Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL wants engagement ring back after husband went no contact

474 replies

Nic1210 · 03/03/2026 09:28

My husband decided to go no contact with his Mother around 4 years ago (I have posted previously about this - she is a piece of work).
We have only seen her once since at my Sister In Laws wedding and it was very awkward and brief. It was also the first time she met her Granddaughter and she was looking down at her at any opportunity and made no effort to take accountability for her previous actions.

Out of the blue, we woke up yesterday morning to a letter sent via iCloud at midnight the previous night, a badly typed out message explaining she respects our decision but it is hurtful for me to wear the engagement ring she freely gave to my husband when he made the decision to propose nine years ago. My husband wanted to save money for a ring to pirchase but she was insistent that he take a ring. The ring was a made for her as an eternity ring from an Amsterdam diamond bought for her 40th birthday from her ex husband (Hubby's Dad). When she gave it to my husband she said she no longer wanted it and was happy for my Husband to give to me.

This is the second time she has asked for it back, the first time she demanded it back after a row (one-sided), when she called me a bitch and other expletives for leaving the room when she was verbally abusing my husband.
I feel this is last thing my MIL believes she has control over.
AIBU to keep hold of my engagement ring? The ring is legally mine as it is deemed a gift, it is not a family heirloom and I have got more joy from it then she ever did or would do in the future. I honestly think she anticipated us to break up when she gave it away, myself and husband are happily married with our fabulous daughter, she would have continued to make my husbands life (a potentially our daughters life) miserable if we remained in contact.

OP posts:
Pottlee · 04/03/2026 21:50

I’d probably reply “Sorry, I sold it and bought something that was more my taste.”

SemiRetiredLoveGoddeess · 04/03/2026 21:51

Sell it, but don't tell your husband. If he asks. Tell him you lost it or make some story up about you took it off to wash your hands in a cafe toilet. You can't remember.

Then get him to buy you a new one.

I'm not an underhanded sneaky person.
But l think sometimes, revenge can be sweet.
💍💗👰
Xxx

Studyunder · 04/03/2026 21:55

The ring is also from your husband’s dad and you say it brings you joy. It’s your ring now, kerp it and piss her off

GetofIphone54 · 04/03/2026 21:58

SemiRetiredLoveGoddeess · 04/03/2026 21:51

Sell it, but don't tell your husband. If he asks. Tell him you lost it or make some story up about you took it off to wash your hands in a cafe toilet. You can't remember.

Then get him to buy you a new one.

I'm not an underhanded sneaky person.
But l think sometimes, revenge can be sweet.
💍💗👰
Xxx

That feels sneaky and dishonest op has a wonderful happy marriage - why be deceiving because of her bitch mil

Endorewitch · 04/03/2026 22:01

Why do you want to keep it?It will remind you of her. No way would I want a ring belonging to someone like her.
Give it back. Good riddance .

ronstern · 04/03/2026 22:05

I would take it to a pawnbroker, let them give you some money for it, then post her the pawnbroker slip and tell her, that if she wants it back, she can redeem it from the pawnbroker herself! That way you get done money to buy your own and she gets it back.

Oldandnonethewiserlol · 04/03/2026 22:23

She’s using the ring to try and break your “no contact” stance after seeing you, trying to reel you back in as people with NPD so often do. She’s probably out of narcissistic fodder right now.

Daisyhon · 04/03/2026 22:26

Sell the ring , then tell her what u have done & that u are going on a lovely holiday with the proceeds 😂

Mere1 · 04/03/2026 22:33

2chocolateoranges · 03/03/2026 09:33

As others have said,it was a gift however every time I looked at my ring it would remind me of her.

id melt it down and redesign it into a new engagement ring for you.

I’d trade it in for a different ring.

AgentPidge · 04/03/2026 22:37

SemiRetiredLoveGoddeess · 04/03/2026 21:51

Sell it, but don't tell your husband. If he asks. Tell him you lost it or make some story up about you took it off to wash your hands in a cafe toilet. You can't remember.

Then get him to buy you a new one.

I'm not an underhanded sneaky person.
But l think sometimes, revenge can be sweet.
💍💗👰
Xxx

What a horrible thing to do to your DP, someone who trusts you. Why be a liar when you can be honest?

OneSunnyGoldDreamer · 04/03/2026 22:48

sell it so you don’t have to look at it anymore and buy a new ring

StressedOutButProudMama · 04/03/2026 22:55

Just calmly reply to the letter and advise that you have sought legal advice and as the gift was shown freely it is now your property and you do not wish to allow her to have it back if she'd like to take ethics further she can apply to court. But no court in their right mind would back her. Also add in same letter than any further contact will be deemed harassment and police will be contacted if she continues without going through a solicitor.

changeme4this · 04/03/2026 23:06

As it’s a family ring from your DH’s paternal side, the next rightful owner is the Daughter DH has. I presume your DD is his?

so I don’t believe you have a right to sell it, but you do have a right to decide it’s not for you and put it away for safe keeping.

DD potently is far too young to decide if it’s for her in the future but she might choose to have it turned into a necklace of sorts, again down the track.

if you want to stir the MIL along, don’t have it on your finger next time you venture near a family do. She will be looking for it and it will mess with her mind when she cannot see it…

Jukeboxjulie69 · 04/03/2026 23:32

arcticrollypolly · 04/03/2026 20:08

I’d get a new ring but not give the original back. I’d stick it in a box at the back of a drawer and make vague noises if she ever mentioned it again.

But I’m a petty, petty bitch.

Yes me too 😆

Bowies · 05/03/2026 03:26

Legally it’s yours but I would just give back and cut contact with her in good conscience.

Snakebite61 · 05/03/2026 06:25

Nic1210 · 03/03/2026 09:28

My husband decided to go no contact with his Mother around 4 years ago (I have posted previously about this - she is a piece of work).
We have only seen her once since at my Sister In Laws wedding and it was very awkward and brief. It was also the first time she met her Granddaughter and she was looking down at her at any opportunity and made no effort to take accountability for her previous actions.

Out of the blue, we woke up yesterday morning to a letter sent via iCloud at midnight the previous night, a badly typed out message explaining she respects our decision but it is hurtful for me to wear the engagement ring she freely gave to my husband when he made the decision to propose nine years ago. My husband wanted to save money for a ring to pirchase but she was insistent that he take a ring. The ring was a made for her as an eternity ring from an Amsterdam diamond bought for her 40th birthday from her ex husband (Hubby's Dad). When she gave it to my husband she said she no longer wanted it and was happy for my Husband to give to me.

This is the second time she has asked for it back, the first time she demanded it back after a row (one-sided), when she called me a bitch and other expletives for leaving the room when she was verbally abusing my husband.
I feel this is last thing my MIL believes she has control over.
AIBU to keep hold of my engagement ring? The ring is legally mine as it is deemed a gift, it is not a family heirloom and I have got more joy from it then she ever did or would do in the future. I honestly think she anticipated us to break up when she gave it away, myself and husband are happily married with our fabulous daughter, she would have continued to make my husbands life (a potentially our daughters life) miserable if we remained in contact.

Even better, sell it and treat yourself and the kids to a nice meal. It will taste a lot better than usual. 😁

Hollybollyhughes · 05/03/2026 06:44

Is it precious to you as if not sell it and use the cash for a holiday or something nice for you all, not her. You don't gift something and then ask for it back.
Or keep it as it is yours. She sounds delightful and I have an equally massive twat of a MIL so I hear your pain.

Jack80 · 05/03/2026 07:02

I would want anything associated with her give it back

hcee19 · 05/03/2026 07:08

I would keep the ring. You say you love it, and it obviously annoys the hell out of the mil, so winner,winner...

Oldartist · 05/03/2026 08:32

If you do send it back, have it set in a block of epoxy resin first.

Bethyy38 · 05/03/2026 08:43

Sell it and use the money to get a new one. Then tell her you've already sold it as it was yours to do what you wanted with!

Flowersforyourchocolateprettyplease · 05/03/2026 09:08

Tanjamaltija · 04/03/2026 21:35

You really drove it in that it was a gift, freely given. However, it is tainted with her hatred and spite. Why keep it? Send it back by registered mail so she has to sign for it, so she won't be tempted to say anything about not being returned.

This. OP seems to want to keep hold of it no matter what.
If it's causing issues, why would you even want it associated with your engagement.

Surprised your DH hasn't offered a new one he bought himself and taken the old one back.
I'd have been saving like crazy to buy a ring of choice with no attachments to the past or MIL.

If this was say a chair she'd gifted, you'd have given it back by now, but are holding on to the ring because of it's monetary worth.
Love is between you two, not through a ring, and memories can't be erased by giving it back.

Wonder if DH likes the sporadic contact.

Laurmolonlabe · 05/03/2026 09:11

This woman obviously doesn't understand how giving things away works.
That said I would give it her back and ask hubby to buy me a new ring- then you never have to speak to her or hear from her again.

Tamtim · 05/03/2026 09:14

It’s yours. If you love it, keep it.

Gherkinslice · 05/03/2026 09:29

Nic1210 · 03/03/2026 09:28

My husband decided to go no contact with his Mother around 4 years ago (I have posted previously about this - she is a piece of work).
We have only seen her once since at my Sister In Laws wedding and it was very awkward and brief. It was also the first time she met her Granddaughter and she was looking down at her at any opportunity and made no effort to take accountability for her previous actions.

Out of the blue, we woke up yesterday morning to a letter sent via iCloud at midnight the previous night, a badly typed out message explaining she respects our decision but it is hurtful for me to wear the engagement ring she freely gave to my husband when he made the decision to propose nine years ago. My husband wanted to save money for a ring to pirchase but she was insistent that he take a ring. The ring was a made for her as an eternity ring from an Amsterdam diamond bought for her 40th birthday from her ex husband (Hubby's Dad). When she gave it to my husband she said she no longer wanted it and was happy for my Husband to give to me.

This is the second time she has asked for it back, the first time she demanded it back after a row (one-sided), when she called me a bitch and other expletives for leaving the room when she was verbally abusing my husband.
I feel this is last thing my MIL believes she has control over.
AIBU to keep hold of my engagement ring? The ring is legally mine as it is deemed a gift, it is not a family heirloom and I have got more joy from it then she ever did or would do in the future. I honestly think she anticipated us to break up when she gave it away, myself and husband are happily married with our fabulous daughter, she would have continued to make my husbands life (a potentially our daughters life) miserable if we remained in contact.

If she likes to cause all this drama, she could well say anything about this ring that you just don't need. As others have said, even if you did like the ring, you will soon start to associate it only with her. She will keep on about it, as it sounds like the last "hold" she has on you, so i think if i was you i would give it back to her. BUT she is likely to deny you have done this, and say you haven't returned it unless you have proof, so don't stick it through the letterbox - send it via Signed For Delivery, worth a little cost for your evidence and peace of mind. Is it valuable?