for her to ever have to contact you about again.

Yes, exactly. I would have given it back a long time ago if I wanted no contact.

I'd give it back too.

You are not being unreasonable, it is yours.

But, I'd give it back too, couldn't be arsed with this 'control' she thinks she has over you. Take that control away and just give it back to her...

I have always had mixed feelings about the ring. And I remember when my husband gave it to me, I knew even back then it would cause drama. I even went so far to believe it is a cursed ring because his parents got it made when they were going through hard times in their marriage!

I have become attached to it over the years and see it now as my ring. But completely agree with what everyone is saying here, it would be liberating to choose out own ring.

You definitely would not be unreasonable to keep this. This is your ring now.

It‘s up to you to decide whether looking at it will remind you of her / the drama. Or whether it will remind you of your engagement and the wonderful man you married.

Absolutely give it back. She has no legal claim on it but she will use it forever as something to get at you both with.

You can always get a copy made. That would really piss her off.

I wouldn’t want to wear it.

Sell it.
Then say you lost it.

I would send it back to her registered post so you have a receipt.
I can't understand why you want a reminder of her on your finger. Much better to either not wear one or if you want a ring to get one you like with your partner even if it isn't as fancy

Just be wary of her continuing to ask for gifts back - is there anything else that she can use as a stick to beat you with? If not, then I'd return the ring, however if she's ever given you money that you've used to buy things, or anything material for the house, she is going to ask for that back too, as a way to keep the dialogue open.

If nothing else, return the ring. If you've got lots of other stuff - tell her it was a gift and she's not getting it.

Unless you don't like it/can't look at it without thinking of her, I'd keep it and block her.

It was a gift. End of.

I'd be inclined to be petty with her and say you've given it back to her ex husband (your FIL) as he was the original purchaser 😂
If she expects you to give the ring back, surely she should have given it back to him when they seperated.

For now I'd probably ignore her. Realistically when will you ever see her again? But I'd also hint at your DH that for your 10th anniversary a nice new ring you pick together would be lovely!

Yeah I’d be tempted to give it back but as others have said make sure you get proof that you have returned it to her and the condition it was in when you did return it. Just in case she becomes vindictive again.

Go choose your own ring that has lovely memories instead of one she has a claim on

You are not unreasonable to keep it but personally I’d do as many other posters have done and give it back. That way she has no hold over you at all.

Give it back, the details of the ring don't matter or how valuable it may or may not be. Anything would be better than having someone else's ring that they now don't want you to have. I would have given it back the first time.